Nobody Wants to be the “Creepy Guy,” So Here’s How to Avoid It

September 16, 2024
DARKLADY

Female Redditors and More Have Anti-Creepy Guy Suggestions That Work.

“Creeper.” That’s the word that tells men they aren’t getting laid, they aren’t getting a date, and they probably aren’t getting more than an icy conversation from a woman who interests them. Being called “the creepy guy” is a death knell to dating for men who have it affixed to them, especially if they pursue women who know one another and can spread the word. Once the creepy guy, not always the creepy guy, though! Here are suggestions from actual women about how men can avoid being tossed in the creepy guy bin.

What Makes a Man “Creepy”

There are a variety of things that can fairly or unfairly label a man as creepy. There’s not much that can be done about one’s physical appearance other than improve hygiene and fashion sense, but there are behaviors that can be improved.

Age Differences: Some younger women like older men while some think they are universally creepy if they so much as look at them. Likewise, some older women adore younger men while others can’t imagine being romantic of sexual with them. Any man outside of the preferred age range is likely to be labeled creepy even if they aren’t.

First Impressions: As they say, there’s only one opportunity to make a first impression. This is especially true with introductions aimed at leading to sex or love. Be friendly, not flirty or overtly sexual. Friendly can always evolve into more but starting off with a leer rarely results in success. Some parties and other mingling-heavy events can provide better context for flirting than others. A funeral, for instance.

Vulgarity and Disrespect: Touching without permission, referring to body parts or activities in profane terms, talking down to her, and ignoring her rejection all qualify as creepy. If it’s not something a straight man would say to a straight man they’ve just met, it’s best to keep quiet.

Where to Meet Women

In real estate, there’s a motto: Location, location, location. It’s the same with meeting someone and seeing if there’s romantic or sexual chemistry. In the best of worlds, there’s both. In the worst, neither. Making a play for attention in some locations is far more likely to result in a favorable or at least polite response than doing it in the wrong place. Having said that, there are times when it doesn’t matter where or how a man introduces himself because there is not a match for any number of reasons that have nothing to do with him.

Long After the Thrill of Living is Gone writes for Medium.com and has some strong opinions about when, where, and how to meet women of interest.

Proceed with Caution/Avoid

Bars: It’s possible to meet someone approachable and appropriate at a bar but it’s a crapshoot. Alcohol can make people seem more attractive, amusing, intelligent, and emotionally stable. People can also misstate their relationship status or interest in a relationship, too.

Grocery Store: Unless the store has a special focus that can lend itself naturally to conversation, most women don’t want to be bothered by strange men while they shop.

Gyms: If she’s wearing headphones, she’s not looking for romance at that moment. She’s looking for cardiovascular fitness. That doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily a bad idea to ask if she minds someone using the equipment next to her. Politely catch her attention, check to make sure she’s comfortable with someone next to her, and exercise. If she’s interested, the headphones will come off. Just don’t mansplain her workout to her or tell her how hot she is.

Public Transportation: Unless the goal is to make a woman feel trapped in a crowded moving vehicle with a strange man hitting on her, this is not an ideal place to try to turn up the charm.

Work: If she’s providing a service of some kind, she is going to be politely friendly. Do not interpret this as a desire on her part to be hit on. If she’s a co-worker, be aware that this could go bad in a big way. This may not be the case if either person is about to leave a position with the company or at least not work together directly. Any expressions of interest should be lowkey, a note with social media contact info, for instance.

@niicole.koch Part one. #target #creep #stalker #SoundcoreGoForGold #staysafe ♬ TWINNEM - Coi Leray

Full Speed Ahead

Hobbies: Hobby groups, clubs, and gatherings can be a great place to meet someone with common interests.

Home Improvement Stores: Here is an opportunity for well-mannered handymen to share expertise and not come off like jerks. If a woman is pondering her purchase options, the opinion of someone who has experience with them can be welcome. This also lets her know that she’s talking to a man who’s handy with tools and household repairs.

School: Again, there’s a common bond here. There are classes to discuss, homework to help one another with, on-campus activities to do together, and familiar places to meet that can provide a feeling of security.

Volunteering: Like hobbies, people met during volunteer activities already have something in common. Shared values are important for a lasting bond, so it’s easy to talk about the reasons the organization or responsibility is of interest and feels good to help.

Essential Details

Madelaine Lucy Hanson put it succinctly in her column on Medium.com when she observed that:

Women are as complex, curious, and human as men.
Women feel the same emotions and temptations as men.
Women are often cautious and a little afraid of strange men who approach them.
Women constantly meet men who think pretending to be friends will get them laid.

@msheavenonearthh This absolute creeppppp!!! Still never answered what he does with these videos and pics. #creep #coneyisland #reconnectingwithnature #exposed #fyp #creepytok ♬ original sound - ELISA

When LesPaulSteve asked the single women of /AskReddit for ideas about how to approach them without being creepy, he received hundreds of answers from them, as well as men who had successfully met, dated, and even married women. Among the words of wisdom were the following.

Accept “no” gracefully.
Do not assume physical contact is welcome.
Do not corner or block women so they can’t get away.
Limit complements to things the woman controls, like her hair or garments, not her boobs.
Do not ask personal questions like where she lives or her number.
It’s better to give her contact info than ask for hers.

Single women of Reddit, what's the best way to approach you without coming off as creepy?
byu/LesPaulSteve inAskReddit

How to Have a Horrible Date

Buzzfeed writers Fabiana Buontempo and Kayla Yandoll have been on a few dates with men who made it past the introduction stage. Here are some lessons they learned from dates that weren’t just bad, they were awful.

Do not surprise her with a passionate interest in kink, especially if the goal is a Dominant/submissive power dynamic.
Do not lie about being a father or assure her that the kids are unimportant.
Do not try to convert her to a new religion.
Do not monopolize the conversation. Ask questions, too.
Do not freak out on her and scream love and devotion.
Do not start talking about what future children with her would look like.

· trying to force conversation when it’s already been rejected. Like in the store or in a public space, if you attempt small talk and they ignore it or blow you off… it’s creepy to insist on it

· staring. Just standing nearby or following someone and staring is creepy

· being too excited about photos on social media

In Summation

Dating is a pain in the butt for both men and women. It can be hard to know what a stranger likes or finds enjoyable. Good manners are timeless, though, and being respectful is rarely the wrong choice. Even then, if the chemistry isn’t mutual, the woman is already partnered, she’s a lesbian, isn’t dating, or doesn’t even know why she’s not interested, there’s no guarantee of a love or lust connection. It doesn’t mean anyone is doing anything wrong. Rejection is part of most people’s dating experience, so look for the lessons in each encounter, whether they lead to a “yes” or a “no,” and enjoy the connections that do happen, even when they aren’t what was hoped for.