How To Tell Your Man That You Cheated…Ouch!

How To Tell Your Man That You Cheated...Ouch!

To tell, or not to tell. That is the question. Hey, Sexy Bitches! It's meeee! I don't know what is in the water lately, but a lot of y'all have been cheating up a storm on your man. Am I one to judge? Bitch please. I'm a self-proclaimed slut. But a slut with a big heart, and many of you have been writing in asking advice on your cheating, so I thought I'd just put one big column together.

First of all, do you tell your guy? Well, that is entirely up to you, but I can give my insight from my experience and from what you are telling me in your emails. Look, things can happen from time to time. You have to determine the scale of what you did. Did you jerk off in the gym shower with someone? Did you get tipsy and kiss some guy on the dance floor? Did you fuck the office intern? Did you get a blowjob in the park? These all have different motivations and levels of cheating. The biggest thing you have to ask yourself: is this bound to happen again? What is a result of long-term flirting or frustration? Most times, this will eat at you and might represent a bigger flaw in your relationship that you should address. Unless it was truly a brief moment of animalistic pleasure with a complete stranger, there is probably something else going on. I do know from some of my besties that little things have happened here and there that are truly isolated incidents and not part of a relationship failure. There is that saying, what you don't know can't hurt you. But again, depending on the level of cheating, it might hurt your man in the long run.

The only thing you do want to do is tell them in person, tell them when you have time and quiet to say what you want to say. Don't just shout it out during a fight, don't bring it up on the way to brunch, give it the levity it deserves, and tell your man you have to have a talk. Go into telling him prepared. You have some things you have to consider before you tell him what happened.

Above all, you did something wrong, so you have to let him react how he is going to react. All you can do throughout the telling him of your cheating ways is tell him how much you care about him and that you are sorry about what you did. Keep that always as part of the conversation. But you have to allow him to get angry, to get hurt, and give him the time and opportunity to respond.

Before going in, you have to determine what you want to get out of telling him. Do you want his forgiveness? Do you want to break up? And be honest...could this happen again? What made you cheat? Are there issues with your current relationship? You can't blame relationship issues for your cheating; that's the cheap way out. You did what you did all alone. But you can say you want to work on the relationship. If you cheated because you have a breakup coming on, just tell him all at once. Rip off that band-aid. Above all, never blame your man for your cheating. That's a cop out. Don't be a dick and transfer the blame or gaslight him. You did the deed. Hope it was worth it!

If you want to stay together, what will you be willing to do to save the relationship? You can say goodbye to having his trust after cheating. There will always be something at the back of his head thinking you are cheating if you are late, if you are in a bad mood, or if you don't want to have sex. Once you've cheated, there's really no going back fully. So be prepared for him to "own" you for a long time if he forgives you. Are you willing to work harder on the relationship? Are you willing to hand over your phone periodically? Figure all this out before telling him. What lengths are you willing to go to to make sure you don't cheat again? Therapy? Don't make empty promises.

Spare him the intimate details. He may ask for the sordid facts, but the more you tell, the more you are going to hurt him. You can just reiterate that it was a mistake and that you would like to move on together, and you are willing to do more than your part. If you cheated on him with someone from your circle, be prepared for some major upset. It is a funny fact that guys who cheat with strangers are seen as better than cheating with someone you know.

Be prepared to suffer. LOL. No matter how your man decides to move forward, you will be the jerk for a very long time. Own it. He may want you out of the house, he may want a separation, he may want to break up and tell all of his friends about what you did (they, in turn, will treat you like a jerk), or he may even take to social media. He's hurt, and he is going to lash out. You have to let him have his time. He might need some time to clear his head and decide what he wants to do in moving on. Give him some time and space. All you can do is reiterate your love, your sorrow, and your willingness to work on things.

Telling your man that you cheated is all about having respect for the truth in a relationship. Put yourself in his position. How would you want to be told? How would you react? What would you want to hear from his perspective? This doesn't have to be the end of the relationship, but it isn't going to be easy.

If your man wants to cheat on you to get back, give him my email. I'm more than happy to help out.

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