Al Goldstein For President!

As of this afternoon, we've finally figured out how we'll be able to avoid having to decide whether to support Barrack Obama, Hillary Clinton, John McCain, or Shari Lewis And Lamb Chop when primary season rolls around next year: we'll be voting for Screw magazine founder and eminent Dirty Old Man Al Goldstein for President. It makes sense when you think about it: as a former porn publisher you can be sure he'll only appoint smut-postive attorneys to our nation's legal system (thus avoiding a repeat of certain embarassing situations for the administration), and his own personal struggles over the last few years will make him more sensitive to things like the plight of the homeless and income tax reform. And in addition to his antiwar position and enlightened stance on issues like gay marriage ("If a gay person wants to marry, let him suffer too"), his platform also includes daily government subsidized cunnilingus for all women and a promise to "continue to hate George and love bush". For us, the choice is clear. (Especially since Shari Lewis is out of the running anyway. Bless her heart.)

· Al Goldtsein For President 2008 (goldstein08.com)
· Al Goldstein (Wikipedia)
· Al Goldstein's Blog (booble.com)