I Like Girls That Look Like Boys

I like girls that look like boys.

...Wait. Does that mean I'm straight? After over 10 years of fucking both boys and girls, im still confused!! i despise when i'm made to answer: "Straight, bi, or gay?" 

My secret answer: I dont know.

I know i love to have sex with men. I know love to have sex with women. I know i love to have sex with both, at the same time! But everytime i refer to myself as "bisexual,"  my heart cringes inside. It feels like... the wrong fit. 

Emotionally, i gravitate towards men. Ive only had boyfriends. The females who annoy me, to males who annoy me ratio is... overbearing. And i guess, even sexually speaking, its males that come to mind first. When i just need the shit fucked out of me, its a man i crave. And when i masturbate.. its a man (ok fine- men,) that i think of.

But before u declare i'm straight- i like pussy, too! There are things i feel during sex with a woman that would never come up while fucking a man. When i eat a girls pussy, its like i just want to take care of this woman forever. i want to make her feel so special and beautiful, and take my time to make her cum over and over. While rubbing her clit, i want to hold her close to my body and see her face right up in front of mine, so i can look into her eyes and command her to cum without saying a word. And the craziest part about it, is that the orgasm isnt even the main part! For me, its more about making her feel like nothing else in the world matters at this moment but her pleasure.

But... when i think of myself walking down the street holding hands with a woman, its... so ridiculously unnatural, and not me. It almost makes me giggle, like in a way you would if you pictured George W Bush with boobs and a vagina.

And then theres the whole strap-on issue. When i put that strap-on on, wow... words cant even describe the rush i feel. Its actually pretty embarassing, the power-trip i go on. Whether im fucking a man or a woman, im definitely tapping into the masculine side of my sexual self. Usually i am very submissive, but once that cock is on me- i am definitely the boss.

So what is that??? Thats not even gay or straight or whatever, that just sounds... sexually confused.

Hmm. When i started writing this, i had this secret hope, that by the end, i would have magically answered my own initial question. Like one of those "It was right in front of my face all this time" type of moments. The only conclusion ive come to is that my sexual orientation is "indefinable," which sounds totally pretentious and gross if i use it as my answer in everyday life.

Well... at least ive written my thoughts on the matter down, and i have something to refer people to when they ask me "straight, bi, or gay?"

I'll be sure to let you know if i ever figure it out.

Thanks for joining me on this particular (unsuccessful) journey to finding myself.

Asa