Genre: Anal Compilation
Cast: Zana, Julian, Wendy Devine, Eric Masterson, Jamie Lynn, Tony Tedeschi, Alana Evans, Rebecca Star, Justine Romee, Tyler Wood, Sharon Wild, Cheyan Collins, Julie Meadows, Chris Cannon, Michelle St. James, Johnny, Jasmine Klein, Dillion Day, Brooke Hunter, Don Hollywood, Nicole Sheridan, Voodoo, Kelsey, Kimi Lixx, Joel Lawrence, Aria, Marty Romano, Gia, Isabella, Monica Mayhem, Steven St. Croix, Taylor Rain, Evan Stone, Jewel De'Nyle, Randy Spears, Lee Stone, Ashley Long, Tyron King, Sledge Hammer, Cherie, Nikko Night
Director: Toni English, Nicholas Steele, Bud Lee, Luc Wylder, Nick Orleans, Roy Karch, Jennifer James, F. J. Lincoln
Length: 255 mins

The Big Ass Anal Exxxtravaganza . When you hear that name, what do you think of? Thick juicy asses getting fucked from all angles? Scene after scene of booty getting bumped and banged 'til they ache and quake? Do you envision enormous man meat poking the pucker with animalistic glee, ream after ream stretching the sphincter to the utmost? Well, if you like your action in the upper back door, if you love to see a shithole getting stacked and packed, if you treasure the pleasure of watching a red eye filled with thick prick...then you better look for another adult DVD title to buy. The Big Ass Anal Exxxtravaganza is a compilation cop-out, a total fraud of a feature that runs for four hours and fifteen minutes, and still doesn't deliver more than 30 minutes of total tushie torture. The only big ass here will be you if you get suckered into purchasing this pseudo poop chute porn. Now, if you want a badly pixelated collection of scenes, no bonus material, a veritable mixed bag of directing styles and a motley crew of good to grotesque adult stars, then by all means, drop the ducats and procure this barely passable package. But be warned – there is more fingering, fornication, cunnilingus, blowjobs, foot worship, tattoos, reverse cowgirl and doggie antics than overall anal action in this massive menagerie. This is not to say that the segments are poorly performed or atrociously amateurish. But somewhere along the way to the rancid rosebud roundup The Big Ass Anal Exxxtravaganza lost its focus. Sad to say it, but a pound of purgative and an excess of Ex-Lax wouldn't cure this colon blow of its impacted problems.

The DVD:
The Big Ass Anal Exxxtravaganza is a collection of vignettes and clips from various Adam and Eve productions. Most of the material is from 2002 and 2003, so we are seeing a fresh repackaging of some very recent product. That being said, this is the very definition of a grab bag, a catch-as-catch-can combination of sex acts and setups that mostly fail to pay off in the tush pushing department. At 255 minutes, this is a marathon of motion, with more in the pink than in the stink. Since there is so much monkeying around to cover, the Dirge is going to reconfigure the scene overviews to focus less on the acts and more on the reactions. So, without further ado, here is what we get in this overstuffed compendium:

Scene 1: Zana, Julian
Scene from: Photogenic (2002)
Directed by Nicholas Steele
14 mins
The Acts: (In Order) Kissing and Foreplay, M to F Oral, F to M Oral, Vaginal Doggie, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Anal Pile Driver with Deep Penetration, $S on Chest and Face
The Reaction: Dressed in some unidentifiable period garb and performing in a strange space that has high vaulted ceilings, an antebellum Southern Plantation feel and a '4 pics for a $1' photo booth in the middle (thus the title?) both Zana and Julian start out this scene getting really into each other. But then once the clothes come off and the dick is looking for its penetrating purpose, the sequence literally peters out. Julian has a hard time keeping "in" Zana and the anal is almost an afterthought – a hastily crammed together series of acts.

