GENRE: All Girl Gonzo Competition
DIRECTOR: Cousin Stevie
STARS: Harmony, August, Alana Evans, Silky Thumper, Natalia Wood, Nikki Hunter, Michelle Lay, Jade Hsu
DATES OF PRODUCTION: 2004
LENGTH: 170 mins with bonus material

One of the best reality shows to come out of the entire, now tired genre, is Showtime's sex industry study as kinfolk fracas known as Family Business. Revolving around Adam "Seymour Butts" Glasser and his seemingly surreal life as businessman, father and smut peddler/producer/procurer, it is a sensible, sometimes salient look at how the little guy battles for recognition in a billion dollar industry, while keeping his relatives from ruining everything. Among all the storylines of quality control, scheduling foul-ups and financial snafus, we get to know Adam and his staff, including mother Lila and the caustic Cousin Stevie. A notorious crank with the F-word constantly poised on his lips, this self-designated important player in the Butts Empire is more in the habit of messing things up than solving any problems. And while he likes to think he focuses solely on his work, he seems in understandable awe of the entire XXX domain.

Now, Stevie has started his own line of adult titles (we've seen him asking Adam for pointers all throughout Business's two seasons on the air) and Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party is his premier offering. Now in it's fifth issuance, this unusually formatted, all-female fuck fest has an interesting premise, a wealth of wicked women, and, so far, some fairly uneven results. DVD Talk has reviews of Pussy Party Volume 1, Issue 1, 2 and 4 on site, and you will find wildly divergent opinions therein. As for this critical view of Issue 3, this version of vice is an oddly hit-or-miss affair that actually manages to make same sex situations both passionate and pedestrian. Why this is becomes the first of many mysteries that need to be explored before a trip into Stevie's kingdom of cunt can truly be recommended.

The DVD:
All right, granted: the premise is pretty strange. Cousin Stevie interviews a series of women, from which he will eventually choose eight. These gals are then given instructions. They will gather at a secret location - favorite fuck toys and sexy lingerie in tow - and prepare to plump and ply each other's privates for a panel of "judges". They will be scored on varying scales of sexuality, from their overall look to their proficiency at pussy prying. The winner of this "competition", as chosen by the collection of eager evaluators will win...well, it's never quite clear (turns out it's a large BONUS in their otherwise normal onscreen sex selling check). As for the actual contest itself, the words free-for-all and melee are just a 'tip of the iceberg' hint at the level of lewdness that goes on during a coochie carnival, as gals get gonzo for the sake of a few cents. All manner of shaft substitutes are used and every facet of fem-on-fem fluffing is explored. It's all presented in a straightforward, camcorder fashion that brings an authentic, 'you are there' aura to the presentation. In the end, the ladies, all spent like a government check, await the verdict as Stevie announces the "winner" and another Pussy Party is complete.

Here is a checklist of proclivity prerequisites one must muddle through before approaching something as curious as Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party: Volume 1, Issue 3. Your answers will help guide a decision on whether or not to indulge in this deranged derivation of a fuck film. First, you must really love lesbians, but not in the "two gals kissing is sure swell" ideal. Nope, unless you adore seeing women work each other over like a cowboy with a pinch of Skoal between his cheek and gum, you may find the ferocious fetlock frisking here to be far too much of a same sex thang. Second, if you believe that toys are for tots, not twats, you may want to bypass this product placement as pussy pandering with its various jelly vibe variations. There are so many faux phalluses and pretend peter paradigms during a pussy par-tee that the mind almost instantly boggles at what babes will boost up into their body. Third, you need to be in tune with a "no narrative, complete lack of scene" situation where the sex sequence is concerned. Like a NASCAR of nookie, once Stevie drops the green fuck flag, it's every orifice for itself in a neverending loop of loin lunching. Finally, a lack of dick must delight, not derail you. Sure, we have the strap on stand ins and the various glass glands, but when it comes to men putting their meat to the heat, this revelry is a ma'ams night out only.

Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party: Volume 1, Issue 3 is a slapdash Sappho, middling male fantasy fest functioning under the pretense of a gal-on-gal cunt carousing competition. It's gratuity as a true spectator sport and the group grope as a way to earn a larger paycheck at the end of the ordeal. You got to give that old goat Glasser points for novelty: who else would devise a game in which wantonness and a desire to be constantly deflowered are the standards of success. And in some ways, the weird premise sort of works. Naturally, it requires the right combination of girls, and a very aggressive cinematic eye, but when it does come together, this Cousin's concept really comes alive. Mind you, it is a very interactive experience, meaning that you can't just sit back with a handful of Jergens waiting for the apropos moment to jerk your joint. Due to the constant canvassing of the copulating, it is hard to get a handle of who's zooming who. You have to hope that the cameraman or the editor allows a glimpse beyond a few fleeting moments before they move on to the next nookie notion. Evidently, you have to be on your toes and off your hose to really get into this tit for twat extravaganza. And sometimes, all that effort is actually not worth it.

There is no need to elaborate or explain all the acts performed over the course of the 90 maddening minutes that make up the bulk of this presentation. Let's just say that every lesbian routine you can imagine is represented – over and over and over again. Wanna see some squirting or grinding? You'll get gallons of it here. Need to savor some scandalous strap-on action, complete with V/A to M and pile driving? Look no further than this tainted Tupperware gala. Want a few freakish fetish moments explored for your personal pole bending (facets with feet or the sharing of spit)? Your risqué relative has said serving of sin ready for the rod rocking. Indeed, there is perhaps not a single element of girl-girl gratuity NOT explored in Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party: Volume 1, Issue 3. Guys who find the expression of Lesbos love to be the ultimate in member mesmerizing will find their hog good and hypnotized by this title. But any one else used to the naughty normalcy of the standard hardcore pictogram (you know, the whole "cabaret, oral, positions, pop" routine) will merely shake their head in none-money misery. Like gonzo gone glitz or the camcorder made crass and commercial, this infomercial to iniquity (not to mention toys – check out the overlong ad for Phallux that plays BEFORE the film is over) is a Bronx cheer to the usual ball and socket stuff.

Still, if all the caveats haven't warned you off the lasciviousness and you're still wondering what to expect, there are a few prurient highlights that will make a voyage into Stevie's cousin coattails creation a time well spent. Among the standouts in this octet of orifice opening are Silky Thumper, a tight, tanned beach gal who mixes athleticism with a kind of California surfer softness to make her an instant obsession. The haughty, humble Harmony has a rack that demands attention (and a little nipple nibbling) while showing she can play pussy possum with even the most skilled slit picker. Michelle Lay and August represent a couple of comely lasses, combining skills and frills that make them a groin grabbingly great pair to behold. And Jade Hsu - while far too skinny and skanky for the Dirge's taste - will probably puff up a peter or two with her depraved, drugged out dynamic (check out her video interview to see a completely incoherent example of being wasted). However, eventual "winner" Nikki Hunter is the true standout here, a rough and tumble damsel who lives it large and loves to be in charge. She takes as good as she gives and when she's not knocking boots with one of the broads, she's lending a hand – or a simulated trouser snake – to the proceedings. Almost pre-destined to triumph (the camera spends an inordinate amount of time on her travails), she does seem to love lay lady laying along with the other lovelies in the challenge.

So what about Natalia Wood and Alana Evans you ask? Don't they do something to warrant a mention? The answer, sadly, is yes and no. Yes, meaning that they just don't sit along the sidelines as the hardcore happens around them. They are frequent and fiery compatriots, like everyone in the Pussy Party. No, the reason it's hard to spotlight their accomplishments is, oddly enough, the very reason why this exercise in cervical excess ultimately miscarries. Cousin Stevie has come up with a good idea, and the gangbang orgy theme for a grouping of gals borders on the genius (though the Where the Boys Aren't Series may disagree with such an assessment). But the follow through can never live up to the foundation, and the catch as catch can camera style sinks any real attempt at cohesion. So what would make this otherwise messy, muddled title into a true blue winner? Well, for one thing, Stevie needs to turn the directing reigns over to someone with a clue regarding shot selection, framing, and most importantly, narrative flow. While it's hard to imagine getting anything remotely consistent out of an eight girl bacchanalia, knowing when to keep the camera on the action and when to move away would be a nice, basic lesson for all of Stevie's lensmen to learn.

