We Were Inquisitive Kids Who Turned Into Sexual Adults and We Still Wanna Bang With Those Cartoon Favorites!

May 8, 2021
HANK ORSO

Bluto entices a bound Popeye with what he needs most.

(Note, due to copy-write rules and because we here at Fleshbot are good boys and girls, I can't knowingly use images of all the gorgeous hot sexy cartoon characters mentioned in this weird little piece of writing. Go Google those names; and if you add the word "naked" behind each name when you search...ALL THE BETTER!

Admit it. You watched some cartoons or animated movies as a kid, or young adult...or full-grown person?...and you found that well-drawn character on the screen a little more exciting, a bit more titillating, than you thought you might. Maybe it was the exaggerated fullness of a mouth, a breast, a thigh, or even a high-placed ass cheek. I'm talking girls and guys! Maybe it was the way sultry red-head Jessica Rabbit's hair cascaded across her eye and over her shoulder, or raven-haired beauty Esmerelda from Hunchback of Notre Dame highlighted her dark features and bare shoulders with that drooping peasant top. Maybe you went all agog at the lesbian subtext of innocently glamorous Daphne paired alongside sexy nerd-girl Velma?

For you younger viewers, I can totally understand the vamp-chic attributes of Hex Girls. And don't get me started on the gay/straight dynamic of the sinister Skar and powerful family man Mustafa, both possessing a certain...quality. One, the bad boy we guiltily let angry fuck us, the other we dream of being held close to as his powerful torso breathes quietly against us. Before he fucks us.

Luckily for us willing to admit to our animated peccadillos, there's no shortage of Marge Simpson nudes, Popeye/Bluto fuck fantasy erotica and Mrs. Incredible in latex and fuck-me-boots just a short google search away. And guess what...IT'S COMPLETELY NORMAL!

(From a HuffPost article a few years back): “'It happens all the time. Kids have crushes on comic book characters, and why shouldn’t they?' said Amy Lang, a parenting and sexuality expert and the founder of Birds+Bees+Kids, a Seattle organization that helps parents talk to children about sex. Lang said that kids’ crushes on cartoon characters are a natural extension of imagination-based play that permeates so much of young development.'Kids’ imaginations can take them to places that adults can’t go,' Lang said. 'Maybe we [adults] feel weird about the fact that we have a crush on Spider-Man, but kids don’t have those filters.'"

That being said, I can look back and see the genesis of what became my "type," those burly bearish dudes I'd admired as a kid and grew up to love and fuck with abandon.

Popeye's Bluto in all his iterations, and Yukon Cornelius from the old Rudolph stop-motion Christmas movie definitely were early influences on what got little Hank's wee-willie a winkin'! Those full beards and barrel chests had me hooked from the get-go. And seriously, can we talk about Yukon's tool belt! He's got more dick-euphemisms hanging off him than can be found at a booth at Dore Alley Weekend!

Disney's Beauty and the Beast's Gaston is the guy you know you shouldn't mess with, but girl or guy, we all have at least one of these assholes in our past. He's our guilty pleasure fuck. Our very guilty pleasure. Now if only the movie had included a scene in which the Beast drags Gaston's ass down to his dungeon and gives him the KinkMen.com-style working over he deserves, that woulda been a hell of a movie!

I could go on and on, so I'll wrap this up with a more contemporary character, How To Train Your Dragon's Gobber the Belch. This hot lunk of beefy flesh is one of the nice guys, with his sexy wild-side derring-do that landed him missing a couple limbs. Hey, nothing a couple strap-ons can't fix! He's a big fuzzy hunk...AND HE'S GAY! Yup, go google that shit. He hints at the reason for his bachelor status with an off-handed "...and other reasons" making the adults in the audience raise a collective knowing eyebrow. Good on ya, Gobber! Speak your truth!

So enjoy your childhood fantasies, and enjoy your adulthood fantasies as well. Pull out those cosplay and furry costumes and go to town with your partner. Or yourself! Whoever you are, just keep repeating, "I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way."