“U.S. Sluts” Want To Bail Your Package Out

Jules Jordan presents a hot handful of homegrown honeys almost too damn early just in time for Independence Day. It's the corn-fed porn you want at a price you'd expect from outsourced orgasms!

We're not trying to talk smack about foreign pornstars and other babes who have emigrated to Porn Valley. All we're saying is that if political scandals have taught us anything, it's that the country is best left in the hands of outspoken perverts.

Phoenix Marie is an excellent example of the kind of leader this country needs. Look at her! She is dressed in a way that we can only describe as "tarted up," with neon pink fishnets, matching fingerless gloves, a barely-functional jean skirt, and a bra that has absolutely failed her breasts. And yet when Erik Everhard and Steve Holmes go to stretch out her ass and spit roast her, Phoenix takes command, gets them in the positions she wants, and no, she never takes her fishnets off her calves. Why? Because she's a demagogue with a big ol' booty.

As much as we admire Phoenix's swagger and independence, we sometimes fear one U.S. Slut will get too powerful. That's why Lexi Belle and Kagney Linn Karter have agreed to try the two-seat leadership of the Roman consul when they fuck Toni Ribas. They can't do anything unless they both agree to do it! "Shall we fellate Toni's cock?" "Yes, we shall." "May I let Toni cunnlingate* me?" "On the condition that I am cunnilingated afterwards." And so on. We think they make a pretty good team.

This DVD even comes with a bonus scene of Crissy Moon getting doubly penetrated by David Perry and Toni Ribas! Their threesome has less to do with running this country and a lot more to do with the Spiderman and Venom costumes the boys are wearing, but you can still learn a thing or two about democracy! How could two bitter comic book enemies share a room together, let alone help each other fuck the same girl in both of her tight holes? It's because she's a U.N. sanctioned peacemaker! And if you're wondering, yes, Venom is the one in her ass (of course Venom is down with anal).

Chris Rolie and Jules Jordan gave us "U.S. Sluts" to make us proud of this country, and proud is what we are. Only babes like these know that the best way to stimulate the economy is to tickle its balls.

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*cunnilingate - v., a new word brought to you by our very own Lux Alptraum!

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