Also, the production value could be pumped up. If this is a contest, make it seem like something festive, not half-baked. Give the "judges" placards, or maybe incorporate a couple of commentators, Iron Chef style. Add some pizzazz with interesting lighting or gallant guest stars. Or perhaps just keep the entire enterprise from looking like a bush league bachelor party. If this is a celebration and challenge to find the finest Lez head in the valley, treat it as such. Finally, Stevie's series name SUCKS. While it sounds rather ribald, Pussy Party just doesn't extrapolate on what is really happening here. Hard to imagine he missed this one, but in any case, the Dirge has a nomenclature change for you, Steve my man, free of charge: Cousin Stevie's Horny Ho-Down. It's concise, it's catchy and it really informs the audience about what to expect. As it stands, Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party is a work in progress. If all the kinks can be worked out while leaving the other, preferred fetish facets alone, this could be a phenomenon of snatch sampling. As it stands, it's just an ambivalent bit of bonking.

The Video:
Neither atrocious nor amazing, Cousin Stevie's 1.33:1 full screen XXX femme festival looks pretty good for a homemade happening. The fleshtones are properly maintained and the image is inordinately clean and crisp. Some of the contrasts could have been a little clearer, since we tend to miss some details in the soft focus approach of the camcording. While far from reference quality, or even on par with most of the more professional porn product on the market, this is still a nice, natural transfer with a minimum of cinematic mistakes.

The Audio:
On the sound side, Cousin Stevie has some serious recording issues. Whenever anyone talks in this title, they are barely audible. Instead of moving from a whisper to a scream, we seem to flow from a murmur to outright silence during any concept of conversation. Of course, once the dames get down to the douche busting, the sonics reverberate with the blissful blare of sex sounds. This volume variable undermines the aural attributes of the disc, meaning you're either going to be bombarded by, or jack down the remote and flat out ignore the Dolby Digital Stereo situation. Here's a lesson for all you wannabe adult auteurs – the internal mic on your handheld digital device is definitely NOT your friend. Spend the extra credit on the card and spring for a sound man.

Extras:
Taking a lesson from his ass-happy relative, Stevie serves up a few fascination bonuses on this rather weighty DVD. First up, we get to see how this Pussy Party was created. We are treated to nearly 50 minutes of interview footage as our same sex provocateur puts the questionnaire to potential poon candidates. As the opening title card says, ten were interviewed, eight were invited to participate, and the two not chosen stand out like stepchildren at a fundamentalist family reunion. Both girls seem nice enough, but their egotistical attitude obviously had no place in Stevie's smut scenario. The rest of the "Video Bios" - as this feature is called - is fascinating stuff. It is here where you will see Jade go junkie, hear Nicki discuss her love of anal, and discover that Silky Thumper's real name is Heather. An actual 'making of' featurette is also included, and the pre-pouncing pep talk from the director, along with some off the cuff fun stuff makes this a nice companion piece.

There is also some exceptional bonus footage here that, frankly, should have found its way into the film proper. Why it was left out makes absolutely no sense, considering the incredible contortionist-like lengths two gals go to in order to get off. Along with typical digital dung – read: weblinks and photo gallery gunk – Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party: Volume 1, Issue 3 has a great deal of contextual heft. Too bad it's surrounding such an unconventional adult title.

Final Thoughts:
Working with his far more famous cousin, Stevie has obviously learned a few flesh peddling tricks. He understands what guys want, and tries to put that pro-pussy dynamic on film for all the men to masturbate over. But with its limited overall appeal and lack of a central femme Frenching focus, Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party: Volume 1, Issue 3 still leaves its audience with more blue balls than rock solid relief. On the Disco Dirge Peter Meter, the title earns a middling 5 out of 10 and is a real borderline call. While a recommendation is being handed out, this is really no more than a rental for most fans of honey glazed hardcore. And unless your significant other is into aggressive girl/girl gladhanding with lots of violation and toy time, you may find the nonstop clit concept hampers, not heightens, the couples conceit. Therefore, a Cohabitation Certification is withheld. With a little reconfiguring and a definite name change, Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party could be something really fresh and fun in the staid old schematic of XXX titles. Lesbianism is a stalwart in the world of porn, and when done right, it's a real rod tickler. Pussy Party is about halfway there. Hopefully, Stevie can rise to the occasion, so that we can too.