Synopsis

Smokin' Hot Gazongas is a conventional five-scene boy/girl flick that highlights the ten magnificent tits owned by Abbey Brooks, Hunter Bryce, Aiden Starr, Sarah Jessie, and Capri Cavalli. It was directed by--and features--Mr. Tera Patrick, otherwise known as Spyder Jonez.

Spyder plays the host of Rockstar Pimp, a talk show reminiscent of the many late-night shows on TV. Spyder, as host, introduces each girl, chats her up a bit, lets her give us a bit of a striptease/masturbation show, and then joins her for some standard boy/girl vaginal in-and-out action. Spyder is the only guy in the movie and, since he has a penchant for facials, he gives them all mouthfuls of his cum. The "good" whores swallow while the "bad" whore spits.

Each of the five scenes follows exactly the same pattern. And, four of the scenes were shot on the same couch in the same living room. The third scene, which is the most creative, takes place in a dungeon set. Since Spyder is the only male featured in the movie, the only thing that really changes from scene-to-scene is the girl.

Speaking of the girls, Spyder assembled an extremely fine cast. I suppose that Spyder is a bit spoiled when it comes to female flesh--since he gets to fuck the incomparable Tera Patrick any time he wants. So, it does make sense that he wouldn't cast any less-than-A-list girls.

Given the quality--and beauty--of the cast, it's a shame that Spyder didn't show off their talents a bit more. In particular, his moves are the same from scene to scene and become, well, predictable. In addition, Spyder's a bit of a selfish lover, I think, since he doesn't go down on and eat any of the five delectable pussies. I simply cannot understand guys who bypass cunnilingus. To me, girl juice is the nectar of the gods and I would never think of fucking a woman without imbibing!

This is the first movie I have reviewed produced by Iron Cross, Spyder's studio spun off from his wife's TeraVision. Frankly, I was very enthusiastic about watching this movie, given the quality of the cast and Spyder and Tera's previous work in various TeraVision releases. I expected great creativity, given Spyder's musician background, and received five trite cookie-cutter scenes. I expected hard-core, edgy, and orgasm-intensive sex, and I received the commonplace. I expected a movie made to please me, the viewer, and received what I truly believe is Spyder's excuse to ream non-Tera pussy (he even admitted in the movie that the sex was all about him, but we could watch!).

I know Spyder quite well, and have talked verbally and through e-mail with him extensively. I consider him a colleague and friend. We really agree on most things related to adult movies. So, I say: "Please, Spyder, put your real talent into your movies and rise above this ordinary and quite predictable fare."

Check out some photos of the girls in Smokin' Hot Gazongas here.
Pay particular attention to all ten beautiful breasts, especially those owned by the sumptuous Abbey Brooks! Also, be sure to note how much Sarah Jessie looks like her Sex in the City mainstream namesake. Enjoy!

Review

Note to readers: My reviews are provided in two parts. This webpage provides you with an overview of the scene's setup and action as well as my ratings for sex, video, audio, and production values. A separate Word document checklist details the foreplay activities, positions, pops, and features of each scene...as well as the calculation of each scene's ratings. The checklist for Smokin' Hot Gazongas can be downloaded here. You'll need a password. It's drjay2009.

Look for scenes and movies with a 4.5 or higher (A) sex rating and at least 4.0 (B) in video, audio, and production values. Those are my favorite scenes and I'm quite certain that you'll like them, too.

Scene 1

Scene Type: Boy/girl

Performers: Abbey Brooks, Spyder Jonez

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: Spyder, as host of Rockstar Pimp, introduces scrumptious Abbey Brooks, chats her up a bit as she sits on a couch in the corner of a "set," has her give us a bit of a striptease/masturbation show, and then joins her for some standard boy/girl vaginal in-and-out action in a variety of positions (see list below). Beautiful Abbey gives a very nice performance and gets to cum repeatedly. To end the scene, Spyder pops into Abbey's mouth and, good slut that she is, she swallows.

Foreplay: Interview, striptease, kissing, masturbation, tit licking and squeezing, spit swapping, handjob, fellatio, deep throat, jaw breakers, stringers, balls gobbling, two-finger-fucking, clit jacking.

