“The Graduate XXX” Could Use A Few More Years Of Schooling

You know, our assessment that this movie "will Garfunkel your Simon" was a bit hastily made. "The Graduate XXX" is definitely an impressive movie, and it delivers more than its share of arousing action, but overall, it's a disappointment. (Kind of like most college graduates these days. Zing!)

The Graduate XXX

Studio: Exile Pictures
Director: Paul Thomas
Cast: India Summer, Anthony Rosano, Raven Alexis, Dale DaBone, Veronica Avluv, Kagney Linn Karter, Lexi Belle, Marie McCray, James Bartholet, Herschel Savage, Rod Fontana, Ron Jeremy

Never has a porn film made me feel so conflicted! I want to like this, and I genuinely admire Paul Thomas, Phil Noir, and Exile Pictures for tackling this retro parody project, but my feelings about "Graduate XXX" vacillated wildly throughout my viewing session. For clarity's sake, I've organized my notes into the usual categories of Good, Bad, and Ugly. Join me, won't you?

The Good: There are times when this parody perfectly captured the tone of the original movie, and that's largely due to the retro duds, the talent of the actors, and the brilliantly spoofed Simon and Garfunkel soundtrack. Even when one of the three facets takes a fall, it's totally excusable. It is porn, after all.

And the porn parts hold their own against the parody portions—in fact, since "The Graduate" is such a sex-driven film, the hardcore parts are easily woven into the plot. There are a few sex scenes with unimportant characters, but they at least make sense in the context of the parody.

Content-wise, "Graduate XXX" has some of the finest screwing I've seen in any porn film this year. India Summer exercises all of the calm and control that Anne Bancroft brought to Mrs. Robinson, and the first time you see her pull out Anthony Rosano's cock (he plays Benjamin, naturally), it's a tense but exhilarating scene. Anthony's natural sweatiness really comes in handy when he nervously asks, mid-sloppy blowjob, "Are you absolutely sure you're not trying to seduce me, Mrs. Robinson?" and even though this quickie suck scene removes some of the tension from the hotel (in this case, motel) rendezvous, these two do their best to maintain the MILF-based anxiety. India also has a steamy and BDSM rich scene with Veronica Avluv (who plays Mrs. Bradcock), one of our favorite lesbian performers and a woman who always seems to have an air of vintage va-va-voom about her.

Surprisingly, even the sex scenes with non-canonical characters are blazing hot. Dale DaBone (who plays a man named Parker, who satisfies the same role as Carl in the original) has a random yet absolutely electric threesome in his Berkeley frat house with Lexi Belle and Marie McCray, and any complaints I usually have about unnecessary characters went right out the window when I saw those two young darlings go halfsies on Dale's huge dick. Lexi's high energy carries this scene; any time there's a lull in the action, if a pussy or ass is in position to be played with, if a clit can be teased, a face sit upon, or juices lapped up, Lexi is right there.

On an entirely different note, I thought the corny jokes in this movie were exactly the right amount of corny! The famous line about plastics has been gently turned into a small scene in which Ron Jeremy tells Anthony that the future is in plastic novelty items. Solid stuff.

The Bad: The sex scenes in this movie would've been pants-obliterating hot if it weren't for the editing. For one, the visuals randomly slip into a jerky, blurry style—the kind of thing you see in flashbacks—that's more likely to give you a headache than get you hard. I'd be happy if this were limited to dialogue or action based scenes, but it shows up when I'm trying to watch Raven Alexis's (Elaine's) butt jiggle as Anthony bangs her from behind. If I wanted to look at shoddily rendered genitals swim through ether, I would take a Xanax and surf XTube.

Second, the sound is very clearly off track during sex scenes. It's probably the side effect of trying to connect one piece of footage to the next, but A) it pulls you out of the moment and B) it's easily avoidable, that's what editing is. Don't make India say naughty things to Anthony while her mouth is completely still.

