Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Njoy Toys

It was with much joy (factored to the n even - get it?) that I opened a fourteen pound box from Njoy, a small upscale manufacturer of sex toys. I think I may have clapped my hands when I saw the pretty black boxes, each encasing their respective sex toys in shiny pink satin.

The thing about Njoy toys is that they are highly polished stainless steel which - you guessed it - means they are shiny. They are so shiny that when I was using the parenthesis-shaped Pure Wand for its intended purpose,* the pleasuring of the g-spot (with the bigger end, thankyouverymuch), I could see the reflection of my fuck-face in the other end. It was a very meta moment. There I was, making myself come with a shiny toy, watching myself come in the shiny toy. The mind, it boggles.
- AR

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In addition to the Pure Wand, there is the Fun Wand (which is less pure, I suppose) and three different size butt plugs. Both the Pure and Fun Wands make excellent Kegel exercisers, but they are not your mother's Kegelcisor. Njoy toys make no pretensions at being for medicinal purposes. That said, these toys will give your vulva a serious work out - my muscles were rather sore when I was done, and I think my girl parts are fitter than most (when my lovers ask "do you work out?" they don't mean my abs).

The butt plugs are all just about perfect, with a nice curve to them so they stay put, and a handy dandy finger hold that looks curiously like a beer bottle opener. Though I allowed myself to be persuaded that perhaps it was a bad idea to attempt bottle opening with the plug in place, I wonder.

Stainless steel, like glass, can be heated and cooled to your pleasure or displeasure (they're pretty much the same anyway, right?) and is able to be fully sterilized so you can share the pleasure if you are so inclined. But if you're selfish, you should probably yell "That's mine!" whenever some gets near your shiny belongings, because your so-called sharing buddy will want to take these babies home.

*The Pure Wand's unintended purpose is use as a weapon, which I may or may not have discovered when I clocked myself in the head with it. Ouch. These fuckers are heavy.

· Njoy (njoytoys.com)

- Guest editrix Audacia Ray will be stirring things up on Fleshbot while Porn Valley Correspondent and Marital Aid Test Kitchen head chef Gram Ponante is on vacation.

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Previously in the MATK: Big Blue Waterproof Vibe, Squirting Strap-On Dildo, The Monkey Rocker, Doc Johnson's Cuddles, 2 Tone Dual Delight, 5-in-1 Finger Vibes, Pleasure Pearl Masturbator, Rabbit Rider, The G-Spot Hot Handle, Heavy Love Balls, Pink Indulgence Massage Wand, Porn Valley Dispatch Archive