The Night The Ninja Fish Monger Showed Big Mike How Math Is Done

(West Hills, CA)- We have received a gaggle of calls about Big Mike the photographer and the question on his health is if he is alright, how is he feeling? Will he be OK?.

The only answer we can give to the callers and questioners is "Yes Physically he will make a full recovery, he will even have two bad ass battle scars on the side of his face to show the history of his battles with these Ninja Fish Mongers. Yes physically he will be fine, but mentally we are very concerned about his recovery.

Being attacked by Ninja Fish Mongers in the middle of the night can not just be forgotten, you can't just forget that day or black it out as the ninjas do before they attack. I am not sure how many of you reading this have been attacked in the same way by these Ninja Fish Mongers, I hear they run rabid in cities that have a huge number of sushi restaurants in the United States of America and also around the globe.

We will not name the sushi place as to protect the innocent but we can tell you that we were in West Hills California and the strike was sure and precise.

Big Mike the photographer had a slight feeling this was going to happen, he is a Pacific Islander you know and they have a keen sense when a ninja fish monger attack might take place.

I was sitting in the sushi place, an all you can eat in an hour place no less, and I was eating away. I mean I was in the dead fish eating zone, 60 minuets, 26 dollars and I was determined to make that all add up. You really have to be familiar with math if you are going to take on an all you can eat sushi restaurant. I personally hate math and will never do it, NEVER.

Big Mike said he felt something weird, an aura, a bad piece of raw salmon? We never asked, as Mike walked out the door of the place to check the outside. This is where the story actually gets strange.

Five minutes later a nice California couple runs in and says there is a big guy lying in the parking lot face down, could this be Mike I ask myself. As I use my sticks to shovel in another piece of tuna dipped in low sodium soy sauce mixed with a few pinches of wasabi? Maybe but there may be a bunch of big guys in the parking lot, what are the chances it was my photographer Big Mike?

The chances it was him got real good as our waitress, who went out to see the big guy lying in the parking lot, ran back in and up to me screaming "That's Your Friend" and he is bleeding. I threw my last piece of tuna in my mouth, they come on the plate in two or four pieces, Mike ordered a plate which had too many to count on it, Id venture a dozen if I were to guess, and I ran outside to see if it was true.

Mike was laying in a pool of blood and thought he was home in his bed sleeping, I asked him what happened and he said he had no idea, he just went "Out" and that's all he can remember. We got him to the hospital as soon as the ambulance arrived, I was left at the sushi place and began to fear that the ninja fish monger would come for me too, but it was to be my lucky night as the place closed the gripping feeling of fear eased and now I was safe to walk through the dark streets of the valley to call for a ride home.

I have had time to reflect on the night and I now see that it really all adds up, it all goes back to the math of it all. The sushi places have a huge network of workers, from the nice waitress who pretends to barely speak English, to the sushi chef who says sure as much as you want, Ill keep it coming, to the underside of the sushi business that is imperative to the operation if they are to survive, and they have survived for thousands of years.

I'm talking about the silent Ninja Fish Mongers that wait in the restrooms and parking lots of all you can eat sushi places, if you have eaten enough to make you feel you have gotten your monies worth, then the Ninja Fish Monger has not done his or her job. They must stop you at any cost to life or limb before you eat away their profit on the sushi.

Not only will they stop you from eating at any cost, see the fish hook shaped wounds in Big Mikes face, no flat parking lot did that we suspect. But that is only one phase of the network that they have in place. Remember the ambulance, only the passed out victim was allowed to ride in it. What was so secret in the back of that truck? Were the Ninja Fish Mongers, disguised as ambulance workers, profit margin going up as we speak.

When I got to the hospital, of course the most expensive one that did not accept this carrier or that insurance, I was not allowed to go to the back and see mike. What were they doing? Did they check his pockets for raw fish he may have been saving for later? When I finally was allowed in the secure area, walked in his room and it all came full circle.

The doctor attending to Big Mike the Photographers wounds was a beautiful Asian woman, I tried to look past the fact that her ass looked so nice in her tight scrubs pants, her young face smiling and distracting, but I was hooked and I fell right into the trap set by the ninja fish mongers. She obviously worked for them, I can't even remember her name, and she was too good at her job. She sewed Mike up, and smiled, glancing at me from the top of her eyes. Oh she was good at her job. Ninja fish mongers profit on doctor's bills? You better believe it.

Now that a few days have passed I have come to realize her job was to distract me as the Ninja Fish Mongers got away. Damn she was beautiful, like the doctors on TV, that not usually the truth right?

We urge you all to be careful and attentive the next time you go to all you can eat sushi; the Ninja Fish Mongers are there somewhere. Just hope you do your math right and you don't ever have to see them.

And in conclusion the moral of the story: Math is no good for you and can be harmful, just don't even start math and you may survive, it's your only option.

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