There’s No Escape From “Exit Holes 2”

If you couldn't read English, you might assume from the boxcover of "Exit Holes 2" that it was your standard Porn Lesbian movie featuring healthy pole dancers who hunt the Lickalotapuss now and then. But Oh My God.

But I can—mostly—read English, so I assumed correctly that "Exit Holes 2" was an anal movie (and what bigger hint do you need than "2"?), even without the odd tagline "It's going in the out door; In fact, it's going deep in the back door."

I navigated to a scene with Ally Ann, a pornstress whom we all want to see do well, and the more demure and bespectacled Misty Love. They are sitting in a room we've seen before and being interviewed by a 50-odd-year-old man who never appears on camera and is never identified in the credits.

"Say: 'Hi mom, I'm a piece of shit whore,'" he says, but they don't.

I know that porn can play many roles in one's life, from a healthy part of a nutritious and loving relationship, to a quick-fix tool, to a source of income, to the only way you might otherwise see women naked, that same gender that never had the time for you.

In the wake of the recent "Hipster Racism" tempest, the jokey "Call yourself a piece of shit whore" style of directing continues to come off as thinly-varnished hatred of women. It is this type of porn that always makes the case for anti-porn crusaders, even if—in this case—Ally Ann seems to take the "interview" in stride and Misty Love holds her own.

The uncredited narrator then presses on.

"Would you eat your own mom's pussy?" he asks.

"For a whole lot of money," Ally Ann replies, God Bless Her.

"Would you eat your dad's asshole?" he asks (having previously gotten nowhere with questions about incest as their primary sexual experiences).

"Well, my real dad, not my adopted dad," says Ann.

If Misty Love registers an I-Didn't-Sign-On-for-This look on her face, we can't blame her. I mean, we all know why we're here: we're about to watch these two nubile vixens chow down on poor post-Golden Age performer Joel Lawrence's asshole.

But our humble narrator seems to make the proceedings dirtier, creepier, and sadder than they need to be, which is an accomplishment considering the ladies then blow Lawrence after he's poked them in the butt.

Halfway through the threesome, the host leans down to Misty Love and asks, "Do you like the Shit Cock?"

It's the questions that trigger the gag reflex.

Both women readily confess to having been sexually active and promiscuous way before porn-shootin' age, and they seem at ease and adept at the acts they are performing with Mr. Lawrence. There's laughter and smiles all around with these fun-loving, All-American women as long as that dude isn't talking.

· Buy "Exit Holes 2" (jerkoffzone.com)