First Impressions:
For a long time, the Dirge has decried the same sex title (read: all girl-on-girl action). Nothing sends his personal proclivities adrift in depressed waters quicker than some sloppy Sappho burlesque. Well, it may now be time to name a new number one on the list of unexciting adult genres – the pick up and pork, fresh off the street "first timer" title. You know the diddling drill – a group of goofy guys cruise around some exotic locale (Miami, LA, Greater Peoria) and score XXX "virgins" (read: porn stars so unknown that they can pass for naïve newcomers). The gents give their standard greasy come-ons, the girls go all gooey in their slinky slut shorts, and before you know it, long sequences of reverse cowgirl are on the menu. Unlike most of the hardcore faithful, who suspend their dicking disbelief long enough to accept this pretend premise, yours truly sees right through the ruse and scoffs in suck and fuck disgust. There's just something completely antithetical to even the most gratuitous gonzo that occurs when you know that everyone is "faking" it. Porn is supposed to be real on screen sex. Adding this layer of forced phoniness robs this critic of such a sound conceit. Unfortunately, Filthy's First Taste is all about this kind of con job cornholing.

The Sex Scenes:
Since we have to suffer through the set up each and every time the smut is supposed to start, Filthy's First Taste is about 40% chatting up and 60% screwing. This means that, for its two hour running time, about 50 minutes consists of idiots trying to act suave and cum queens trying to appear innocent. Frankly, this kind of mindless blathering really puts poison in the old arousal dynamic. Secondly, we are supposed to believe this is the first time for all these gals, so the positions provided and the length of time spent with each are both dictated by such a scenario. Except for Scene 4, which tries to stir things up by including a few moments of vaginal gaping, there is nothing but routine ramming here. Finally, for those who match meat puppet to pussy in the passion department, this is some of the most non-erotic engagement between adult performers ever put on video. There is absolutely no chemistry between the pairs, and more times than not, the 'going through the motions' notion of the nookie are so obvious as to be annoying. It's one thing to put people who hate each other together and then film them fornicating. It's another to pretend everyone is hot to trot, only to see the chilly reception the oncoming cock receives.

Scene 1: Peyton
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Cabaret, Mish, Pile Driver, Reverse Cowgirl, Cowgirl, Doggy, $hot in Mouth, Swallowing
Score: 2 out of 5

The first element you have to get over when it comes to Filthy's First Taste is the endless, nonstop chatter. From the moment our "talent" is picked up in an art gallery (yeah...RIGHT!) to the final flowing of man milk, the participants in this derivative sequence just can't shut up. Either Pike is pouring on the "fuck me, baby" bullshit, or Peyton is putting on the whole "dirty slut/saint" routine via a Jessica Simpson level of acting acumen. Still, when these pair stop monologing and begin sugar walling, the results produce some minor heat. Sadly, this is about as good as this film gets.

Scene 2: Breanna Fox
Acts Performed: Stripping, Cabaret, Blowjob, Nut Job, Doggy, Cowgirl, Mish, $hot in Mouth
Score: 1.5 out of 5

Doing demure about as well as a horny hooker desperate for her daily heroin fix, Ms. Fox is obviously an old pro at XXX action. The minute her meat man unsheathes his wang, she works it like a hyena gnawing on a neckbone. The rest of the sequence is dull and derivative, however. Dude inserts cock, Breanna bumps and grinds like a well worn industry pro. With only three positions attempted (and lots of forceful ramming to indicate how supposedly 'hot' the couple are) there is nothing very inventive in this scene. If you love seeing blonds getting boned by swarthy men with large dicks, you'll definitely dig both this eros-free exchange (and Scene 3 as well). If you want a little more diversity for your flesh film dollar, this DVD will disappoint you time and time again.

Scene 3: Summer Long
Acts Performed: Stripping, Cabaret, Blowjob, Nut Job, Doggy, Cowgirl, Mish, $hot in Mouth
Score: 1.5 out of 5

Similar to Breanna in looks – maybe even a tad more fetching in fact - and just as lousy in the lay department, you'll swear you're seeing double once this routine randiness is over. For all their wild and wanton excesses, Summer and her shaft maestro just can't build up a good head of hardcore steam. Even the rough play and hair pulling ring a rather false and forgettable note. If anything, it's scenes like these that prove the Dirge's dislike of such ersatz gonzo goofiness.

Scene 4: Adrianna Deville,
Acts Performed: Stripping, Cabaret, Blowjob, Nut Job, Mish, Gaping, Doggy, Reverse Cowgirl, Cowgirl, $hot in Mouth
Score: 2 out of 5

Here's a sequence that is saved by one purely superficial element – Ms. Deville is very easy on the eyes. Without a doubt, she's the best looking actress in this entire production. Body tanned and honed to practical perfection, and with a direct demeanor that seems to suggest a desire to fuck and suck all night, she's a potential star (that is, if she isn't already – wink, wink). Paired with some pud whose all prick and very little personality, Adrianna must do all the sex selling – and she almost succeeds. Sadly, the balcony location, high above the South Beach area of Miami, is more impressive than the porking provided.

Scene 5: Bianca,
Acts Performed: Foreplay, Cabaret, Blowjob, Nut Job, Doggy, V to M, Cowgirl, $hot to Face
Score: 1.5 out of 5

Bianca's scene is more about the beach than about the ball. We spend a long time watching her wade around in the Atlantic, dopey dudes sitting surf side commenting on every aspect of her fuckable frame. Then we switch to a hotel room where inordinately large amounts of time are spent admiring her rock hard fake tits. By the time our sunburnt behemoth steps in to plow the poon, we are already halfway to Who Cares Central. Sadly, the couple does nothing to keep us from shacking up in said residence of indifference. Still, Bianca does try, providing the sole moment of V to M on the entire disc. She basically allows her obvious hardcore tendencies to trickle out, in defiance of the whole 'first taste' core conceit. She really shouldn't have bothered covering up. By this time, most flesh feast fans will have long given up on the XXX hoax.

Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating: 2 out of 5 (Rent It)
Cohabitation Certification: Granted

Though he would never want to revisit the passive pornography offered on this DVD, the Dirge is gonna go out on a lewdness limb and assume there is a market for such mediocre monkey business. As a result, instead of an outright recommendation of Skip It, he's going to cut this carnality a small amount of slack and bump up the score to a blatantly borderline Rent It. This allows fans to fend for themselves, without spending full retail bucks to determine their appreciation for such XXX tricks. By the way, couples will find nothing to complain about here. The material is so minor that a Cohabitation Certification is more or less a given. Just remember one thing – your overall appreciation of this kind of cock and bull ersatz action will depend greatly on whether or not you believe the title premise. If you think the novice angle is sincere, you'll probably pop all over the Amray case. But cooler heads will see right through the amateur subterfuge, and this makes Filthy's First Taste look like insignificant sexual old hat.