The Score: 5/10

Scene 2: Wendy Devine, Eric Masterson
Scene from: Free Ride (2003)
Directed by Bud Lee
7 mins
The Acts: (In Order) M to F Oral, Fingering, F to M Oral, Vaginal Scissors, Anal Scissors, $S in Mouth
The Reaction: This short but sweet meat marathon is much ado about pixels. If you really want to see what's going on between Eric's rod and Wendy's rear, better pick up an actual copy of Free Ride (perhaps the better bet would be to RENT it). Honestly, you can barely see the hardcore action for all the little digital boxes. There is also a strange 5-second shot of Asia Carrera looking off into the distance and walking down a hallway, which should have been trimmed. It messes up what little flow there is. Even though Eric and Wendy make a nice couple and their passion is palatable, the inability to witness their frantic fucking makes this moment almost irrelevant.

The Score: 3/10

Scene 3: Jamie Lynn, Tony Tedeschi
Scene from: Amateur Angels 10 (2003)
Directed by Luc Wylder
17 mins
The Acts: (In Order) F to M Oral with Ball Action, Tit Sucking, M to F Oral with Salad Tossing, Straight Vaginal, Pile Driver Vaginal with Deep Penetration, Vaginal Doggie, Vaginal Pile Driver, Anal Pile Driver, $S in Ass, Anal Pile Driver, 2nd $S on Vagina
The Reaction: Following that list of lewd acts, you' think this scene would smolder and steam. And you'd be about half right. There is a lot of hard driving, sure fire ramrodding and dick licking in this clip, the kind of scorching showboating that makes the male member alive with ample attitude. But the problem comes in the persona of our stars. Jamie Lynn is a very young and unattractive looking woman. Tony is about a ten-spot away from being rough trade. Together they look like trailer trash having a shag before the swap meet starts. With no breasts to buttress the action (the chick is FLAT as Hell) and a real repetitiveness to positions (Tony loves the overhead ramming style) this scene is a semi-erection. Thanks to the double-barreled explosions from our leading lug, we are saved from a totally unappetizing hardcore carny act.
Score: 5/10

Scene 4: Alana Evans, Rebecca Star, Justine Romee, Tyler Wood
Scene from: Secret Suburban Sex Parties (2003)
Directed by Nick Orleans
14 mins
The Acts: (In some manner of Order) o F Masturbation, Girl on Girl Masturbation, Toy Attention, F to M Oral, M to F Oral with Double Input Fingering, Straight Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Scissors, Anal Doggie, $S on Ass
The Reaction: It's always confusing when a group gets together for a little interpersonal penetration. Too much time is spent in the same sex setup (there's only so much someone can do with a jelly vibe dildo) and then two of our ladies are left in the lurch while Rebecca Starr and Mr. Wood do the nasty. We could have easily cut to the carnal chase with this couple and avoided all the lame lesbian leftovers. This is also another case of anus interruptus. We don't get into the booty banging until late, and then after a few dozen strokes, it's time for penile popcorn topping!

The Score: 4/10

Scene 5: Sharon Wild, Cheyan Collins
Scene from: Hot Rods (2003)
Directed by Nicholas Steele
12 mins
The Acts: (In Order) Foreplay, M on F Oral, Foot Action, F Self Tasting, F to M Oral, Straight Vaginal Sex, Anal Doggie, $S on Ass
The Reaction: Finally, a decent scene, a real overheated exchange of bodily fluids between a couple that actually looks good and works well together. The garage setting adds another element of forbidden atmosphere and the excellent use of lighting and music really juices up the mood. There are a few times when the overly vocal Cheyan looks like he's going to vomit instead of cum (it's a facial tic thing) but between the tan buff bodies, the multiple piercings and the ornamental tattoos, this is a nice example of standard fantasy hardcore. They still skimp on the ass antics, but the rest of the ribaldry more than makes up for it.
The Score: 7.5/10

