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It takes precisely 15 seconds to scroll past a TikTok telling you “how to make her come using your breath.” Dear reader, it takes a lifetime, not a tap, to understand what it really means to be a skilled, present lover. Today, we’re awash in digital sex advice, quirky, hyper-paced, sometimes helpful, sometimes hilariously misinformed, and often out of context. Algorithms are creepy little creatures, and they know what we’ll click on.
And while this explosion of attention toward sex-positive content is, in many ways, a win (especially after decades of shame, silence, and abstinence-only nonsense), I think we also need to ask: what kind of sex are we being taught to have? And is this constant stream of “three tips to fix your sex life” bringing us closer to pleasure, or just deeper into performance?
@nicole_thesexprofessor 3 Sex Tips for Couples #Sexuality #SeggsEducation #EmbraceSexuality ♬ original sound - Dr. Nicole K. McNichols
Bite-sized sex advice has its place, but it can’t hold real depth. But let’s be fair. There’s immense value in short-form content that teaches intimacy, clitoral anatomy, dispels myths about orgasm, normalizes kink, or simply says “it’s okay to want pleasure.” For many, especially younger people or sexual late bloomers, these viral clips are a first taste of non-shaming, inclusive, pleasure-focused language. That matters.
@melrobbins These are the 3️⃣ things you need to start implementing into your life to have a better sex life. On this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, you're getting the most important sex advice you need to hear is renowned sex therapist and bestselling author, Vanessa Marin (@Vanessa + Xander Marin). Listen now! 🎧 "Your Guide to Better Sex, Intimacy, & Love From a World-Leading Sex Therapist." #melrobbins #melrobbinspodcast #sexadvice #sextherapist ♬ original sound - Mel Robbins
We’re not knocking entry-level sex ed here; we’re questioning what happens when the entry point becomes the end point. When the appetite is sparked but never nourished. When the advice that goes viral flattens sex down to a formula: “Say this…” “Do that…” “Hit this pressure point and she'll be obsessed.”
Intimacy becomes a cause-and-effect relationship, not a dance. Pleasure becomes a checklist to master, not a space to inhabit.
@callherdaddyIntimacy and connection is more than sex
These hacks may feel empowering, but they often end up being transactional. They address sexual technique, not sexual being. And as anyone who’s ever had bad sex with someone technically skilled will tell you, being “good at sex” is about far more than where you put your tongue.
It’s tempting to contrast today’s TikTok sex culture with the “sacred” depth of ancient practices like Tantra or Taoist eroticism. After all, these traditions emphasized presence, connection, slowness, and energy; things the algorithm doesn’t monetize well. Back then, sex was not just for recreation or reproduction, but also a vehicle for spiritual expansion and embodied awareness.
But let’s not romanticize ancient wisdom into utopian fantasy. Tantra and Taoist sexology are vast systems, often encoded in esoteric language, cultural norms, and patriarchal structure. Many Tantric texts emphasize heterosexual union as a cosmic pairing of Shiva (consciousness) and Shakti (energy), rooted in dualistic gender dynamics. Taoist sex manuals often prioritized male longevity and spiritual power, with techniques like semen retention framed around maintaining masculine vitality, sometimes at the cost of female pleasure or mutual benefit.
So yes, these traditions carry wisdom, but they also carry baggage.
And yet, even with their imperfections, what they offer that the modern sex content ecosystem often doesn’t is an invitation to intentionality, to slowness, to depth, to a relationship with the self, with the body, with the ripple of energy moving through sensation. That’s the piece no “3-second tip” can give you.
Social media isn't built for nuance. It’s built for engagement. That means that creators (even well-meaning educators) are incentivized to be snappy, stunning, and semi-revolutionary in thirty seconds or less.
The result is a landscape of content that leans heavily toward visual spectacle and listicle-style delivery. Think edited moans, sultry lighting, body tips that look empowering but are often closer to self-optimization than liberation.
Sexual communication becomes scripting: “Say this one dirty thing and she’ll be more turned on than ever.” Seduction becomes strategy. Aesthetic becomes currency. But where is the conversation about the moment when two people fall into each other, not because the angles aligned, but because something true unfurled?
Viral advice that prioritizes reaction over relationship trains us to perform, not to feel, not to listen, and certainly not to unkink the deeper currents of desire, shame, intuition, and communication that real sexual growth demands.
Now, let’s break another binary: It’s not ancient versus modern. It’s not Tantra good, TikTok bad. It’s about integration.
Incredible sex therapy exists today. Trauma-informed educators are more accessible than ever. There are workshops, podcasts, somatic sex coaches, peer-reviewed resources, Instagram educators, and yes, even TikTok creators, offering bold, inclusive, evidence-based advice that far surpasses what’s framed as “trendy.”
None of the modern understanding of consent, neurodiversity in intimacy, LGBTQ+ pleasure mapping, and kink trauma healing comes from ancient texts. The goal isn’t to go backwards to sacred tradition; it’s to go deeper than the algorithm allows. To distinguish between content that introduces us to a concept and the practices that embody it.
The sex you long for, the kind you think about a week after it happens, the type that unravels something old and plants something new, that sex? It doesn’t come from a quick tip. It comes from the parts of you no video can reach. From being present in your body. From taking your time. From releasing the pressure of performance to follow pleasure’s meandering map, wherever it dares to go. That’s what the ancients got right. That’s what much of social media forgets.
Please take the tips that serve you. Use the tools that open the door. But don't mistake a 60-second video for a sexual philosophy. If you want sex that doesn’t just function, but elevates, step off the scroll, and step into something slower. Something sacred. Whether it's Tantra, therapy, trauma-healing, or a lover who sees you with their whole body.
The best sex lives beyond the feed. And you, dear reader, are already wired for it.
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