Get Off to Silent Era Pornography
Fun fact: I just realized that I've had my headphones on for the last 30 minutes while watching silent porn. Speaking of old habits, the silent era hardcore porn of the early 20th century is a hedonist's haven, complete with lesbian sex, anal, that eager beaver in the GIF above, and . . . habit joke . . . horny nuns who go nuts for vag and cock alike!
Unless you and your grandpa were super sharey, it's easy to forget that the sweet release of grease to . . . er, teets (?) isn't original to those of us privileged enough to have the endless tatas tapas bar of porn called the Internet. Thanks to the counterculture of the 1910s and 1920s, as well as the wanting dicks of the world, we have these surprisingly hot pornographic films that have definitely stood the test of time.
As you'll notice in many of these scenes, the actors wore faux facial hair and plenty of costumes for fear of being recognized, and even persecuted. The three movies that we're going to look at today are safely preserved at The Kinsey Institute, a research facility at Indiana University dedicated to fucking.
A Free Ride
[jwplayer id="7278829"]
Via Vimeo
If you ever thought you had a clever porn name picked out, just wait until you see who the photographer is for this 9 minute video from 1915. "Will B. Hard" (people were just cooler back then, there's no way around it) had a lucky job as the cameraman, because he got to see two horny chicks get banged side by side by the same dude. In A Free Ride, a man comes across some girls while driving and decides to take a slit stop. The movie starts with:
In the wide open spaces, where 'men are men' and 'girls will be girls', the hills are full of romance and adventure.
I don't know how much romance is involved with jacking off to a stranger pissing, but I'll let you be the judge.
El Satario
[jwplayer id="7278831"]
Via Vimeo
Proving that seeing a bunch of hot naked chicks together is timeless, El Satario begins with some artful looks at girls just being girls in a field. Unbeknownst to them, Satan himself is lurking around the woods, just ready to ram them with his red tail. The devil can't get enough of his hairy situation, that is until the chicks beat him with sticks until he retreats back into the forest. It's not Citizen Kane, but at least he didn't just show up at the front door asking to fix their leaky pipes!
Mr. Abbott Bitt at the Convent
[jwplayer id="7278830"]
Via Vimeo
More than the previous two clips, the next video embraces the devil may care, sexually liberated attitude of the Roaring Twenties. Created in 1925, Mr. Abbott Bitt at the Convent goes for wide appeal with anal sex, blow jobs, eating out, and a lesbian sex / gay sex scene for the ages. These people DGAF!
Things start to get freaky in Convent when the cook, Mr. Dupédé, spies on two nuns going to town on each other at the dinner table. While he's watching the girls munch muff, Mr. Abbott himself comes out of nowhere and starts fucking Mr. Dupédé! The scene of the century comes when the ladies pull up the dinner table to Dupédé and we get a crazy glory hole human centipede for the ages! Are any of these videos doing it for you?
Via Dirge Magazine