We All Float Down Here: “Busty Lifeguards”

I stick my oversized thumbs, one above the other, against your twitching Xiphoid Process. I administer three quick presses. You vomit, the obstruction removed. Another life saved, but you would have gladly died had I only been Charley Chase's boobs.

What is appreciated and utterly unnecessary about this five-scene tribute to flotation devices on legs is that director Sam No (we once knew her as Mason) takes the time to give us little snippets of plot that even fans of "Baywatch" never got used to.

Not only that, but none of us is subjected to the vicarious pain of watching the likes of Chase, Phoenix Marie, and the ever-buoyant Sophie Dee fuck on the beach. We know they're professionals, but we don't like the thought of all that Vaseline-y cushioniness marred by sand.

· Elegant Angel (elegantangel.com)
· Buy "Busty Lifeguards" (gamelink.com)