I Suck at Sex Toys: Library Girl Love Doll

September 14, 2015
TUCKER-BANKSHOT

According to the box...

She traded her diploma for dildos and this coed cutie needs a new study buddy! Meet Kendra Sunderland, the infamous 19-year old “Library Girl” who decided to take a break from the books and film her cam show in the school library instead. This former freshman is like most college girls–she just wants to party hard and have as much sex as she can cram into her busy schedule! Give her a lesson in lovemaking and explore every inch of this former Beaver’s beaver!

Hi Guys, I’m Kendra, aka the “Library Girl”, and I’m super excited to have my very own exclusive toy line made just for you! By now, you’ve probably seen me around campus or in the news, and I know all you horny boys are dying to get into my pants! My huge 32G boobs get me into lots of trouble, but i can’t help showing them off! I guess you could say I’m an attention whore, but I’m really just an ordinary 19-year old who loves to party, get drunk and try new things! So what are you waiting for, I need a new study buddy!

This feels like a solid decision, mostly due to the fact that Kendra Sunderland is totally hot and I would certainly not pass up an opportunity to fuck her. I mean, just look at the promo pictures for her sex doll...

Hell yeah! Now I'm pumped! Now I can't wait to get her out of the box and... oh...

Oh...

After some soul searching, I realized that it was highly unlikely that they put the wrong doll in this package. Nope, this is what my frugality has wrought. Maybe I'm just looking at her from a bad angle...

Nope, definitely has nothing to do with the angle. It takes me about 8 minutes to get "Kendra" fully inflated, and as I sit on the couch, slightly winded from the deed, I do the thing that I suppose all men who have gotten this far into the process have done. I take stock of my life.

Part of me thinks, "you would totally do this if you were ten years younger," and the other part of me thinks, "how do you ever hope to come back from this?" Seriously, this is a crossroads moment if ever there was one. I imagine that most—if not all—men who have placed their penis inside a blow up doll can look at their lives as pre and post that moment. It's a game changing moment and one that I have to seriously contemplate. I like the game the way it is and I'm not sure I want the game to change.

At this point, I begin to wonder if it's my duty to fuck this thing—and yes, I'm calling it a thing, just fucking look at it—or if there might be some sort of loophole that would allow me to get away with reviewing it without actually using it. Using my finger, I figure that at the very least, I can figure out what's going on in the three holes on this sex toy. My biggest concern was seams because, let's face it, the last thing I need is to slice my dick while trying to fuck a balloon. Imagine explaining that to a medical professional. Thankfully the openings at the mouth, vagina, and ass, as well as the actual, whatever you call them, I don't know let's go with sleeves, seem to not have any seams. Fine work blow-up doll design team. This is the first item I'm putting in the plus column.

Here's where shit got really weird for me. The mouth and vagina sleeves appear to be made of the same vinyl as the rest of the doll, but the ass sleeve—which incidentally is a great name for a death metal band: For one night only it's ASS SLEEVE—anyway, the ass sleeve has a more velvety material inside it, subliminally telling men that it feels better to fuck a woman in the ass than it does in the mouth or vagina. This little psychological mindfuck was all the excuse I needed to not place my manhood inside of this doll. How dare they attempt to coerce me into becoming a full time ASSMAN.

Seriously though, we'll just go ahead and chalk this whole thing up to a bad decision. If you want to fuck a sex doll, you've got to do it right or don't do it at all. I mean, you've seen what $25 gets you, but just look at what nearly five times as much gets you. I think you've either got to go full Real Doll or don't bother.

I give it a 2/6 on the Flaccid to Erect Scale. The pics on the box are pretty hot, so that's something to look at while fucking the doll.