Scene 6: Julie Meadows, Chris Cannon
Scene from: Erosity (2003)
Directed by Luc Wylder
15 mins
The Acts: (In Order) Food Fetishing, Tit Play, M to F Oral, F to M Oral, Body Worship with Food, Straight Vaginal Sex, Toe Sucking, Vaginal Spooning, Anal Doggie with Strawberry Syrup Accents, $S on Ass
The Reaction: Wow! Two decent scenes in a row. Actually, if you prefer your snacks to be on a paper, not a pussy plate, then maybe you'll find this food free-for-all disgusting, not delectable or digestible. And again, this is all about appetizers, not red-hot butt bouncing. Julie and Chris really tie on the feedbag here, using honey, whipped cream, cherries, sprinkles (!), chocolate syrup and various fruits to turn their act of love into an act of lunch. Perhaps the most bizarre moment occurs during the anal. Chris grabs a bottle of strawberry syrup and drizzles ample amounts down Julie's ass and thighs as he fucks her. The result looks like a cross between a fetish film and Freddy Krueger (independent filmmakers looking for fake blood, take note). In the end, both performers are covered in toppings and seem to have "relished" their time together.
The Score: 7/10

Scene 7: Michelle St. James, Johnny
Scene from: Pillow Talk (2003)
Directed by Roy Karch
13 mins
The Acts: (In Order) F to M Oral, M to F Oral with Fingering, Straight Vaginal Sex with Deep Penetration, Anal Deep Penetration, Anal Pile Driving, $S on Face and Chest
The Reaction: Far be it from this critic to decry the aging of performers in porn (after all, if you can sell the sex, you should feel free to perform whenever and however you like) but, frankly, Michelle St. James is too long in the tooth to be taking it up the ass. This wrinkled old hag, resembling the kind of flesh Leatherface would covet for his 'mother' masks, has all the sex appeal of a Miami Beach Bingo jockey. Johnny is no great shakes either, taking the whole mature surfer dude to the max. Oh sure, they can frig in the rig with the best of them. But it's the saggy skinned Michelle that turns this scene from something arousing into something AARP.
The Score: 2/10

Scene 8: Jasmine Klein, Dillion Day
Scene from: Color Blind (2002)
Directed by Nick Orleans
10 mins
The Acts: (In Order) F to M Oral, M to F Oral with Fingering, Straight Vaginal Sex with Deep Penetration, Reverse Cowgirl, Anal with Deep Penetration, $S on Stomach
The Reaction: There are pros and cons to this scene, with the awkward elements eventually destroying the dirty dingus action. Jasmine gives what has to be the worst blowjob this critic has ever seen. She either can't or won't take much of Dillion's dong into her maw. When she eventually does, it's like a child eating broccoli under extreme duress. Dillion is also one of those beefy, bulked up guys that thinks physical stature makes up for a less than successful fucking and sucking style. Sorry to say it Mr. D, but just because you look the part doesn't mean you can fake your way through hardcore humping. And it's a shame that this action isn't more inspired. The couple looks great together and the boudoir setting should shout "sex". But while it looks pretty, the erotica feels shitty.
Score: 4.5/10

Scene 9: Brooke Hunter, Don Hollywood
Scene from: Wet Fantasies (2003)
Directed by Jennifer James
19 mins
The Acts: (In Order) F to M Oral, M to F Oral with Fingering, Pussy Juice Sampling, Reverse Cowgirl, Cowgirl, Anal Pile Driver, $S(?) on Ass
The Reaction: UGH! Just two scenes before we were treated to a Grandma getting it on with a post-mid life crisis pool man. Now it's GREAT grandpa's turn. Don Hollywood may be some manner of legend or legitimate porn God, but this is the age of electricity, and watching his wrinkled, drooping physique try and keep up with Brooke's early thirties tubthumping is just too unnerving. He seems moments away from a series of mini-strokes with every thrust, and when it gets to the actual penetration, he sits on an available garbage can (the setting is an alley) and let's the little lady do all the work. But you haven't lived until - and you may not want to after – you've seen Don try to pile drive his carnal concubine. He plugs her over and over (missing a couple of times), sacks of skin flopping and flapping in the breeze. And then there is the money shot. We see some white fluid deposited on Brooke's broken-in bottom, but we don't see from where. Don's johnson is hidden the whole time and it makes the orgasm suspect. For all we know, they handed him some other guy's goo and he merely dripped it on Brooke, falsifying the finish that he could not "accomplish". Utter junk.
The Score: 1/10

