Gen Z Calls it “Throning,” Boomers Called it “Gold Digging”

Arm Candy, Social Climber, Clout Chaser, Dating Up, Modern Non-Romance.

Dating in America has always been complex. Likewise, achieving social and financial success has a tradition of being both difficult and dependent on personal connections. A 2018 study published in the Science Advances journal revealed that dating app users aim to hook up with people who are “25 percent more desirable than themselves.” Women have often found it necessary to leverage the company of men “above” their station in hopes of moving up in the world. Gen Z has a new name for it. They call it “Throning.”

Alas, this technique is not always appreciated. Thanks to the reality of modern finance and courtship, those once considered social climbers and gold diggers are now considered members of the 50 percent of U.S. singles who are realists adapting to a dystopian dating landscape. The eager willingness of men to parade a beautiful short-term partner of more humble social status in front of their associates to prove that they’ve still got “it” makes this a possible win-win. In return for the chance to meet and greet men and women of means and influence, the ambitious Gen Z-er puts their non-romantic partner on a pedestal. Or, in this case, a throne.

Throning isn’t just about going on dates to boost your cultural stock value and make people you’re not in love with look good. It’s also about a display of appreciation. Treat them like royalty, cater to their preferences, be on your best behavior and, under no circumstances, become the Scott Disick to your Kourtney Kardashian. In other words, keep cheating and substance abuse to a minimum.

Some, of course, question the ethics and long-term effect of such transactional relationships. Stacy Thompson, the founder of love-focused matchmaking dating app, Reddi, told Indy100 that she does not see a future in throning as a long-term dating strategy. “While it may give temporary confidence or entry into a particular circle, a relationship based primarily on social status often lacks both the depths and stability that come from shared values and emotional intimacy.”

Thompson is correct that singles in search of a spouse to share romance, love, and emotional intimacy with are advised not to make wealth or status the top priority. Hopefully, most of the people who have integrated throning into their dating routine are not looking for a lifetime thing, although sometimes magic happens.

COVID-19, high housing costs, largely stagnant wages, overpriced college degrees, rising expectations, and the convenience of the internet make throning easier and more appealing. Even so, unknowingly being on the throne is not necessarily welcome. In 2020, the dating app Plenty of Fish told Purewow that 27-percent of its users suspected that they had dated people who just wanted to leverage their professional or social position for their own purposes.

Newsweek spoke to two relationship experts, neither of whom had anything good to say about throning. Instead, The Divorce Podcast host Kate Daly and human behavior expert Jo Emerson warn that being the social climbing partner can slow personal growth, discourage shallowness, encourage dependency, drive insecurity and, even if in a mutually understood and agreed upon dynamic, cause stress on the partner tasked with making introductions and remaining worthy of their place on the throne.

“Emotional bonds are critical for navigating life’s challenges,” Daly observes. “Without a strong connection, couples struggle to build trust, empathy, and intimacy.” Because of this lack, she feels that such relationships “are often more vulnerable to external pressure such as financial instability or changes in public perception, which can erode their foundation.”

Alternately, Daly points out that, “The flip side is that it could inspire ambition or self-improvement if approached healthily. The challenge lies in balancing aspirations with emotional authenticity, ensuring relationships are a source of support rather than pressure.”

Ironically, pressure is precisely what drives Gen Z-ers to throne. Unlike what Gen X-ers and Millennials saw growing up, it’s not talent that makes people famous anymore. It’s more about the clicks, the likes, the shares, the followers, and the viral quality of the social media content each partner posts. Anyone can become famous by these standards, especially if someone else helps finance the process.

Obviously, for this kind of dating technique to be successful a delicate balance must be struck. As many an exotic dancer, cam model, and porn star who have fervent fans know, a clear and mutual understanding of what can reasonably be expected from a relationship needs to be established upfront. No matter how comfortable the throne, those on it can easily find themselves with a broken heart when they realize that the beauty who goes with them to dinners, parties, conferences, fundraisers, cruises, and other social events has no intention of loving them.

Emerson told Newsweek that behavior like throning is “one reason celebrities struggle to find love. They never know if someone is genuinely into them or not.” According to U.S. Census Bureau data, nearly half of adults in the U.S. are either happily or unhappily single. That leaves a lot of people vulnerable to unwittingly being in a throning relationship either as arm candy or candy dispenser. If you choose to enter or realize you are in a throning dating situation, my advice is to proceed cautiously, compassionately, and with forethought because hic sunt dracones. Here be dragons.