Women Get Horny Kinky, Too — They Just Like it to Make Sense

BloomStories Survey Reveals Top Five Sexual Fantasies of Female Subscribers.

Women use the Internet. Women also like sex. Sometimes, women even like kinky sex. All three of these things come as a shock to people who don’t keep up with women, the internet, or sex involving women. None of these are surprising to subscribers of BloomStories, especially not to the 300 women who took time to respond to the erotic audio platform’s recent survey about fantasies they’d like to see more often in porn and erotica.

Top Five Women’s Fantasies

1. Threesomes (77 percent)
2. Cunnilingus (54 percent)
3. Romantic Sex (52 percent)
4. Rough Sex (52 percent)
5. Domination (50 percent)

THREESOMES

Although Kelsey Borresen of HuffPost, who wrote on the subject, was surprised by the results, especially the popularity of Threesomes, those who work closely with women in adult and their female fans should not be. As sex researcher Justin Lehmiller observed in his 2018 book, Tell Me What You Want, more than 4000 people responded to his survey about fantasies and Threesomes was the first-place winner.

There’s a wide range between fantasy and fantasy brought to life by indulging in the erotic taboo in the “real world.” That’s where porn and erotica can save the day. According to Borresen’s take on the survey data, straight women have a way to go before they are comfortable admitting they get turned one by group sex. They are less likely to try it, and those who do, are less likely to enjoy it. This is not a problem for women who are attracted to other women, be they queer, bi, lesbian, or pansexual. Once you’ve emerged from one closet it’s easier to emerge from others. Not only is the queer population surveyed more comfortable talking about what turns it on and gets it off, it’s more likely to try it and like it.

Although it’s tempting to think that Threesomes are all about the sex, Los Angeles clinical psychologist Nazanin Moali proposes that fantasizing about them allows the person to envision themselves as more desirable and sexually skilled than they usually think they are. The host of the Sexology podcast further opines that sexual fantasies “serve a crucial function, especially for women who may have been conditioned to feel shame around their sexuality.”

CUNNILINGUS

While not every woman enjoys receiving oral sex, plenty of women do. Sadly, not all of them get to experience it and, if they do, it can be disappointing. In fantasy, porn, and erotica, Cunnilingus can be anything a woman wants it to be for as long as she wants it to last and from whomever – and however many – she wants. In addition to feeling amazing, receiving Cunnilingus can make a woman feel “valued and cherished,” as Moali explains.

ROMANTIC SEX

Part of the appeal of getting your pussy eaten is, as Moali sees it, the “intriguing connection” between female love of Romance, sex, and appreciation of a good ole genital tongue bath. With popular, highly romantic television programs such as Bridgerton depicting women on the receiving end of Romantic Cunnilingus, the connection is further reinforced.

ROUGH SEX & DOMINATION

Ah, the mystery that is women. On the one hand, they want their men to make love, sweet love to them. On the other hand, they want to be tossed onto the bed or a less traditional surface and fucked until their brains fall out. It’s a dichotomy that has puzzled the sexes for as long as they have been capable of feeling unnecessary guilt and shame about their sexual desires.

Nicoletta Heidegger is a therapist, sexologist, and host of the Sluts & Scholars podcast. She explained to HuffPo that the desire of modern women for Rough Sex, like the desire to be Dominated, may result from a need to effectively take a micro-vacation from their many home and work responsibilities. Not everyone who wants it rough is stressed out. Others take this opportunity to feel strong by resisting or not resisting, depending on the storyline they and their partner(s) have agreed to follow.

Most women report having been the object of some kind of unwanted or traumatic sexual advances at some point in their lives. Watching, listening to, reading, or enacting a Rough Sex or Domination scenario tend to be more erotic to most women when there is what Moali refers to as “a relational context.” Once established, therapist Heidegger proposes that “Fantasy is a place for us to re-narrate and take ownership of our desires and stories again. To create a new narrative and a corrective experience in our mind for past painful experiences.”

GENDER DIFFERENCES

Contrary to what the book title claims, men are not from Mars and women are not from Venus. They’re all from Earth. They all like what they like. Often, they like the same or similar things. What they don’t always do is fantasize or indulge in them in the same way. Men, historically, have relied on and shown a preference for visual stimulation. Drawings, photos, moving pictures, films, videos. Long the primary consumers of erotic and pornographic materials, most of them are directed toward what some call “the male gaze.” It tends to be more graphic, more focused on the act of sex and less about emotional development between performers.

Women possess what Heidegger calls “responsive desire” as compared to “spontaneous desire.” Because of this and the fact that they can become unintentionally pregnant and have reality-based safety concerns associated with sex, women are more likely to seek a narrative that makes the sex make sense. Why are these naked people doing what they are doing? Why are they doing it in that place? Who are they and what are their stories?

An increasing number of porn videos can provide satisfaction to female consumers but written and spoken erotica has a strong appeal to women, as well, especially when created by fellow women.

As with so many things, porn, erotica, and sex preferences are the result of a combination of nature and nurture. Women increasingly want to explore the world of sexuality beyond what they have been encouraged to do by a disapproving social message. The internet provides them with a powerful tool to hear, see, read, and create increasingly meaningful physically and emotionally arousing content. Is the market ready to respond?