MTV Wants To Give You Whippersnappers A Lesson In Nudity During The Pre-Internet Era

You kids today don't know how good you've got it. Every imaginable sexual act known to man is but a few keystrokes away, but for those of us born in the 70s and even earlier, our sexual awakening was a very different animal. As a matter of fact, it seems so far-fetched that it could be a fairy tale, but it's all true, and MTV's Aaron Goldfarb is here to walk you through it. 

Goldfarb hits on all the old standbys, like the kid who resided just outside your social circle, but knew a thing or two about scoring porn or nudie mags...

It was, of course, my sleazy buddy who had the courage to ask some old creep outside the 7-11 to purchase a Playboy for us. An even more enterprising sleazy buddy of mine figured out how to trick Penthouse’s subscription department into mailing issues to a random mailbox in front of an abandoned house that he monitored daily.

One of the things that none of us want to return to was the days of scrambled cable, when you prayed you'd blow your load when a boob was on screen, yet it always seemed to happen when a dick came into sudden focus...

We were too young to rent R-rated movies from the local video stores, let alone enter the backroom where they kept the really dirty stuff. So, we had to rely on TV. Unfortunately, all of our parents were too cheap to pay for HBO. At first, we were all too dumb to realize that the regular channels would never show nudity. (We’d watch garbage B-movies on USA’s “Up All Night” and other networks for hours on end, praying the steamy kissing scenes would lead tosomething.)

Eventually, we caught on to FCC broadcasting standards, and were forced to watch the scrambled cable channels our parents didn’t pay for... And for those rare seconds when “Skinemax” magically unscrambled and — look! a boob! a butt! — it was like a like a light was shining down on us all.

And who could forget the lowest of the lows; Raiding dad's dusty old porn collection?

One incredible day, either you or one of your friends would accidentally open the wrong drawer (well, the right drawer) and discover your old man’s fapping inventory. It might’ve just been a stack of magazines…or it might’ve been a glorious, well-worn VHS tape.

The only thing he really dropped the ball on mentioning was National Geographic magazine. Man, those were awesome. You could even check them out of the school library, and drop loads to your heart's content while staring at the bare breasted women of tribal Africa. 

Via MTV