Men Deserve Sex Toys, too. Here’s How to Pick the Right One(s)

Men Can Enjoy the Shared or Solo Pleasure of Sex Toys.

Being a man in the 20^th and 21^st centuries hasn’t been as easy as many think. Yes, there’s an enormous privilege that comes along with the broken chromosome, but there are also a lot of oppressive societal messages that keep them tight in their bud. There’s been precious little time and attention paid to men’s sexual pleasure, especially by their own hands. Instead, it’s been assumed that masturbation and the use of sex toys are admissions of desperation, being undesirable, a pervert, or a homosexual. The truth, of course, is far different.

Men, even cis heterosexual men, have their legitimate sexual needs and desires. You know, like every human being. But religion and false societal concepts about what masculinity is have kept men in a state of denial about their own bodies and what they crave. Fortunately, as women have forged relentlessly forward in learning about their erotic responses and what triggers them men have been able to reap the benefits, as well. What’s sauce for the goose is, indeed, sauce for the gander. Sauce for everyone!

Sadly, discouraging men from exploring the joys of cock rings, dildos, vibrators, masturbators, butt plugs, P-spotters, and other implements of sensual delight has been justified largely with homophobic misrepresentations of male pleasure and what expressions are “manly” and suitably heterosexual. As is so often the case, the mythology has little to do with the reality, which has left many a man unsatisfied, frustrated, out of touch with his body and feelings, riddled with guilt and shame, and hostile toward women for not being available upon demand.

While we still have a long way to go, the stigma against men enjoying sex toys by themselves or with a partner is beginning to decrease. As sex toys for women have become increasingly popular and accepted by society at large, men have slowly been able to share in the joy. Masturbation is healthy, the population is getting older, and dating sucks. There are many reasons for men to explore and discover their self-administered erotic pleasures, and none of them mean that the men in question are desperate losers. Toys can lead to stronger and more intense orgasms, though, as well as help avoid erectile dysfunction.

Now that men finally have permission to get wild with their own bodies, how do they select the right toy? The first thing to do is determine what kind of sensation is desired and what part of the body will receive it. Is the goal to stimulate the prostate? To replicate intercourse or fellatio? Once that is figured out, there are hands-free and hand-held options to choose from. Would vibrations enhance the fun, or would they distract from it? What are the materials you want touching your body? Silicone, glass, and stainless steel are common, and each has its own charm.

No matter what kind of toy is selected, it can be used alone or with a close personal friend. When shopping, some online and brick-and-mortar shops have educated employees or helpful descriptions of the items in question that can make the process more efficient and effective. If you are new to male sex toys, you may want to start with a less expensive model so you can sample an assortment of sensations and styles of play before making a major investment. Make sure you know whether the item you buy is a single-use or multi-use toy. Don’t skimp on the lube, either. But don’t use silicone-based lubes with silicone toys because they’ll rapidly become former sex toys.

When it comes time to get to know your new toy on an up-close and personal level, do it when you’re actively aroused, not as a way to become aroused. The increased sensitivity and resulting willingness to try new things will up your odds of feeling comfortable enough to explore with confidence. But where to start?

First, let’s list the major kinds of erotic stimulators available. We’re all familiar with the idea of the “pocket pussy,” although it’s often talked about as a joke. This is unfortunate because strokers have advanced a long way since the inflatable sheep novelty doll. These masturbators or sleeves are generally tube-shaped to accommodate a penis slipped inside of them. Some warm, some vibrate, and some have rotating beads. Some, like the Fleshlight, replicate the genitals or mouths of famous porn stars, others, like the Tenga Geo, get creative with textures, and some are as basic as a flexible cylinder to be lubed and manually slid back and forth on the shaft of the penis.

While vibrators are generally associated with the pleasures of the clitoris and vagina, they can do wonderful things to a penis, its balls, or even the perineum. Some penis vibrators wrap around the entire shaft. Others focus on a specific spot, like the frenulum. Wand-style vibrators are technically for general muscle relaxation or seen as genital stimulators for women. They are these things and more! Most of them aren’t contoured for a man’s unique physique but can easily be adapted. The Lelo Loki Wave, however, was designed for precisely that purpose.

Now we come to the famous, or infamous, cock ring. Always popular with those who want to coax some extra life out of their erections, a cock ring constricts the cock and sometimes also the balls so that blood rushes into them but has a difficult time escaping. Rings can be metal, leather, or stretchy silicone. Those who fancy vibration will be glad to know it’s available in cock ring form, too! A good beginner’s vibrating ring is the Tantus Super Soft C-Ring. Those who just want to wrap up the family jewels can do so easily and inexpensively with a Doc Johnson Adjustable Cock Ring Set.

Those who want to move deeper into pleasure, and their assholes, will want to check out the ever-growing selection of butt plugs and prostate massagers. If you’ve never found your prostate before, it’s generally located about two inches inside of the anal canal on the rectal wall closest to the front of the body. Also known as the “P-spot,” it’s the twin of a woman’s “G-spot.” Stroking it can be exceptionally pleasurable and even inspire its own orgasms.

Men comfortable with happy-making things in their asses know whether they prefer a slimmer or more filling plug. The B-Vibe Snug Plug provides a heavier and more intense sensation and is safe to use because it’s made of silicone and has a flange to ensure it doesn’t get lost in the rectum and require a trip to the ER for removal. Other vibrating P-spotters are produced by Lelo, Aneros, Fun Factory, We-Vibe, and Lovense. Men who don’t want to deal with the noise or need to recharge their vibrator’s battery can depend upon the sturdy and aesthetic Njoy line of butt-invading stainless steel insertables.

Masturbators with sexual collaborators may want to take advantage of the power and shared intimacy that is possible with remote-controlled toys. For those who travel, live alone, or like to perv with friendly strangers, some remote-controlled adult boy toys can stimulate both partners, while others remain faithful to whoever is using them. There are also dildos with or without a strap-on harness, anal beads, rimming plugs, and so much more to experiment with. Whichever you choose, remember to use the right kind of lube and clean up yourself and your toys as soon as practical. Most of all, of course, have fun and get off!