Songs To Bone Down To

As I was spending quality time with my laptop last night, thinking about and writing about sex, I found myself motivated to put on some music that could function as the soundtrack to my sexy blogging when, Voila! the idea for this post hit me right between the labia! Songs to bone down to! Who among us hasn't found themselves in a sexual situation where music played some part in the success, failure, awkwardness or arousal level if the experience?!?

I know that looking back on my sex life, music has been an element that I have mostly (thankfully) enjoyed. I also know that as a sex professional, I am often disgruntled at the music that is played in porn movies. I know, it's difficult and expensive to buy rights to commercial music for porn films but in an ideal world my favorite porn pros would be fucking to a live band or the latest track by my favorite musician. So, in true "If I had my way" fashion, I present to you my Sex Mixtape: Albums for the porno in my head/music I play when getting busy. Now this is personal, I'm giving you my musical heart here, don't break it. But do comment. What music do you like to use when making whoopee?

The Black Keys, "El Camino": I know, I know, hipster central but come on y'all, I live in San Francisco and this album is AMAZING. It is especially ideal for sex because it goes from rough and rugged songs like "Gold On The Ceiling", which is great from a good old fashioned rodgering right into songs like "Little Black Submarines" which is perfect for some slow lovin'. Any good mixtape aficionado would tell you that it's the flow that matters and this album has amazing flow, perfect for the ups and downs that (hopefully?) come with a good sex session. "Brothers" is also amazing and even more gritty, written before the band found their super mainstream audience.

Maxwell, "Maxwell's Urban Hang Suite": Where to begin with this one?! It came out in 1996, just in time for my early eighties born self to be in the throes of early adolescence where we were still making out and heavy petting but yearning for what was to come. This album is sex made aural and Maxwell's voice is lube for your ears. A true R&B dream, this album is definitely one that I would use if I were to create the soundtrack for my own porn. Picture a hot Los Angeles afternoon, a lounge with a 50s vibe and a female bartender in an a-frame tank lightly glistening with sweat… You feel me?! An image worthy of an interobang if ever there was one!

Fiona Apple, "Tidal": Keeping in theme with the nineties albums that changed my sexual life, "Criminal", the best-selling song from this album mentally shaped the concept of the sexual person I wanted to be. From it, I imagined a woman who could dominate and manipulate with her sexuality, someone that was powerful but occasionally felt remorse at the things she had done with her power. Consequently I have always felt this the perfect album for a person who is looking for some emotional depth with their sex. Admittedly, my girl Fiona can get a bit heavy and this album wanders from tearjerkers to steaminess about every two songs making it as good for break-up sex as for choke-you-out or lovey dove sex. It's really a mixed bag. But I dig that sort of thing.

Tool, "AEnima": I know, I know, this isn't for everyone. But if it's for you, you will know what I mean when I say that sex to this album can get otherworldly. This album has helped me explore not only a variety of sex acts but a variety of sex emotions. I won't attribute too many of my own, lest you come to expect something specific from this album, I'll only say that if you leave yourself and your sex open and put this on, you may find something you never expected. You also may hate it. Or become obsessed. Just saying.

Blak Roc, "Blak Roc": Here is another album that was made for porn. A collaboration between The Black Keys and some amazing hip hop talent, this album is the very definition of bump and grind. Even the sounds of a few of the vocalist's voices sound like sex acts; grindy and wet and warm. Similar to "El Camino", Blak Roc moves smoothly from dirty hip hop into slower songs with more of a blues feel. It has great transitions and is equally as great for listening while strolling down the street as getting dirty between the sheets. I especially love this album when the weather is hot and recommend it to my east coast folks who are having a heat wave. Open your windows, put this on and let the sweat add to the slip and slide and in and out and around.

Frank Ocean, "Channel Orange": Now here is the part where I jump on the bandwagon with my whole body. Frank Ocean rules. Not only because he exhibited great bravery in coming out (do the googles if you don't know, you should know) but because he is a master musician who has made a stellar album. As a queer-identified person (more on that later too), I love listening to this album thinking about who he is talking about, thinking about his challenges with love and sex and attraction. It is such an erotic album and plays smoothly in one long line from beginning to end. You can put it on and go on the journey with him, not worrying about that random song that will ruin your flow. Even if it's not your style for sexytime, this album is a must-have for anyone who loves Hip Hop and R&B or is looking for a good introduction to these genres. As you can tell, I'm already a fan but not too partial to be inured to genius when I see it.

D'Angelo, "Voodoo": Google a picture of this man without a shirt on. Right now. Do it. Gay, straight, bi, queer, etc, I am virtually positive that it will make you say wow regardless. This album is the musical equivalent of his abdominals. Sexy sexy sexy. Slick and dirty and full of nastiness, it's the album I put on when I don't see nothin' wrong with a little bump and grind. When there is less need for love makin' and more need for getting down to the deed, this is my go to. So much sexy. Again, in the R&B genre but transcending it as well through the use of talking over tracks and storytelling that takes you into the head of the musician. This album is classic. Guys, might I go out on a limb and suggest this in lieu of Marvin Gaye next time? Try this first and "Let's Get It On" after that. See how that goes. Thank me later.

George Michael, "The Very Best of George Michael": I am gay. Sooooo gay. I really feel like no further explanation is needed. I love everything about this album. Sex to it. You will see.

Portishead, "Roseland Live in NYC": And last but not least, the album that so many of my friends and I have boned to over the years (not with each other, well sometimes but mostly not). This album is the soundtrack to so many sexual encounters. I have burlesqued to it, I have stripped to it and I have had magic sex and terrible sex and mindblowing sex to the songs on this album. "I'm so tired of playing, playing with this bow and arrow, gonna give my heart away, leave it for the other girls to play." "For I've been a temptress too long." I MEAN COME ON, great lyrics, that VOICE and rhythms that ooze sex out of your speakers. I leave you on this note because it's a great note. Now go forth and GET BUSY. With yourself or with others, let this music be your guide, your muse, your buddy, your sexual wing man. Enjoy.

Also, for those wondering, I lost my virginity to Prince's "Purple Rain." Yup. Best. XXO

[This post is a part of Fleshbot's Dylan Ryan Week. Photo from "Bobbi Starr's Vicarious."]