Explore Sensual Massage and Unlock New Levels Of Intimacy

Sensual massage bridges the gap between therapeutic and sexual

What is sensual massage? We all know the jokes about “happy endings” and may know of the local “rub and tug” spot down the street with the neon lights. But, what about true sensual massage? A sensual massage integrates the power of touch with the primal urges of sexuality. The result is a deeply intimate experience that merges relaxation with excitement. Many people are touch-deprived, even within families or marriages because life and stressors put affection on the backburner. Touch is important and touch is necessary. Touch has documented effects on our blood pressure, immune system, and stress regulation. The hormone oxytocin is important and has a marked effect on affection and bonding. Being touched can release it, lowering cortisol and increasing well-being. Utilizing touch to show care or affection can be as simple as a hug or pat on the shoulder, and even something so simple can make someone in need of it feel good. A massage is a more thorough and detailed expression of touch and is often something that is left to the professionals or given or received as only a transactional arrangement whether for therapeutic or sexual benefit. Different forms of massage have been around for well over 2000 years. In the Western world, it is used mostly as part of healthcare and body maintenance but the lines are blurred more easily elsewhere. When something feels good, your entire nervous system may be activated and while the neurons are triggered to increase that serotonin or oxytocin, it may also trigger some sexual arousal making sensual massage a perfect activity to explore with someone you want to bond with.

Sensual massage falls into a grey area sometimes between clinical therapeutic massage and sex work and some practitioners may have found a way to legally offer it as a service. However, depending on your jurisdiction, soliciting any type of sensual massage or exchanging money for it may still be illegal. Professional massage therapists are bound by strict ethics and laws governing everything from draping to bodily boundaries. Most will not take it kindly if asked for something extra as their reputation and career would be at stake. You could find the place with the neon lights that someone mentioned on Rub Maps, and you may get a massage and an orgasm, but will you have a fully intimate and erotic experience? I do not believe you will. Sensual massage is best done between consenting adults as a way to increase intimacy and wellness and to learn to explore sensations that heighten arousal. While a professional massage may be focused on pain relief and releasing muscle tension, and a happy-ending massage may give you an orgasm, a sensual massage is focused on stimulating and teasing the senses to reach new levels of arousal and intimacy.

So, where to begin? Find a quiet time free from outside distractions to set the scene for a tactile experience focused on pleasure. Find a space to work. If you do not have a massage table, a bed or a mat on the floor will do. Set it up with linens that won’t stain with oil, pillows, and anything else to make it look romantic and cozy. Your partner may feel more comfortable and relaxed after a nice shower or hot bath. Once you are both ready, have them lie face down naked and you can wear whatever makes you comfortable. The most important thing to have is a proper lubricant. Body lotion is meant to absorb and will not glide well; it will dry up or pill up. You can purchase an oil or cream specifically made for massage, or use almond, jojoba, or coconut oil. Keep it close and keep it warm until you are ready to get into it.

Where to start?

Since most people hold a lot of tension in their upper body, starting from the head is a nice beginning with a luxurious scalp massage; play with their hair and then press your fingertips into the scalp and rotate your wrists in short, circular motions.

Imagine you are your favorite hairstylist washing your hair and how good it feels as you emulate the motions. Take your time and when you hear their breath slowing, ask if they are ready to move on. Effleurage is the main stroke in Swedish massage and is the one you will utilize the most. Put some lubricant in one hand and rub them together. With flat palms, lean in and glide with long strokes from shoulder to hips. The important thing as a person not trained in massage is to watch your body mechanics. You do not just want to bend and hunch over. If you are using a bed, have their head close to the edge on the side, going across the width of the bed. You may need to sit or kneel to be the right height.

Propel yourself with your whole body using your palms or heels of the hand to sink in along both sides of the spine. Do it down the length of their back multiple times and then vary with some swirls or kneading. When you get to the center lines of the body, it may be more comfortable for you to put your knee down and lunge with the other leg if you are on a mat or straddle your partner if you are on a bed.

Explore their shape and their waist, grazing the sides of their breasts when you come back up. The most important thing is to avoid the bony landmarks and focus on the meatier parts of the flesh. If you want to vary the experience, you can alternate between long strokes and light fingertip grazing. Glide down with your palms and rake up with your tips or gently with your nails until you are gently pulling at the base of the skull. If you have other things to add stimulation and texture, bring them out. Incorporate the silky belt of a robe or a nice feather tickler like this. Once the back, and back of the arms have had sufficient time, move to the other end of the bed or mat so that you are by their feet. Glide up from ankle to thigh moving towards the heart to increase circulation. If you can’t reach without compromising your posture, climb up and hover in a straddle over their legs. This is where you can start with some erotic teasing as you work the butt and thighs. Let the ulnar side of your hand graze the vulva or testicles with the inside hand as you push along each side of the thigh, but don’t linger, and don’t poke. The goal is not to hurry to the finish line and try to provoke orgasms. Focus on the exploration of your partner’s body with only gentle grazes on the erogenous zones when you get close to them.

Your partner may be aching for more, but you don’t want to indulge just yet. They should flip, and then you can sit for a nice foot massage before gliding up the legs once more with increasing closeness to the vulva or testicles. Don’t forget to massage the breasts/pecs, and finally graze down their tummy to focus on the genitals. You can just edge them, you can bring them to orgasm manually with your hands, or you can move on to oral foreplay or intercourse.

Watching videos like the one below can help with your hand placement and technique to make you feel more confident.

Sensual massage can be a beautiful experience to focus purely on giving, or purely on receiving. Some people can never get out of their heads to focus on sensations, or they feel selfish about letting someone just pamper them. This can hinder sexual experiences. The pressure to perform or orgasm can actually put a block on the experience and prevent it from happening altogether. Avoid treating this experience as transactional, it doesn’t have to lead to sex and there should be no expectation of immediate reciprocation. If you are both aroused and receptive, feel free to indulge further however the communication and intimacy gained by this experience will be worth it even if it doesn’t end in orgasm.

Everyone deserves access to touch if they want it. Sometimes just a hug or a cuddle is enough to make you feel calm or cared for. For those lacking an intimate partner, look for events or meetups in your area. I have seen in my area that there is a group that holds events teaching and practicing Tantric sensual massage for people who are open to experiencing it. The great thing is that you do not need to bring a partner!

If you are interested in learning purely penis massage, aka lingam massage, you can find a video here.

For yoni or vulva massage, click here.

There is a joke with women that every time their man offers a back rub, they get pregnant. That may or may not be the goal, but making time to make each other feel good is definitely important if you want to increase intimacy in all forms. Embrace the journey, don’t go straight for the happy ending or PIV. Learning sensual massage may just be the key that unlocks a whole new dimension to your intimate life.