CatalystCon Recap No. 1: How to Lube

Did you guys know I love lube?! Because you should by now. I write about it almost chance I get, personally own seven different flavors, and carry individual packets of it in my purse at all times (sometimes for me, and sometimes for my friends). So when I had the opportunity to attend Catalyst Con, a conference dedicated to sexuality, over the weekend and saw there would be a seminar dedicated to the slippery stuff, I just about freaked out. 

The seminar itself was held by Smitten Kitten, a really fantastic sex toy shop based in Minneapolis. Sarah Mueller, one of their lead sex educators and research developers, led the session, and It. Was. Incredible. It is sex nerd material at its finest, but as I hope I've taught you, lube can IMMENSELY improve an already incredible sex life. It's not just a substitute for natural wetness—it's something that can make sex more pleasurable for both parties, no matter how many of your own juices are flowing. 

A lot of the presentation was very technical, which is immensely appealing to me but perhaps not everyone's cup of tea, so I've paraphrased Sarah's material for you here. Like I said, this is a really revolutionary store, and this presentation was professionally researched and developed by the staff. 

Here's the skinny on the four kinds of lube (and how to use them), according to the Smitten Kitten info:

1. Water

• The most common lubricant.
• Similar to your natural juices.
• OK with toys and condoms, yay!
• It has preservatives, so more likely to cause irritation.

2. Oil

• Will actually hydrate your insides.
• Will last a little longer than water-based lube.
• Compatible with sex toys.
• NOT compatible with condoms, gloves, or dental dams.
• Takes the longest to exit your body. (AKA, not great for people prone to infections or yeast)

3. Silicone 

• Hypoallergenic.
• Not water-soluble, so ideal for shower/bath sex. 
• Safe for use with condoms.
• Not so safe for toys. 
• Lasts longer than water- and oil-based lube.
• Particularly good for anal.

4. Hybrid

• A mix between silicone- and water-based lube. 
• Is about halfway in between the two—lasts a medium duration, is pretty safe with toys, and is less irritating than water-based lube. 

There's another big thing you need to know, though: When you're getting slicked up and sticking it in, lube affects the cellular structure of your genitals and asshole thanks to how it transfers across cell membranes. Don't worry, though! There are ways to mitigate this. And one of them involves the word "osmolality."

For butt stuff

All right, friends, let's talk about pH! You know what it is, and you probably know that various parts of your body have various pH levels! The inside of your butt is different from the inside of your vag which is different from the outside of your peen, and you gotta get it right. (Why? Because lube that's too acidic will burn.)

Assholes are generally in the 6 or 7 range, and your average water-based lube is 4-5. Not all lubes list their pH levels, but the good one frequently will. 

For vag stuff 

Vaginas, on the other hand, have a lower pH—usually in the 3.5-5 range, making many lubes A OK. This changes when estrogen is low, like after menopause, and gives the vagina a higher pH. When this happens, it's time to change the lube strategy. 

WTF is osmolality?

That's what I said, but it's actually not terribly complicated. It basically refers to the concentration of water-based lube, as it will transfer across cell barriers. Because it can alter your cells, you want it to match those specific mucous membranes as best you can. If the osmolality is too low, your cells can literally explode (though this is not a violent process, I promise). If the osmolality is too high, the cells can dehydrate to the point that they die and slough off. 

The unfortunate thing is that almost every water-based based lube you buy at Walgreens is WAY too high. In this regard, most silicone- and oil-based lubes are fine).  

There are other things you should just put down before rubbing them on anyone's dick, and Sarah even provided a handout from the World Health Organization that details what you should never use with condoms, no matter how badly you want those Omega 3s: 

In fact, I'd argue that you should never use these things as lube at all, as I think would Sarah. 

My point in posting this business is not to freak you out about your lube drawer (What? You don't have a drawer?). It's just always a good idea to be aware of what you're putting inside your body—if you do it right, you can use lube to make your lower bits healthier and happier, too!