Scene 10: Nicole Sheridan, Voodoo
Scene from: Extreme Behavior (2003)
Directed by Toni English
19 mins
The Acts: (In Order) Self Foot Worship, Self Leg Worship, Self Toe Sucking, Self Arch Fucking, Foot Worship, F to M Foot Masturbation, F to M Oral, More Toe Sucking, Straight Vaginal Sex, Dick to Foot Play, Anal Doggie, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, $S on Foot and Mouth
The Reaction: You've got to hand it to actual couple Nicole Sheridan and Voodoo; they prove that real life paramours can turn on the hardcore harmony as readily as genuine strangers. This foot fantasy fiesta is just one interesting element after another. Nicole is very limber and can use her feet is various permutations. And Voodoo is game for each and every toe-jamming gesture. The anal, again, takes a backseat to all the shoe fetish festivities, but the scene is very exciting, nonetheless. Too bad about Nicole's jagged features. With a less severe nose and forehead, she'd be a stellar adult star.

The Score: 7.5/10

Scene 11: Kelsey, Dillion Day
Scene from: Guilty as Sin (2002)
Directed by Bud Lee
14 mins
The Acts: (In Order) M to F Oral, Salad Tossing, Straight Vaginal Sex, Reverse Cowgirl, Anal Doggie, A to M, F to M Oral, $S in Mouth
The Reaction: Isn't it odd that with more than half of this DVD over, we finally come to our first tangible Ass to Mouth shot of the entire package. This is a butt bonanza, right? And yet it is only now that we are witness to the first instance where a cock actually leaves the rear and enters the oral domain of a dame. Sure, there have been IMPLIED occasions throughout, but this is the first time we can actually guarantee a little booty broth carryover. Otherwise, this is just a standard scene; nothing novel or groundbreaking.
The Score: 5/10

Scene 12: Kimi Lixx, Joel Lawrence
Scene from: Amateur Angels (2001)
Directed by Luc Wylder
15 mins
The Acts: (In Order) F to M Oral, M to F Oral with Fingering, Vaginal Spooning, Vaginal Doggie, Anal Digital Penetration, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Anal Scissors, $S on Vagina
The Reaction: This is an instance where apparent maturity wins out over an obvious up and comer. Joel Lawrence is a trooper, fucking the holy shit out of Kimi the entire length of the scene. He is really selling the sexual encounter. Kimi, on the other hand, appears overwhelmed. All she can really do is lay there and get drilled. As a result, her rag doll dynamic undermines the action. And sadly, this is one of the compilation's installments that could actually be considered as living up to its rump shaking title. The oral elements are merely warm-ups for the extended cheek beating. It's just too bad Kimi was not up to the challenge.
The Score: 4/10

Scene 13: Aria, Marty Romano
Scene from: Naked Hollywood 14 (2002)
Directed by Toni English
16 mins
The Acts: (In Order) Rough Foreplay, F to M Oral with Ball Action, M to F Oral with Fingering, Finger Licking, Straight Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Doggie, Anal Doggie, $S on Back and Ass
The Reaction: Aria is a favorite of the Dirge, but this scene does not do her, or her free-wheeling style, justice. Marty is too busy being a "man", controlling and enforcing his domination over his equally adept female partner. You half expect them to come to blows of the non-sexual kind the way they tend to maneuver around each other. They're like boxers in a ring, not ringers in the 'box'. Still, this is a mostly decent scene, alive with erotic fire and some hard pumping fun.
The Score: 6/10

