Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Creams Rising to the Top

You live life to the fullest, Fleshbot Readers. You fuck anything that moves until it doesn't move. You're lusty and vulnerable (sometimes you cry). Why, then, would you want your cock to be desensitized?

When I deal with Ladies, I consider it a tribute to my working class roots (I am now deliriously wealthy) to delay ejaculation without the aid of unguents, jellies, scented oils, fripperies, dwarves, novenas, or the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers. Naturally I was skeptical, then, upon receiving two desensitizing gels, one from Colt and one from Kama Sutra.

Both work the same way (and both, believe me, work): one applies liberal dollops to one's junk when the latter has that Westward Ho look about it (i.e. when erect). As both creams contain benzocaine, a local anaesthetic that is often used as a topical pain reliever, the sensation on that sensitive area is one of vague otherworldliness.

The idea is that the friction keeps one hard while delaying the turbine response of ejaculation. In many ways, using a desensitizing cream is like your foot fell asleep but became your erect penis.

Q. But Grams, you know me: I want to feel. Why does everyone try to keep me from feeling?
A. I understand your point, Senator, but this isn't about you; this is about pleasing a partner who might have grown used to your 45-second strivings and subsequent collapses.

Where the Colt differs from the Kama Sutra product is that the first is a cream and the second is a gel. Colt's "Sta-Hard" Cream seems more like a tool for one's tool: a no-nonsense and odorless cream for the serious raver for whom fucking is a way of life.

The Kama Sutra gel seems more like a couples' product and actually tingles when it is applied (bring a friend) and tastes (I'm told) like "you're getting face-fucked by a dental hygienist." It is minty, and I felt like I was attached to the lamb we ate at Fleshbot's Easter dinner.

It's interesting how both of these products do the same thing but one is advertised as adding something (stay hard!) while the other touts the fact that it takes something away (sensation).

Anyway, since it is not about you, remember that your partner gets the business end of these products, which both contain alcohol. The manufacturers suggest that partners wash out the product after intercourse.

Those concerns aside, if your partner is willing, each of these treatments work as advertised and can be invaluable aids to stalling while you wait for the check to clear.

· Colt Sta-Hard Cream (erosboutique.com)
· Kama Sutra Desensitizing Gel (erosboutique.com)