Porn for Straight Girls: Asphyxia Has Heeled Me

[youtube Kcg11JJ8HDY 640 380]FEET! Who knew there were so many dizzying things to do with them other than walk on them? Joanna Angel knows, and she got her Burning Angel crew together for this Footloose-flavored foot fetish comedy.

In Asphyxia Heels the World, our lanky and lovely protagonist has to go heel-to-toe with a shoe shop owner who only sells "flippie floppies" and other flat-footed shoes. He's a toe man, and there's just no way high heels will fly in his town -- especially not the insanely high kicks that Asphyxia favors. She takes a job in his store anyway, determined to bring the joy of high heels to the citizens of that small hick town.

You don't necessarily have to be into feet to enjoy this movie, although it helps. I picked it because I am a fan of Danny Wylde, who doesn't get as much online love as James Deen but is just as hot and has a wonderfully smart and insightful blog to boot. If you're squicked by feet, though, you're fucked, and not in a good way. There are bare feet, high heels that get licked and sucked and ejaculated on and in and, in the case of Brian Street Team, worn as a codpiece. On the other hand, there is a lot of fucking, and it's hot to trot. Each scene is long; the whole movie is nearly three hours, and although that does include, you know, talking and plot, the stars take their time fucking. Although all of the hetero couples scenes run through the same positions, it's fairly fluid and mixed up enough that it doesn't seem totally choreographed and routine.

This film is a little rougher than some other offerings; there is hair pulling, spitting, eye-watering blowjobs, and more spitting. All of the performers seem into it and get off, usually, in the case of the ladies, more than once.

Danny and Krissie Dee have the first scene, and since Danny is the shop owner and toe freak* and Krissie plays his employee, this scene starts out with some barefoot action. Ever wondered how a foot job works? Now you know. They quickly move above the ankle, though, and Danny doesn't disappoint. They fuck alllll over the store in a variety of positions, and while there is plenty of blow jobbin' and regular old P in the V and the B, there's also pussy eating, fingering, and general attention paid to the little old clit while they're fucking.

Now, hold up a minute. Sorry to ruin the mood, but I have to point something out. I know that performers doing anal scenes prepare ahead of time with an enema so their butts are squeaky clean, but I just cannot deal with scenes where performers move back and forth between fucking the pussy and the ass and back again without changing condoms. Obviously, many studios don't use condoms, so I just have two words for you: E. coli. I get that it's taboo -- another level of, say, ass-to-mouth naughtiness -- and that it's probably not that big of a risk in the scheme of things and even the desire to switch back and forth just because it feels good, but it is gnarly. And not in a good way.

Onward! As the star of the movie, Asphyxia dominates with three hot scenes: a solo, a girl/girl with Dee, and a boy/girl with Brian Street Team. The other scenes are very hot and the performers are definitely having a lot of fun, don't get me wrong. Arabelle Raphael and Mr. Pete have a wonderfully dirty scene down in the basement of the shoe store, where Asphyxia is dealing her high heels. Arabelle has awesomely large natural breasts and a sexy curvy body, and Mr. Pete is pretty hot despite his "hyuck hyuck!" hick shtick that most of the guys do to one extent or another. Tommy Pistol and Twix enjoy an outdoor scene that's enthusiastic and hot, despite the chill, as you see in the BTS extras. However, Asphyxia tops them all with her seriously smoldering style. Although I was skeptical at first, her girl/girl with Dee goes to eleven with lots of give and take between them. Expert oral, badass finger-bangin' (including the classic two-handed pistol maneuver) and multiple orgasms is what this scene is all about.

Does Asphyxia top herself in the last scene of the movie with Brian Street Team? Possibly! He is wonderfully goofy playing Cinderella with the shoes and his dick -- this one fits just right! -- but serious about giving Asphyxia the business. They fuck all over the store, and Brian sends those ugly old flippie floppies flying. By the end, Danny has agreed to sell both high heels and flat shoes, and it seems that open-toed heels could be the solution to all their problems. I was a little disappointed that I only got to see one scene with Danny Wylde, but if wishes were horses, etc.

*I use the word freak fondly, so don't, well, freak out

Why this porn is good for straight girls:

* It's funny. Although Tommy Pistol's performance calls to mind a Sling Blade on Adderall, he's also pretty funny for a porn, as are the other performers and throwaway lines like, "I just do not trust a real estate agent who's not gonna show me her toes."

* The guys are hot. They're like those little skate punks I always eyed in high school all grown up. I still can't figure out what the tattoo on Brian Street Team's ass is, though.

* Call me a hypocrite if you will, but I prefer tattoos and piercings to fake boobs. There is a lot of the former and none of the latter.

* Everyone gets off. In case you haven't noticed, I am very into the enthusiastic use of fingers and mouths on the vadge before, during, and after fucking; while some women get off from penetration, there are so many that don't that I really appreciate it when porn shows people fucking in a way that the viewer can relate to. And while some positions are obviously more performative than others, such as when Danny has to keep Krissie from snapping her legs around his ears when he's eating her out, I dig seeing these guys pay attention to their partner's pleasure.

· Buy "Asphyxia Heels the World" (store.fleshbot.com)
· Burning Angel (burningangel.com)

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