Lust Is My Co-Pilot: “Seven Deadly Sins”

If one must go to Hell, the road there should be paved with as much sex and related tawdriness as to make at least the first few licks of flame worthwhile. That said, I'd rename this movie "Seven Fun Misdemeanors."

Paul Chaplin's Seven Deadly Sins

Studio: Bluebird Films
Director: Paul Chaplin
Starring: Paul Chaplin, Trina Michaels, Lexi Belle, Rita Faltoyano, Carly Parker

Review by: Gram Ponante

Writer/director/performer/Bluebird owner Paul Chaplin, who cast himself in several of the vignettes dedicated to the Christian no-nos (and porn staples) of Sloth, Avarice, Gluttony, Envy, Anger, and Pride, was unable to resist re-pornifying the David Fincher film "Se7en," despite several other adult adaptations that stalled after Lust.

Because really, if there's a cumshot in the scene, it's Lust.

What's disappointing about this movie is that its ready-made (by God) plot is so high-concept, but the sins depicted are almost indistinguishable from each other, as well as poorly executed.

The movie begins with promise, and Anger.

"You're supposed to get angry," says Chaplin as an uppity dungeon slave to dominatrix Carmella Bing. In BDSM circles this is known as "topping from the bottom" and is a major crime that is punished by kicking the guy out and finding a real submissive. But after Chaplin shorts Bing her fee, she really beats him up.

The next scene examines Lust, with a lustful bar patron having a heart attack after jerking off on Rita Faltoyano, as anyone would.

So it's set up that the owners of these sins suffer consequences, but after awhile, the movie gives up on that idea, proving Sloth in practice even if it can't quite get the sin right in a scene devoted to it. Pride is similarly weak.

It is Parker's fun and sloppy Gluttony gangbang that makes the movie worth watching, and the fact that she winds up in Hell monitoring three baby carriages (why should her children go to Hell, too?) that was ridiculously over the top. I would have liked to have seen hijinx like that throughout the movie.

· Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)