Melissa Castagnoli in a Thong Bikini Might Be A Danger to the Public

How Many Beach Related Accidents Could Melissa Castagnoli's Ass Cause?

I’m just going to assume that Melissa Castagnoli is at a private beach with the public blocked off for about a five mile radius, which also includes five miles out to sea, because I don’t see how anyone would be able to do much of anything when they catch a glimpse Melissa Castagnoli thong bikini.  

I’m serious: Melissa Castagnoli’s ass could cause critical, life-threatening situations. Just imagine someone on a boat, way out at sea, turning its attention to the shore that contained Melissa Castagnoli in a thong bikini. Surely the captain of that boat would turn and head straight for Melissa Castagnoli only to cause the boat to run into the ground on the shore. And I promise you that wouldn’t be the only boat disaster resulting from Melissa Castagnoli in a bikini. Look, I’m not an ass guy, I’m a boob guy. And yet Melissa Castagnoli’s ass in this bikini has me rethinking all of my life choices—that’s how amazing it is. I can’t help but worry about the amount of boat accidents and people running into each other because they aren’t look where they going, craps caused by people trying to swim behind Melissa Castagnoli as she walked along the beach, and any other Melissa Castagnoli “ass-idents” that could happen because of her in this bikini.  

To those who may think that the only way to truly be safe at the beach and on the water is to have Melissa Castagnoli not wear a thong bikini, I say, “Don’t ever say such a terrible thing ever, ever again!”