Behind Closed Doors: WTF Is Genital Body Armoring and How Do You Stop It?

Why can some people feel more during sex than others? Every once in awhile I meet a woman who can cum so fast that she's squirting all over the place 10 minutes in, and then I'll meet one who has never had an orgasm during sex in her life. The same is true for men, though in a slightly different way. Sure, there are absolutely anatomical differences from person to person, but our ability to feel is one of our unifying experiences as human beings. 

This is where something called body armoring comes in. A function of somatic psychology, it was coined by psychotherapist William Reich, and it essentially reflects how much our minds impact our bodies. Those who've experienced mental illness, physical or emotional trauma, or any kind of intense emotional experiences during their lives are candidates for body armoring - AKA, basically everyone. 

Body armoring is essentially what going out in the cold feels like; you know how your whole body clenches and siezes up? It's essentially how many of us have learned to cope with the difficulties of life without even knowing it, and our genital regions are among the most susceptible to this holding pattern. Over time, it can harden the tissue, making sex often feel numb, or worse, painful.

I know so many of us have been there, wondering why things like penetration don't feel as good as we thought they would and wishing we could have the same kind of ecstatic experiences our comrades are having. The symptoms of pelvic body armoring include vaginal numbness, constipation (yep), IBS, hemorrhoids, poor circulation in your legs, and so much more. Sometimes lower chronic back pain can manifest, and sometimes people with genital body armoring have to seek out really, really intense sensations to feel much at all down there. The truth is, "trauma" can be something we consider to be simple or not that bad, like beginning penetration before we're ready or having sex with someone we're just not sure about. 

The good news is that there is much we can do to de-armor ourselves. In the words of Reich, "life energy pulsates," and reaching that relaxed state where things pulsate once again is within our reach. To do it, we have to stimulate these areas of numbness and tension in a really specific way. 

Devi Ward over at MindBodyGreen has a great ritual for it - one I do daily as a means of staying connected to myself. It's a little similar to orgasmic meditation, only it incorporates something called transference, which essentially means stimulating a numb or painful spot while simultaneously stimulating a spot that already feels good. You want to perform this ritual somewhere that feels safe and sensual, so go lie in your bed and light a candle, damn it. Then grab a lube and start touching yourself, starting slowly in erogenous zones near your clitoris or cock without actually touching them yet - you're just trying to relax and get yourself in the mood at this point, so don't rush it. Women hold a particular amount of emotion in their G-spots and cervixes, so this next part is for them. 

Then the fun starts! Breathing deeply and rhythmically throughout, start really stimulating yourself. Once you are starting to feel pretty aroused, you want to start moving inside your vagina. Starting at the opening, gently rub and press, stopping at spots that hurt or don't have any sensation. Hold your fingers there while you continue to rub your clit until the pain or numbness starts to dissipate, then keep moving. The goal is cover the full territory of your vagina and cervix. If you start to clench up, like many of us do when we masturbate, let go, take deep breaths, and then keep moving.  Really focus your attention on the sensations you're feeling instead of a fantasy that might normally get you off. 

This is a true process, so it's likely the first time you do it will not yield all the sensations you want it to, and that's ok. If you really wanna go big, you can sign up for de-armoring sessions with professionals. I know I'm gonna! 

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Dearest Fleshlings, I hate to end this piece with bad news, but this is my very last post as Colette Callaway. I am headed off on my next adventure, but I will certainly still be professionally writing about - and studying - sex. If you can find the real-world me (hint: my name is not really Colette, hehe), you are welcome to follow along! It has been beyond a pleasure to write for you here, and I appreciate all the ways you've interacted with what I've put out in the world. Go make me proud, folks!