Vaginal Positions: Missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, standing doggie.

Anal Positions: DP with cock (pussy) and fingers (anus).

Girl cums: Repeatedly

Pop: Open mouth; she swallows.

Sex rating: 4.20

Video rating: 4.50

Audio rating: 4.00

Production values rating: 4.10

What I Liked Most:

• Abbey has magnificent tits...and they look outstanding when she gets fucks--and cums--in doggie.
• Abbey maintains superb eye contact with us.
• Great camera angles and close-ups of the in-and-out action.
• Spyder finger fucks Abbey's cunt and makes her squirt/cum!
• Abbey's fuck-back moves are hot, especially when they fuck while she lies on her side.
• Abbey DPs herself by shoving a finger up her ass while Spyder pounds her pussy.
• Spyder pumps his load onto Abbey's gorgeous face and into her wide-open mouth; she swallows greedily. She also slurps up wayward globs of semen from the couch upon which they fucked.
• There is a very nice "instant replay" of the pop, and it's presented in chic black-and-white.

What Could Have Been Better:

• There should be transitioning footage between the sexual positions...at least the insertions should be shown.
• Some of the action should have been better lit.
• If I were in Spyder's place, I would have fucked Abbey's fine big tits.

What I Didn't Like:

• There is no cunnilingus in the scene...Spyder, you should always eat your woman's vagina!

Scene 2

Scene Type: Boy/girl

Performers: Aiden Starr, Spyder Jonez

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: Set in the same set as Scene One, Scene Two follows exactly the same pattern. The only differences are the girl (Aiden instead of Abbey) and Aiden's very unfortunate decision to spit out Spyder's semen at the end of the scene.

Foreplay: Interview, striptease, kissing, masturbation, spit swapping, tit squeezing, hair pulling, handjob, fellatio, deep-throat, stringers, balls-gobbling, finger fucking, clit jacking.

Vaginal Positions: Missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, kneeling doggie, piledriver.

Anal Positions: None.

Girl cums: At least twice.

Pop: Open mouth; she spits.

Sex rating: 3.55

Video rating: 3.50

Audio rating: 4.00

Production values rating: 3.40

What I Liked Most:

• Aiden does a very nice job of finger-fucking her pussy and playing with her firm natural tits during the scene set-up.
• Aiden gets so excited that her flesh becomes covered with gooseflesh.
• Aiden's all-the-way-down, slobbery, and stringer-intensive fellatio technique is first class. She also gives a great double-fisted handjob. Her pussy-to-mouth technique is also, shall we say, ravenous!
• Aiden maintains lots of eye contact with us throughout the scene.
• Aiden's deliciously nasty vocabulary is extremely inflammatory.
• Spyder takes time to suckle Aiden's perky nipples during sex. He also consistently jacks her clit to increase her pleasure.
• Aiden is loud and vocal throughout the scene. She makes sure that Spyder--and we--know exactly how she feels and what she wants.
• Aiden does a nice job of fucking back...especially in cowgirl.
• Aiden's tits look great when they dangle in doggie.
• Spyder gapes Aiden's pussy for us during mish.
• Spyder fucks Aiden's pussy--and makes her cum--in piledriver. This is a hard-to-do and is very appreciated.
• There are numerous first-class close-ups throughout the scene.

What Could Have Been Better:

• The lighting leaves a lot to be desired throughout the scene...too many shadows.
• There are lots of jerky camera movements.
• There should be transitioning footage between the sexual positions...at least the insertions should be shown.
• There are quite a few poorly-framed camera angles in which images of importance (like Aiden's pussy) are not visible.

What I Didn't Like:

• There is no cunnilingus in the scene...Spyder, you should always eat your woman's vagina!
• Spyder pops an enormous load into Aiden's mouth and onto her face. Tragically, she then spits out his semen. Girls, don't ever spit out a man's cum. It's extremely disrespectful!

Scene 3

Scene Type: Boy/girl

Performers: Hunter Bryce, Spyder Jonez

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: Although Scene Three is set in an intriguing dungeon set, the scene follows exactly the same pattern as those that have come before. After Spyder reams Hunter's gorgeous cunt in several positions, and makes her squirt/cum repeatedly, he pops inside her mouth and, good slut that she is, she swallows.

