Amanda Seyfriend’s Boots Were Made for Whacking

Amanda Seyfried has played everyone from a Mean Girls to Linda Lovelace, but she's at her sexiest when she's just her hot self, as this photo spread from W Magazine proves.

She poses in her undies, looking blasé, but those boots tell a different story. They speak of her sexual dominance. Her alluring security with herself. The lustful thoughts that are percolating just beneath that placid expression she wears on her face.

Sure she's made-up a bit much, and that over-shirt is covering up our unobstructed look at her body, but what do you expect. It's W Magazine. It's a fashion rag, and honestly what do the people in that world know about style or sex appeal or women, for that matter?

We could rant on and on about this, but we can't. We just cannot bring ourselves to sully the good name of Amanda Seyfried. No, not when we can soil ourselves to her. And that's just what we're doing. Now! Even as we type.

That said, who here among us didn't learn the joys of self-abuse from their mother's fashion magazines with its half-naked women. Skinny women, yes, but still women, and sexy at any weight. So we owe a debt of gratitude to the publishers of Seventh Avenue for their selfless labors at introducing us to the sin of masturbation. Thank you.

W Magazine