The Poise, The Pageantry, And The Pegging Of “Miss Teen Strap America”

It's just like the Miss America pageant, except there are no questions, no swimsuit competition, no evening wear portion, and everyone has the same talent: finding the nearest guy and making him take a strap-on to the ass.

This is a timeless tradition, an American institution dreamed up by the great Joey Silvera: a director with ten awards for his gonzo movies and seven awards for his transsexual movies. Anybody can learn to use a strap-on with his guidance, but only "Miss Teen Strap America" will go beyond her big plastic dick training and ball boys hard enough to earn Silvera's blessing. So who will earn the coveted title?

The competition is fierce to say the least. Giselle Leon hopes to impress judges with her cavalier attitude, and indeed, there is something dastardly hot about a woman who so casually fingers an asshole while she sucks cock. Her partner, Gabriel, winces and moans as she pounds his pucker, but Giselle keeps her cool with one hand on her hip and the other spanking them buttcheeks.

Before we talk about Jessie Andrews, we want you to look at the sixth picture in the gallery. Or click this. That's Jessie looking cuter than sin mere seconds before slipping her strap-on into Vin Deacon's ass. How does she stay Disney-level cute at all times? And the way she licks upon and slobbers down Vin's hole is so gosh darn hot that we're willing to ignore the Lisa Frank eye shadow she's got going on. We don't know if she's going to take the title this year, but she'll definitely be in the top tier.

Wait, Shay Golden is already wearing the tiara? She won this already? Uh, we guess that means she's fucking Christian in the ass for fun. Well, there you have it folks: your new "Miss Teen Strap America" is so dedicated to her title that she's throwing dick down the throat of one of the biggest, baldest, beefiest boys in the business. We don't know when the judges announced their decision, but we wish someone had told us! We were so confused as to why Holly Michaels and Heather Starlet were tag-teaming Gabriel (who clearly loves being pegged more than life itself).

Well, it's been a beautiful show, but all good things must end. We want to give a round of applause to all of the contestants: ladies, you handle a dick better than 90% of men on this planet. And to our "Miss Teen Strap America," we wish you lots of luck in the "Miss Strap Universe" competition that we seriously hope someone invents.

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Giselle Leon and Gabriel
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Giselle Leon and Gabriel
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Giselle Leon and Gabriel
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Giselle Leon and Gabriel
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Jessie Andrews and Vin Deacon
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Jessie Andrews and Vin Deacon
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Jessie Andrews and Vin Deacon
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Jessie Andrews and Vin Deacon
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Jessie Andrews and Vin Deacon
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Beverly Paige and Deviant Kade
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Beverly Paige and Deviant Kade
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Beverly Paige and Deviant Kade
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Beverly Paige and Deviant Kade
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Beverly Paige and Deviant Kade
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Beverly Paige and Deviant Kade
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Holly Michaels, Heather Starlet, and Gabriel
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Holly Michaels, Heather Starlet, and Gabriel
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Holly Michaels, Heather Starlet, and Gabriel
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Holly Michaels, Heather Starlet, and Gabriel
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Holly Michaels, Heather Starlet, and Gabriel
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Shay Golden and Christian
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Shay Golden and Christian
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Shay Golden and Christian
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Shay Golden and Christian
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