Scene 14: Gia, Isabella, Monica Mayhem, Steven St. Croix
Scene from: Return to the Edge (2002)
Directed by Nick Orleans
17 mins
The Acts: (In Order) F to F Oral, F to F Fingering, M to F Oral, Salad Tossing, Vaginal Doggie, 2 F to M Oral, Group Oral, Straight Vaginal Sex, 2 F Vaginal Masturbation, Anal Deep Penetration, Anal Scissors, Anal Pile Driver, $S on Stomach and Chest
The Reaction: Steven St. Croix is usually good for a nice, naughty bit of body business, but this terribly underlit, badly directed hand held nonsense is the very definition of asexuality. The lens never sits still, acting like a boat on the high seas as the image teeters back and forth. The Blair Witch Project didn't have this much frame fidgeting. Then there is the group grope dynamic. What does it say for this film that, when Steve is frolicking with the brunettes, the minute the blond comes in he's all over her like stink on shit? And then when he wants some backdoor lovin', it's a dark haired honey to the rescue? Even with all the action going on, this scene is a scattershot, unfocused mess, not very appealing and barely arousing.
The Score: 4.5/10

Scene 15: Taylor Rain, Evan Stone
Scene from: Rawhide (2003)
Directed by Nicholas Steele
9 mins
The Acts: (In Order) Intense Foreplay, F to M Oral with lots of Spit, Upside Down M to F Oral, Intense Fingering, Salad Tossing, Reverse Cowgirl, Vaginal Doggie, Anal Pile Driver with Deep Penetration, $S down Vagina and Ass

The Reaction: While Evan Stone is a well-known downer for this critic, this is actually a very good scene. Dripping with over-saturated colors (the grass is ultra-green, the pinks are electric) and erotic atmosphere, Evan and Taylor make the most out of what is basically a minor sequence of sex. Especially nice is the manner in which Evan manhandles Ms. Rain. He gets her upside down so he can suck on her cunt with carnal glee and when the anal eventually occurs, he pistons his way into her poon with complete abandon. Too bad the scene is so short. By the time the kissing and cuddling is over, there is little time left for the hardcore humping.
The Score: 8/10

Scene 16: Jewel De'Nyle, Randy Spears
Scene from: Weekend Getaway (2002)
Directed by Nicholas Steele
12 mins
The Acts: F to M Oral with Deep Throating and Spit, Cowgirl, Vaginal Doggie, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, $S on Face, A to M for Finishing
The Reaction: Having seen this sequence as a bonus bit on the Naked Hollywood 21 & 22 DVD, it's fairly redundant to review it again. Needless to say, this scene is very extreme, with the two performers going all out most of the time. Both border on appearing pained for how hard they are working. Randy especially looks like he's running a marathon he hasn't prepared for. A very nice bit of mouth and butt action.
The Score: 7.5/10

Scene 17: Aria, Lee Stone
Scene from: Vixxen (2002)
Directed by F. J. Lincoln
13 mins
The Acts: (In Order) Foreplay, M to F Oral, Salad Tossing, F to M Oral with Lots of Spit, Standing Vaginal Reverse Cowgirl, Standing Vaginal Scissors, Anal, Anal Doggie with Deep Penetration, $S on Ass
The Reaction: Lincoln's only scene in the set is a barnburner, if only because Aria and Lee are so hot for the trotting. This is the best looking, most accomplished directing job in the collection. The action is steamy and very satisfying and almost every aspect here is spot on. Too bad it has to be tossed in with the rest of this hit or miss mess.

The Score: 8.5/10

Scene 18: Ashley Long, Tyron King, Sledge Hammer
Scene from: Total Exposure (2003)
Directed by Nick Orleans
14 mins
The Acts: (In Order) Solo F Masturbation, Toy Play, M to F Oral, F to M Oral, F to 2 M Oral, Vaginal Doggie, More F to M Oral, Cowgirl, More F to M Oral, Cowgirl, Double Penetration with Anal Doggie, Multiple $S on Face
The Reaction: Between Tyron's taffy pull peter and Sledge's stocky build, this scene offers very little in the way of male machismo to sell the interracial randiness. Ashley seems overwhelmed by the demands of these dudes and this renders the sex a chore, rather than a natural carnal coupling. This is also some of the worst double penetration ever attempted. Since both men are rather flaccid and Ashley is placed in an awkward position (actually laying ON Sledge) not much happens except dicks sitting in orifices. ZZZZZZ!

