“TSA: Your Ass Is In Our Hands” Takes Away Our Liberties And Leaves Us With Porn

With Osama bin Laden shot and buried at sea, it's only a matter of time until world peace is achieved and America is able to dismantle the trappings of its security state; making things like the TSA an artifact of a more complicated, painful time—and movies like "TSA: Your Ass Is In Our Hands" but a nostalgic tribute to infringed liberties of days gone by.

TSA: Your Ass Is In Our Hands

Studio: Hustler
Director: Evan Stone
Cast: Samantha Saint, Diamond Kitty, Briana Banks, Loni Evans, Tegan Summers, Amia Miley, Evan Stone, Randy Spears, Bill Bailey, Jack Lawrence

The cover of "TSA: Your Ass Is In Our Hands" advertises that it is directed by AVN Award winner Evan Stone—which, in porn terms, is a bit like when a mainstream movie advertises that it stars Academy Award winner Ben Affleck. Which is not to say that Evan's directing abilities are as one dimensional as Affleck's acting, but one should not approach "TSA" expecting an award worthy masterpiece. Or, honestly, anything more than a decently funny, rather serviceable porn.

There are some really great moments in "TSA" (most of which were revealed in the trailer), and there's a lot that's, well, sometimes confusing and usually less than great. In a strange editing choice, Evan's delightful speech about the role of the TSA in airport security (and in infringing on your civil liberties) plays twice during the film—once, during the opening, and a second, more confusing time, halfway through the action; only slightly more odd is the concluding scene, which features a barely dressed TSA Agent "Jon" Jeremy playing a harmonica (seriously, I don't understand it).

And though the concept of a TSA porn is rife with possible story lines (a passenger whose vibrator is mistaken for a weapon, perhaps?), the relatively conservative plot rarely strays from the storyline of "hot passenger gets pulled aside for a strip search, fucking ensues." In fact, with the exception of Evan Stone's opening scene with a flight attendant, the only time the movie attempts to offer up a unique sex scene is in its final foray, when Amia "Officer Hot Stuff" Miley, fed up with the way her coworkers have been objectifying the female passengers, accosts Jack Lawrence on his way to a flight and forces him to fuck her in front of the security cameras. (Yay feminism?)

It's a shame really: Evan Stone is a witty and talented performer, and we'd have thought that his years of experience in front of the camera might give him some idea of how to create better scenes when stepping behind the camera—or at least an idea of how to cast performers with a little more chemistry than most of this movie's pairings demonstrate. But then again, we really liked "Good Will Hunting"...and yet, we still can't bring ourselves to go see a movie just because it's starring Ben Affleck.

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