Threesomes, Polyamory, and the Myth of Sexual Enlightenment

Why Non-Monogamy Doesn’t Equal Sexual Enlightenment

Sleeping with more people doesn’t make you spiritually woke, just horny (which is also valid). Dear reader, I love a good orgy as much as the next pleasure-positive pervert, but we need to talk about the big fat myth of sexual enlightenment. Polyamorous? Cool. Into threesomes? Love that for you. But let’s not kid ourselves: non-monogamy isn’t some golden ticket to sexual Nirvana. The myth of sexual enlightenment has us believing that more partners, kinkier orgies, or ethically non-monogamous dynamics automatically equal better sex and deeper intimacy.

Spoiler alert: they don’t. Not automatically.

The idea that just trying alternative relationship styles makes you superior or “evolved” in bed is the wellness version of douchebaggery. Monogamy isn’t basic. Polyamory isn’t enlightened. And having a threesome doesn’t mean you’ve now ascended to the temple of tantric climax. Let’s unpack this messy fantasy and get real about what makes for transcendent, mind-blowing sex.

What Is the Myth of Sexual Enlightenment?

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Discovering Polyamory (@discoveringpolyamory)

The myth of sexual enlightenment is the belief that once you break free from sexual “norms” (i.e., vanilla monogamy), you’re automatically more conscious, more compassionate, and more connected, a kind of sexy sage among the less adventurous.

Like the guy who tried shibari one time and suddenly thinks he’s a Tantric priest… non-monogamy and exploratory sex are deeply worthwhile pursuits. But conflating these with intrinsic growth, wisdom, or sexual genius? That’s where things get slippery in all the wrong ways.

Why This Myth Persists

Non-monogamy offers compelling stories… juicy, edgy ones. Everyone wants to be the sex-positive hero of their own story. Plus, there’s status in saying, “I've evolved beyond monogamy.” After all, monogamy has been culturally portrayed as dull, outdated, or something people settle for. So, we elevate polyamory, kink, and group sex as if they’re intellectual pursuits or spiritual journeys. However, experimental doesn't mean emotionally mature.

Want Better Sex? Try These Instead of Just More People

If spiritual sex mastery were awarded based on numbers alone, porn performers would be our therapists (and honestly, maybe some of them should be). Real sexual “enlightenment,” if that’s what we want to call it, comes from qualities you can cultivate, no matter how many hands are in the room.

• Curiosity over conquest: Ask, explore, play. Real freaky confidence is built on being interested, not just interesting.
• Communication that’s actually about feelings: Not just boundaries and logistics. What turns you on isn't just a safe word; it's emotional closeness, fantasy, and yes, occasional insecurities.
• Erotic empathy: Can you read vibes? Follow pleasure? Pick up on what someone's body is telling you without a checklist? That? That's sexy brilliance.
• Self-awareness around desire: Not just what you want, but why you want it. Angling for a threesome because you're bored isn’t necessarily wrong, but if you're doing it to avoid closeness with a partner, let's unpack that.
• Depth over diversity: The hottest sex doesn't come from novelty alone, it’s layered, textured, relational. You could have the same partner for 20 years and still be discovering new flavors of nasty together. That’s the real mindblower.

The next time someone tells you that monogamous people “don’t get it,” or that they “can’t imagine going back to only one person” with that smug little smirk, please remind them that being emotionally intelligent and sexually aware isn’t about how many connection points you have—it’s about how connected you are to any of them at all.

The truth? The most sexually enlightened person in the room might be the one with a single partner, five cuddly cats, and the best damn aftercare snacks you've ever tasted. Or it could be the orgy host with a safe word tattooed on their thigh and a calendar full of check-ins. It’s not about the structure; it’s about the substance.

So yes, fuck in groups, explore polyamory, push your edges. But don’t wear it like a crown. The throne you’re sitting on might just be a pile of unread feelings held up by two exhausted secondaries and a self-help book you never finished. Sexual wisdom isn’t something you fuck your way into. It’s something you cultivate in bed, in conversation, in recovery, and in self-honesty.

BECOME THE BEST LOVER YOU CAN BE