Is Using OnlyFans Cheating?

Using OnlyFans doesn’t mean you’re cheating or unhappy in your relationship.

This question would be a lot easier to answer about two decades ago. Of course, OnlyFans didn’t exist, and text messages were just starting to become a global phenomenon, so saying ‘fantasy isn’t cheating’ was more straightforward and uncomplicated.

Some people might say it’s not cheating and argue that, like watching porn online, these platforms only exist to create fantasies. But, if you’ve ever used or even seen how they work, you might understand why other people would disagree.

FACT: The dictionary (Merriam-Webster) defines cheating as ‘to violate rules dishonestly; to be sexually unfaithful.’

FACT: Urban Dictionary says cheating is ‘Being unfaithful to your spouse or significant other in any shape or form whether sexually or verbally.’ Another definition submitted to Urban Dictionary defines a cheater as ‘Someone who is in a committed relationship and breaks the trust of his or her partner by getting physically or emotionally involved with another person.’

FACT: Couple therapists prefer to break down cheating into infidelity and adultery. Adultery is most frequently used to describe a physical relationship outside of a committed relationship. And unlike adultery, infidelity doesn’t necessarily imply a physical relationship.

FACT: The criteria defining infidelity can differ for every couple because they depend on personal values, beliefs, and expectations.

In this article, I will not go into the specifics of whether it’s men or women cheating or using platforms like OnlyFans because I believe that reported cases of infidelity don’t necessarily reflect the truth of our society. Men are encouraged to explore their sexuality, while women are encouraged not to act like a slut. It is what it is, and I don’t trust the reported numbers.

Just looking at the dictionary definition, I think we could classify interacting sexually (regardless of the interaction being “fantasy”) with content creators on OnlyFans as cheating.

But if we base our opinion on these definitions, it’s only cheating if your partner doesn’t know what you’re doing.

Obviously, these definitions are NOT only applicable to monogamous relationships. Non-monogamous relationships include practices like swinging, polyamory, casual hookups, etc.; even if you are in a non-monogamous relationship, deceiving your partner is considered infidelity.

I know non-monogamy isn’t for everyone, but communication is essential in every relationship. Whether the communication agreement is ‘do what you want but don’t tell me’ or ‘let’s find a unicorn we can share,’ success will depend on active communication.

Going back to two decades ago, catching someone cheating meant finding them being intimate in a dark, sexy restaurant, in a motel, or even a movie theater. But right now, there are infinite ways of being unfaithful.

That is, if we define infidelity as deceiving your partner. ALWAYS communicate your personal values, beliefs, and expectations VERY clearly.

FACT: Having clear boundaries is necessary if you want to enjoy your sexuality without hurting your partner’s feelings.

FACT: People can subscribe to their favorite porn stars and content creators on platforms like OnlyFans if they seek more than just watching porn and not hurt, deceive or betray their partners.

Psychologists have long agreed on the most common reasons people cheat. Here are a few: falling out of love because they’re bored, feeling neglected, opportunity, low self-esteem, out of anger or revenge, not feeling committed, and because of sexual desire.

So, back to our question, is using OnlyFans cheating?

Imagine this: You are in a monogamous relationship and feel happy and satisfied with how things are going. However, you’ve always watched porn, alone and with your partner, and that’s perfectly ok with your partner. You know this because you’ve talked about it before.

But one day, you find out your ultimate fantasy person has a page where you can chat, play, and even receive custom content. You wonder, how would it feel to see the muse of my sexual fantasies moan my name and cum just for me? What if I talk to my partner about this, and he/she disagrees? This is just fantasy. I’ll never meet this person in real life; we’re just talking and sometimes flirting, but what if my partner thinks it’s cheating?

After talking to a few friends (both male and female) who have successful OnlyFans accounts and based on my knowledge as a mental health professional, I believe most people subscribe to these platforms for similar reasons. The people who feel like they’ve been cheated on feel that way for similar reasons.

My friend explained OnlyFans in a clear and honest way. She said when a fan subscribes, it’s like paying the cover to come inside the strip club. Sure, that gets you inside and lets you see options for yourself. Then you can decide how to proceed based on your budget, tip, and spend money to receive personal attention.

But it’s more than that. Yes, subscribers are paying to interact and receive personalized attention. Still, research shows that, since social isolation due to COVID-19 started, more people are looking for deeper social connections that go beyond exchanging photos and videos. There’s even something called “The Girlfriend/ Boyfriend Experience,” which is self-explanatory.

These websites are different from mainstream porn sites because they make it possible to establish a relationship between creators and subscribers that can be described as intimate. I was told creators often find themselves chatting with people who are too shy to explore a kink or fetish ‘in real life’ before testing how they feel about it and what boundaries they want to establish in a safe space online with a professional.  I believe that many people use OnlyFans because they feel bored, unable to explore a specific fantasy, feel neglected, or maybe just lonely but don’t want to “actually cheat” if they’re in a monogamous relationship.

It’s okay if you feel jealous and uncomfortable, or on the other hand, if you’re unsure whether you can handle cuckolding and want to try it out before you tell your partner, but you have to communicate that very clearly. It might be an awkward conversation, but it won’t be as devastating as finding out you’re being deceived by someone you love.

I understand why people, whether in a monogamous or non-monogamous relationship, might feel deceived or cheated on if their partner is on OnlyFans or similar sites and they didn’t know.

But should you panic if you discover that your partner is subscribed to and sexting their sexual muse? NO.

Should you be concerned if your partner is hiding that they’re paying to interact with another person and receive their photos and videos? MAYBE.

Successful romantic and sexual relationships depend on whether you’ve communicated your boundaries and expectations. Don’t assume your partner can read your mind and know what you want. Assume they can’t.