Election Erotica: Porn For Your Next President

Oh damn, it's election day! Unless you live in a swing state, you probably feel a bit helpless right now, and you're wondering what you can actually do to ensure the future of your country. Real talk: you can't do a thing, but you most certainly can prepare for election night by stocking up on smut. No matter who wins, we have you covered!

If Obama wins...
In his second term, Barack Obama's socialist dreams will finally be realized, and we will march forward into an America where prosperity is shared lest you feel like ending up in government-run turnip farms. Women's reproductive rights will be secured, but if they feel like having sex, they will first have to have consult a panel of president-appointed pornstars who will doubly penetrate them, spank them, choke them, and fulfill their wildest group sex fantasies. The world will look a lot like one of our favorite Bobbi Starr films, "Gangbanged," which is the perfect movie for celebrating Barack's victory. It's like Bill Clinton said: "we're all in this together."

[Clip via AEBN Porn Pay Per View Network (theater.aebn.net)]

If Romney wins...

A limo will pull up outside your house and then a handful of Fortune 500 CEOs will bust inside your living room and step on your parents: that's November 7th. By the end of 2013, the rich of Romney's America will have fucked you so hard that you'll barely register the fact that they're making you pay for their condoms. What should you do? Fuck them back! There is actually a surprising amount of porn that focuses on wealthy people getting got in the genitals, but current favorite is a sweet little scene from Brazzers called "Rich Bitch Rub Down." Blaire Banks stars as a rich, snotty teen who gets whatever she wants, including private massages from Johnny Sins. She tries to seduce him, but he explains that he's a professional and isn't comfortable with the idea of engaging in sexual activity with clients. Blaire doesn't listen, and demands a happy ending from Johnny, so he obliges her and then jizzes on her face. Long live the jizz of the working class!

[Blaire's blowjob picture courtesy of Brazzers (brazzers.com)]

And if Measure B passes...
What happens when Los Angeles mandates condom usage in porn? We've thought about it long and hard, we don't know what will happen exactly. Maybe the porn industry will collapse, maybe it will thrive, or maybe it'll leave for another state. All we know for sure is that companies like Wicked Pictures will be just fine, and their condom-only ways could position them to be the top studio in the industry. So expect to see more porn like the scene from "XXX Avengers" above (except minus the crazy makeup on Kaylani Lei, unless that's part of Measure B we didn't know about).

Anyway, we hope this has inspired you to get out and vote and stop by your local adult retailer on the way home!

[Clip via AEBN Porn Pay Per View Network (theater.aebn.net)]

[At top: some patriotic babes courtesy of Reality Kings (realitykings.com)]