“This Ain’t Cheaters XXX”: The Sexy Side Of Infidelity

Is your loved one cheating on you? Our highly-trained team will catch the cheater in the act of cheating, record every dirty second of sex on camera, and then show you the footage. You're into that kind of stuff, right?

This Ain't Cheaters XXX

Studio: Hustler Video
Director: Slain Wayne
Cast: Amy Brooke, Bridgette B, Madison Ivy, Natasha Nice, Rachel Roxxx, Alec Knight, Bill Bailey, Dane Cross, Dirty Harry, Otto Bauer, Ralph Long, Tee Reel

The late night grime-fest known as "Cheaters" is a bit like "Cops" for the adulterous. It should be easy to translate "Cheaters" into porn since every show features a censored look through the hidden cameras around the cheater's house; all you have to do is unblur the sex, maybe add in a few erotic confrontations between cheater and cheated, and you've got yourself a good parody porn. Slain Wayne sort of did that.

"This Ain't Cheaters XXX" is sloppy, in good ways and in bad.

Good ways: Slain Wayne is aware of the gritty, live "Cheaters" aesthetic, and the tendency for things to go wrong. For example, the first vignette has the host, Greco (ably played by Otto Bauer), assist Dirty Harry in spying on his fiancée, Rachel Roxxx. The team snags footage of Bill Bailey chewing Roxx's nipple rings, jackhammering her ass, and busting all over her face; she's definitely cheating. However, when the team confronts Roxxx, we learn that Dirty Harry is just a peeping tom who wanted a hidden camera in Roxxx's room. Funny mishap, Dirty Harry is a lecherous old man, everyone runs.

More sloppiness: every girl plays with cum to an almost sickening degree. Each facial is followed by at least three minutes of drooling, dribbling, bubble blowing, gagging, spit churning (I'm growing nauseated as I type), and more. If you're into watching girls try to snowball jizz by themselves, this is your movie.

Bad ways: the camera's focus is inconsistent, the volume jumps around, and you can clearly hear Slain Wayne mumbling directions to actors in a bunch of scenes. Isn't that what editing is for? All of these problems are evident in what should've been the finest scene in the film. Amy Brooke wants to get revenge on her cheating boyfriend by taking Greco, his camera crew (Dane Cross and Ralph Long), and Dirty Harry (who happened to be there) in her ass. Amy Brooke is the only thing that saves the scene from a total nosedive; one anal creampie and five facials later (Dirty Harry gets to go twice), she still has energy to spare.

While Brooke tries to configure two cocks in her ass, one in her pussy, and one in her mouth (brava, Amy Brooke), Wayne gives instructions. The actors stop their fucking, look behind the camera, carry on a conversation, and then abruptly go back to business. Best case scenario: I'm nitpicking, and this is Wayne's way of capturing the on-the-fly "Cheaters" essence of unedited calamity. Even then, this means "This Ain't Cheaters" sacrifices the sustained illusion of a good fuck just to stay true to the show, and that is never acceptable.

Other couplings in the film are definitely worth a glance. Natasha Nice breaks her lesbian relationship with Madison Ivy (a pairing we would've liked to see) by cheating with Tee Reel. She sucks his balls with such joy in her eyes that it drives Madison Ivy to get even by fucking Otto Bauer. As you can see in the gallery, she does an amazing backbend into a facefuck that is as arousing as it is acrobatically impressive. Bridgette B's scene is nothing special, save for some 69ing that only contains rimming and titty fucking.

It seems like Slain Wayne's scenes can only be porn or parody, not both. Furthermore, his parody prowess is weak; everyone knows that the best part of "Cheaters" is the confrontation between cheater and cheated, and "This Ain't Cheaters" only has one, small, disrupted confrontation. Really, Wayne, just because the show is about cheating doesn't mean you can cheat us out of decent porn.

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· Buy "This Ain't Cheaters XXX" (gamelink.com)
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