Third, jump cuts ruin almost every female orgasm in this film. For example, when Anthony is putting the pipe to India, her moans start that tell-tale climb in pitch, her breathing gets ragged, and you know that something beautiful is about to erupt from her body. But just as she hits her high note—right when her muscles visibly tighten and she's lost in the moment—there's a cut to another position, already in progress, and that's that. Why? Why would they do that? It's as if ladies in "The Graduate" only come for half of a second. There's no winding down, no extended clit teasing, and no reveling in the half-exhausted splendor of these cherished performers. Every male orgasm is appreciated with the normal length of jizz gazing and finger licking, so why not give the ladies their time?

Fuck that.

The Ugly (or, more accurately, the strange things that you notice when you have way too much time to watch porn): I'm fascinated by the way "Graduate XXX" chose to portray Mrs. Robinson's sexual persona: when she has her clothing on, she is completely in control of the people around her, but she takes a more submissive role as soon as she's ready to hump. This is most apparent when she and Ben have their first tryst and, divining that Benji is a little green under the gills, she introduces him to some advanced BDSM techniques and attire. Suddenly, the music changes to some jazzy number, everything goes black and white, India is in a straitjacket, and Anthony is back to his usual, bouncy, gum-chewing self as he slaps her ass with a riding crop. I'm disappointed that we don't get to see India dominate Anthony, and I'm deeply curious why they chose this path.

To their credit, it's perfectly reasonable for a domineering woman to want to be submissive during sex, and there's probably no way to handle Mrs. Robinson's sexual behavior that won't raise some eyebrows or bum out some cougar lovers.

While we're on the topic of bummers, here's a quick list of small, random ones!

· Dale DaBone's frat buddies spend all their time around a pool table, so we get to see them play pool. However, they're not playing it right. It's such a useless point to dwell upon, but it's absurd that they would dedicate so much energy getting the clothing, music, and characters right only to include this haphazard ball smacking. Way to set my OCD off, Paul Thomas.
· The talented musicians who parodied the works of Simon and Garfunkel decided to spoof "Hazy Shade of Winter" and their version pops up in the middle of a few sex scenes. It's pretty annoying. And why choose "Hazy Shade of Winter" when the original soundtrack has suggestively-titled songs like "Whew," "The Great Effect," and "The Big Bright Green Pleasure Machine"? Or even "April Come She Will"! More like "April Come She Won't."
· Dale's threeway with Lexi and Marie almost gets exposed when Raven steps on a used condom on the floor. That's the only time a condom comes up in this movie.
· There's a strange gag that revolves around how long it takes Raven to tinkle. Pee jokes! Radical!
· Remember how "The Graduate" ends on a calm and contemplative note? They botched it.

Actually, that last point deserves a little more discussion. When they're comfortably seated at the back of the bus, Elaine turns to Ben and looks into his eyes: "Benjamin? I just have one thing to say." She reaches into her purse and pulls out a big purple vibrator. "Plastic novelties." Then you see Ron Jeremy is the bus driver! And all of the passengers on the bus are the Robinsons and the Braddocks! And everyone is smiling! Because God forbid we end a porn movie on a bittersweet note!

It's not that I was looking for an exact copy of "The Graduate" with sex thrown in (see: "Taxi Driver XXX" and "Rezervoir Doggs: An Exquisite Films Parody"), but I had hoped for a parody that draws from the original with some consistency. Barring that, I was hoping for decent fap material. "The Graduate XXX" is neither.

Anthony Rosano
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Anthony Rosano
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India Summer and Anthony Rosano
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India Summer and Anthony Rosano
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India Summer
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India Summer
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India Summer
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India Summer
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India Summer
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India Summer
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India Summer
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India Summer and Veronica Avluv
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India Summer and Veronica Avluv
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India Summer and Veronica Avluv
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Kagney Linn Karter
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Kagney Linn Karter
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Kagney Linn Karter
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Lexi Belle
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Lexi Belle
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Lexi Belle, Marie McCray, and Dale DaBone
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Lexi Belle, Marie McCray, and Dale DaBone
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Marie McCray
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Raven Alexis
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Raven Alexis
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Raven Alexis and Anthony Rosano
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Raven Alexis and Anthony Rosano
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