Wet Spots

· Mark your calendars: Paris Hilton will not have sex with you until at least 2007. (thebosh.com)

· A man on Long Island is suing a Fire Island beach because they won't let his dog on the sand with him, despite his claim that he has a rare skin condition that requires him to sunbathe in the nude as much as possible. We've never heard of this condition, but is there a danger he might transmit it to say ... Scarlett Johansson? (thesmokinggun.com)

· Ugly divorce battles aren't really our cup of tea, unless of course a mother with 20 kids(!) shacks up with a British soldier who has a pierced "rifle" that can fire 11 times(!!) in one night. Is there some kind of exchange rate on these numbers that we should be aware of? (thesun.co.uk)

· Inmates in Indiana are suing for the right to have nudie magazines while in prison. We once went a whole week without porn, and believe us, that was cruel and unusual punishment. (indystar.com)

· Just so we're clear, Goldman Sachs investment brokers may be money-grubbing whores, but they do not literally sell their bodies for sex. Not at those prices, anyway. (Gawker)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives