Don’t Sit Your Tits Too Close To The TV

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Alyce (Jade Dornfeld) has been having a rough time lately--like, she's haunted by the guilt of accidentally knocking her best friend off a roof, that kind of a rough time--so we can understand if she needs to stay inside and lose her brain in the television. However, we worry about her frantically masturbating to CNN and C-SPAN and whatever other broadcast atrocities she's picked up; she's not aware that she's sitting way too close to the TV!

She's going to strain her nipples at that distance! And then she'll never want to have sex with a human ever again. You think we're joking, but look what happens with "stud cakes" over there. Alyce has tasted the fury of a fiberoptic fuck and she'll never be the same. It's called a boob tube for a reason, girl!

· "Alyce" (imdb.com)