Will You Boldly Go Inside This Creepy Sex Van?

February 9, 2015
TUCKER-BANKSHOT

Behold... The ultimate in misguided fandom! There is an entire subculture of people who own vans adorned with airbrushed images from their favorite movies. Even when they're done well, they're still creepy as all get out, so you can imagine the responses a subpar one like this might elicit.

This sweet piece of fan art gone awry comes to us from io9 (link below) who spotted it on Craigslist Vancouver, though the listing has since been removed. Let's take a look at this bad boy in more depth, shall we?

Things go to shit almost immediately on this bad boy starting with these portraits of Bones, Kirk, and Spock on the hood. Bones & Spock look like Jerry Lewis after his face got all puffy, and Kirk is clearly modeled on respected Swedish actor Max Von Sydow. Let's go around to the driver's side...

Okay, so here we get a semi-accurate portrayal of the Enterprise, but the scale is embarrassingly bad. Look at the size of the Enterprise in this picture, and then check out the scale in the close-up...

Okay, so the Enterprise is blowing up a space station (question mark) and there's a gigantic Enterprise-sized Samus from Metroid perched right next to it. Let's go around back, this is where things get interesting...

It's not Star Trek unless Kirk is sexing up some space broads, which I believe is what's happening here. The thing that's really confusing is the disembodied Klingon head that's peeking out at Kirk in his loincloth from the void...

Now it's on to the passenger side, where things get really baffling...

Again, it's easy to attack the scale here, but what are Spock and the booby lady doing?

Clearly the artist mixed up Star Trek & Star Wars while simultaneously trying to be the next Frank Frazetta. Spock belongs on lunch boxes and refrigerator magnets, not on some creepy van with a booby lady. Oh wait, I remember now...