The LadyHug Is A LadyBust

There are a couple things that make for a quality sex toy. Good materials, easy to use controls that don't disrupt the experience, soft curves that feel good against the body. Based on my experience with it, the Lady Hug has pretty much none of these.

Let's get one thing straight: I really wanted to like the LadyHug. The first press release received for it stressed the toy's programmable, updatable nature and the fact that it was designed to "hug" a woman's body. Given my affinity for geekery, toys that plug into my computer, and hugs; the whole thing seemed like a match made in heaven.

But alas, once I actually tried the toy out, it felt more like a match made in hell. Let's go over the sins of the Lady Hug:

Shitty controls. Remember how much I hated the tiny little buttons on Crave's Duet? The LadyHug's are just as bad--no, scratch that, they're actually worse. Tiny, hard to press, and positioned on the top side of the toy, the Lady Hug's buttons all but require you to press the toy into your pelvis if you want to change vibration patterns mid-masturbation session. Some people might be into that, I was not, largely because the Lady Hug is made from...

Uncomfortable materials. I should preface this by stating that I've never really been into hard plastic toys. The Slimline? As far as I'm concerned, it's more like the Suckline (see what I did there?). But my issue with the Lady Hug wasn't just that it was hard plastic; adding insult to injury, there were actually parts of the toy that felt sharp and scratchy...two sensations I do not really want near my ladybits.

Weird design. The biggest selling point of the Lady Hug are the two rubber coated arms that are designed to "hug" the clitoris (this is what makes it more than just a multispeed egg vibrator, anyway). Unfortunately for me, that hug felt way more like a pinch: a painful, uncomfortable pinch that didn't add to my pleasure at all. And on top of all that...

It's not waterproof. It's not even splash proof, which I thought was standard by this point. In fact, the LadyHug's own FAQ warns that "The LadyHug cannot interact with any liquid of any kind, including anything coming from your own body. The LadyHug is in no way waterproof."

I'll give that a moment to set in. On my end, I'm still confused about why anyone thought it was a good idea to make a toy designed for a liquid secreting part of the female body that can't interact with liquids.

So, where does that all leave us? A toy that's awkward to use, doesn't feel good against the body, and (as I read it) will likely malfunction if it, ahem, works too well. I'm not sure how this spells progress for sex toys...but hey, at least you can update the toy with new vibration patterns from time to time. Let's not forget that.

· The Lady Hug (ladyhug.com)