Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Haute Crops

You probably don't know this, but I used to be a nationally-ranked horseback rider and instructor - one time I even taught for a few weeks in Manhattan, Kansas (which the locals call "the Little Apple"). As a result of many years in the saddle of bad bad ponies, I know my riding crops. And so it was with delight that I tore open a strangely shaped package (what kind of sex toy comes in a poster tube?) to discover two lovely implements of seduction and torture - the ostrich feather riding crop and the rhinestone encrusted crop. The materials alone let you know that, honey, these items weren't made for ponies. At least - not the kind that you can keep in a stall for a long time without raising the suspicions of the neighbors ...
- AR

I found that these lovelies were best used in tandem, which requires some coordination, though I'm happy to report that I managed to not smack myself around. The ostrich feather crop can be nice, while the rhinestone crop can be naughty. In a supremely uncreative moment (but an ironic one, is it ironic if its lame?) I decided to name the crops Nice and Naughty, respectively. Nice is very rigid except for the feather part, which means you can be very very accurate with wherever you plan to stick it. The crop has the added bonus of being just rigid enough that if you were so inclined, you could use it to hint at a bit of a caning. Naughty is of a lovely and swishy composition, so it swings around with a good and satisfying swish and can deliver a nice loud beating, or a good loud crack if you're wearing boots.

My favorite thing about the two crops is that they are of a perfect length. One could, for example, comfortably use Nice to tickle the soles of one's partner's feet while one is wearing 5 inch stilettos and he is bowed down and licking one's toes. One could also use Naughty to slap one's partner's hands when he is reaching for his cock instead of paying thorough attention to one's toes. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

· Rhinestone Encrusted Crop and Decadent Ostrich Feather Crop (erosboutique.org)