Foreplay: Interview, kissing, masturbation, squirting, tit squeezing, hair pulling, fellatio, deep throat, jaw breakers, stringers, balls gobbling, two-finger-fucking, clit jacking.

Vaginal Positions: Missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, kneeling doggie, standing doggie, spoon, on-her-side.

Anal Positions: None.

Girl cums: Yes...and squirts!

Pop: Open mouth; she swallows.

Sex rating: 4.10

Video rating: 4.00

Audio rating: 4.00

Production values rating: 4.60

What I Liked Most:

• Hunter's rock-hard and muscular body is extremely tempting. I fucking adore her tits (especially when they bounce delightfully) and her erect, thimble-shaped nipples. Her flat hard belly is damned attractive, too.
• Hunter's personality just screams out "fuck me...take me...I'm yours!"
• Hunter's masturbation technique is awesome to behold...and must feel damned good, too, since she squirts even before sex begins!
• Hunter's deep-throat skills are award-worthy. In fact, I'm putting her on my nomination list for the 2010 XRCO deep-throat award. Truth be told, her super-slobbery fellatio technique is world-class.
• Hunter repeatedly turns her smiling face toward us, looks deeply into our eyes, and talks nasty.
• Before they begin the in-and-out action, Spyder finger-fucks Hunter's vagina and makes her squirt again! Of course, she continues to squirt/cum during sex.
• Hunter's randy body breaks out in goose pimples several times during the scene. Her pleasure is obvious!
• Spyder teases Hunter's clit by spanking it with his dick during breaks in the action.
• Hunter's squeals and groans betray her true pleasure and passion.
• Hunter's extremely sexy moves--especially in reverse cowgirl--give her so much pleasure that her squirts increase in force and volume to rival a fire hose! She even laps up her girl-juice after she squirts!
• Hunter's frequent orgasms are amazing.
• Spyder splatters Hunter's face and fills her mouth with his semen. Like a true super slut, Hunter swallows his bounty.
• There's a very nice cumshot instant replay at the end of the scene.

What Could Have Been Better:

• There should be transitioning footage between the sexual position...at least the insertions shoold be shown.
• Some of the action should have been better lit.
• If I were in Spyder's place, I would have fucked Hunter's fine big tits.

What I Didn't Like:

• There is no cunnilingus in the scene...Spyder, you should always eat your woman's vagina!

Scene 4

Scene Type: Boy/girl

Performers: Sarah Jessie, Spyder Jonez

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: See "Scene One" above, but replace "Abbey" with "Sarah."

Foreplay: Interview, striptease, kissing, masturbation, spanking, hair pulling, handjob, fellatio, deep-throat, jaw breakers, stringers, two-finger-fucking, clit jacking.

Vaginal Positions: Missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, kneeling doggie, standing doggie, piledriver.

Anal Positions: DP: cock (pussy); fingers (anus).

Girl cums: Yes.

Pop: Open mouth.

Sex rating: 4.00

Video rating: 3.00

Audio rating: 3.50

Production values rating: 3.70

What I Liked Most:

• Sarah Jessie, reminiscent of the Sexy in the City star with a similar name, has a very nice body, labia that open wide like a butterfly's wings, a clit-hood ring, and to-die-for tits (be sure to look at her photo in the gallery included with this review).
• Spyder spends lots of time during foreplay playing with--and finger-fucking--Sarah's bejeweled pussy and spanking her labia and ass cheeks.
• Sarah does most of the fucking in reverse cowgirl and, in doing so, shows off her gorgeous bejeweled vagina, big bouncing tits, and hard muscular belly. She also fucks Spyder's cock in kneeling doggie--her tits look wonderful as they dangle and bounce while she thrusts back-and-forth.
• To make sure that Sarah cums during reverse, Spyder reaches around and jacks her pierced clit with his finger--and puts her over the top!
• Spyder grabs and squeezes Sarah's fine tits while they fuck and during respites between positions.
• Spyder DPs Sarah's holes by sliding a finger up her asshole while he reams her vagina with his dick.
• Spyder fucks Sarah in piledriver. As in Scene 3, I'm very appreciative of this position.
• There are excellent close-ups of Sarah's stuffed pussy throughout the scene.

What Could Have Been Better:

• During the scene set-up, some of the dialog is very difficult to hear and understand.
• There should be transitioning footage between the sexual position...at least the insertions should be shown.
• Some of the action should have been better lit. And, the lighting is a bit too yellow for my taste.
• There are too many jerky camera movements.
• The crew occasionally position themselves in such a way that their shadows fall across the couple as they fuck.
• If I were in Spyder's place, I would have fucked Sarah's in-your-face big tits.

What I Didn't Like:

• Spyder must not like cunnilingus because, again, he neglected to eat pussy. Why?

Scene 5

Scene Type: Boy/girl

Performers: Capri Cavalli, Spyder Jonez

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: Same as Scene One except for two things: Capri replaces Abbey and Capri never gets to cum (what a fucking pity).

Foreplay: Interview, striptease, kissing, masturbation, spanking, tit squeezing, hair pulling, handjob, fellatio, deep-throat, jaw breakers, clit jacking.

Vaginal Positions: Missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, kneeling doggie.

Anal Positions: None.

Girl cums: No.

Pop: Open mouth; she swallows.

Sex rating: 2.95

Video rating: 5.00

Audio rating: 4.00

Production values rating: 3.80

What I Liked Most:

• Capri Cavalli, yet another drop-dead-gorgeous girl with a terrific rack of grade-A breasts and two of the finest ass cheeks you'll ever see, is initially dressed in a skin-tight blue dress that'll knock your socks off. By the way, her puffy labia are beautiful, too.
• Superb close-ups highlight the action as Capri masturbates her pretty pink pussy and sensitive labia during the scene set-up. In fact, the whole scene includes lots of first-class close-ups.
• Capri lets us participate in the action by looking deep into our eyes and talking to us during the scene.
• During foreplay, Spyder reams Capri's juicy cunt and strokes her proud clit.
• Capri and Spyder play with her beautiful boobs while she blows and strokes his rod.
• Capri sucks Spyder's dick with such force that her mouth "pops" when his dick slides out. Her fellatio technique is quite slobbery.
• Words cannot do justice to Capri's beauty as she fucks Spyder in reverse.
• Spyder redlines when he reams Capri's pussy in cowgirl. She, too, thrusts enthusiastically and powerfully during this position.
• Spyder pops all over Capri's pretty face and inside her mouth. She swallows.
• There's a very nice cumshot instant replay at the end of the scene.

What Could Have Been Better:

• During the scene set-up, some of the dialog is very difficult to hear and understand.
• There should be transitioning footage between the sexual positions...at least the insertions should be shown.
• Some of the action should have been better lit.

What I Didn't Like:

• Again, Spyder neglected to eat pussy. I can't understand it!
• Capri never came during the scene. What a pity!

Extras

This DVD-9 contains a minimal selection of extras including a full-motion chapter selector, multiple chapters per scene, a three minute self-running slide show, trailers for 14 TeraVision and Iron Cross releases, and website access through DVD@ccess.

Final Thoughts

The best things about Smokin' Hot Gazongas include:

• the girls' beauty. All five women are A+ quality and have stunningly-beautiful tits.
• the cum-shot "instant replays" that follow some of the pops.
• Hunter Bryce's blowjob technique and squirting pussy.
• the girls' smokin' hot striptease/masturbation sequences (especially Abbey's and Hunter's).

Smokin' Hot Gazongas could have been better if:

• footage of the couple transitioning from one position to another would have been provided.
• more attention had been paid to the lighting.
• there was a more extensive selection of Extras.
• more attention to the camera movements so they would be more fluid and less jerky.
• there had been more guys. Sorry, Spyder, but I got tired of seeing you and your predictable moves in so many scenes.

Things I didn't like about Smokin' Hot Gazongas include:

• the inexcusable lack of cunnilingus in all five sex scenes.
• Aiden Starr's unfortunate decision to spit out Spyder's semen in Scene Two.

Recap
Overall sex rating: 3.76
Overall video rating: 4.40
Overall audio rating: 3.90
Production values rating: 3.92