Porn For Straight Girls: Well, That’s One Way To Sell Your Art

Okay, it's confession time again: I had an exploratory period in art school where I liked girls. I'm sort of an 80:20 Straight Girl (70:30 for certain women.) But my experience was way tamer than "Art School Dykes."

In case there are protests, I am straight. That discovery was kind of the point of the exploratory period. But we all know gender is just a construct (hello, art school) and so is sexual identity, and so while I'm qualified to write this column (at least more than any of our other writers) I still drool like a teenage boy at girls with amazing tits, and I still watch lesbian porn.

I like "Art School Dykes" because it's got some of the funniest things about straight porn, including bad dialogue, overblown acting and manicured pubic hair, while being full of awesome tattooed girl-on-pierced-girl action and genuinely enthusiastic orgasmic shrieking. Directed by and featuring Lily Cade, this movie is presented by Lee Roy Myers, Fleshbot Hero, so I was already convinced it had to be pretty good for him to put his name on it. Plus, we've already positively reviewed some of Nightingale Films' other work, lavishing praise on this studio for its unabashed sensuality and sexual intensity. These films are in the vein of Nica Noelle's Sweetheart Video and really, I don't need to talk again about how much I love her.

Anyway, back to this particular movie. So, Cadence St. John, Katie Summers, and Lily Cade are a sculptor, photographer, and painter respectively. Cadence and Lily are kind of asshole artists, strutting around and spouting phrases like "My art is challenging," and "Don't you fuck your models?" Katie Summers does, in fact, fuck her model, but she's a lot nicer about it. They're setting up for their senior art show, in a gallery that Cadence secured by fucking the owner. The first scene is that flashback, where India Summers basically splays Cadence out on her desk and makes her come over and over again.

I know some of you are totally not into lesbian sex, and some of you are really into it. For those of you who love it, the terrible set-up for each scene is worth suffering through to get to the sex. It's energetic and shrieky and fun, and I actually really loved the camera work, which gave us plenty of close-up pussy shots and interesting POV angles. (That's the one thing I miss with Nica's work, actually, which doesn't showcase genitalia as frequently.) Even though these women aren't the best actors, they are amazing performers when it comes to the important parts. Plus, they're all hot.

So Cadence fucks India, and as she's lost in that daydream Lily gets a call from some model she's dating-not-dating, and blows her off. When Katie gently reprimands her, Lily asks if she fucks her models, at which point Katie gets lost in a daydream of her own. See, Katie was photographing Ruby Violence, and Ruby totally seduced her, as models are wont to do since artists have insane sexual charisma, obviously. Again, the sex is awesome. It's a little less charged than Cadence and India, but equally fun. Finally, the show opens, and some blonde lady on her Blackberry is all, "Can I buy this painting?" And Cadence and Katie glance around for Lily, before informing the potential buyer that she's in the bathroom and "She'll be a while." Why a while? Well, she's busy fucking a girl she just met who has hopes of modeling for her. They're banging around and going down on each other and let's just say it's lucky there isn't a line for the toilets.

With all this sexual energy swirling around them, there's really only one way for the movie to end. I love ridiculous porn reasoning. The artists are sitting around, chatting about how awesome the show was and Cadence is all, "I'm moving to Portland!" Of course she is. And then they have a threesome. Because if this movie has taught me anything, it's that my art school experience was far more lacking in public sex than it should have been.

Also, everyone had super sick jewelry. Which they occasionally use to get one another off. Seriously, I would like to know where they got it.

· Buy Art School Dykes (store.fleshbot.com)

Previously: Porn For Straight Girls Archive