The Score: 3/10

Scene 19: Cherie, Nikko Night
Scene from: High Class Ass (2002)
Directed by Nick Orleans
15 mins
The Acts: (In Order) F to M Oral, Tit Fucking, Ball Play, M to F Oral with Fingering, Straight Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Doggie, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, $S on Chest
The Reaction: The last scene in this compilation is rather routine. It's the standard sequence of acts leading to a money shot, nothing more or less. The anal action is pronounced and preferred to some of the half-hearted oral Olympics traded. But without a single scorching moment or passionate provision between our lead performers, the sequence is static and lackluster.
The Score: 3/10

Phew! Take a breath. Grab a drink rich in re-hydrants and relax for a moment. That's one huge Goddamn shitload of porn – make that a shitload of PEDESTRIAN porn. With the overwhelming majority of the motion being in the basic or boring category, a DVD like The Big Ass Anal Exxxtravaganza is way too much effort for far too little payoff. With only seven scenes getting a score above a five and the rest residing at the below par level, there is way too much filler, even for a four hour plus presentation. Frankly, the better way to package this butt boffing bonanza would be to offer 240 minutes of nothing but dick in ass. That's right, cut out all the oral crap and vaginal junk, compile about 70 or 80 cheek-splitting sequences and cut to the red-eyed rampage. This disc should function in the following manner: hardcore anal action, money shot, on to the next scene. Instead, this is a compilation with the sphincter shuffle being the least performed act overall. Still, there will be some people who see the substantial summit of smut offered and think "Hurrah! Lots and lots of bang for my buck." And they'd be right. But this disc is only recommended for those who do not care if the action is routine or even remotely involving. Anyone hoping for a hodgepodge of hot dumper delirium will be sadly disappointed. But those looking to make their adult industry dollar stretch will, perhaps, enjoy this Wal-Mart of below the waist wonderment.

The Video:
There is no amount of negative naysaying that could occur to describe how horrendous this DVD looks. So compressed that sub-atomic particles fuse and then split while it plays, the 1.33:1 full screen image is barely watchable in parts. Hardcore sells itself on the audience being able to see details and intimate aspects of all sex acts. But when the pixelization performs like a self-created censor, blurring the best parts and rendering the rectal action out of focus, there is virtually no reason to bother with this collection. Next time Adam and Eve want to offer double the capacity of most digital discs, they would be advised to go with a flipper, or a second DVD. It is also worth noting that for every excellent, artistic use of imagery (Rawhide, Photogenic) there are scenes where the production elements are awful (Secret Suburban Sex Parties, Total Exposure). From over-exposed to under lit, the images on this disc are a veritable glossary of inept video and film production.

The Audio:
While not quite as bad as the video, the audio here is also a mixed mound of crap. Some scenes are easily understood. Some have the volume turned down so low you wonder why they bothered to have an aural track at all. Music occasionally blots out dialogue, while other times, the sound is sensational. Without a standard benchmark for what we hear, your hand will be far too busy manipulating the remote to provide any manner of pleasurable self-stimulation. Dolby Digital Stereo has never sounded so flat as it does here.

The Extras:
With four hours of ultra-crammed imagery available on one DVD, do you really want bonuses, as well? Well, too fucking bad. There aren't any.

Final Thoughts:
If you're looking for quantity over quality, then The Big Ass Anal Exxxtravaganza just may be your cup of crud. And since there is such a diversity of deviance here, a rental may be in order for the interested ass fan. After all, there are at least three or four scenes that actually cut the ferocious fucking mustard and as long as you're not expecting an all anus opus, you probably won't be disappointed. The Disco Dirge was however, and so the Peter Meter only rates a lukewarm 5/10. It is possible that with all the product here, couples could find something that they could mutually agree (and masturbate) on, so a reluctant, probationary Cohabitation Certificate is granted. But let's face facts; the title is a sham, the kind of bait and switch one expects from the Hollywood blockbuster, not the adult entertainment industry. The Big Ass Anal Exxxtravaganza violates all the nouns in said moniker, as it is rather a small, almost anything but butt sex symposium. Adam and Eve should be ashamed. Lovers of the derriere will be more bored than 'butt'ressed by this title.