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Dear reader, we’ve all been there: fresh heartbreak, puffy eyes, a playlist full of sad girl bangers, and suddenly you're DMing someone you ghosted last fall. Fifteen hours later, they’re inside you, and so is the crushing realization that rebound sex might not be the orgasmic cleanse it’s marketed to be. Sex after a breakup is basically the spiritual equivalent of eating a pint of ice cream while crying, technically delicious, emotionally volatile, and often followed by regret.
So, if rebound sex rarely makes us feel better in the long run, why do we keep treating it like a cure-all? Why do we expect a stranger (or worse, a “recycled” situationship) to suck out all the grief our ex left behind? Let’s untangle the myth of hookup-as-healer and admit that sometimes getting under someone else buries what we’re feeling.
The appeal of rebound sex is undeniable: you feel rejected, unwanted, and maybe even invisible. Someone else's eager attention becomes a mirror that says, “You’re still hot, you’re still wanted, your ex was clearly the delusional one.” It’s a rush. A little revenge. A little body reclaiming ceremony with moaning… Until it’s not.
Because here’s the dirty little truth about rebound sex: it doesn’t help you heal, it just keeps you busy enough to ignore the fact that you haven’t. You may think you’re cleansing your ex out of your system with every sweaty thrust, but more often than not, you're just re-traumatizing yourself by seeking validation from someone who… isn’t them.
And you feel it immediately after. That echo of “What am I even doing?” followed by "I hope they don’t text me tomorrow" and "I definitely need to wash these sheets."
Psychologists have investigated rebound sex, and the results are a mixed bag with a high-risk zipper. Some people can benefit emotionally from rebound hookups, especially if those people were less emotionally invested in the previous relationship or already had secure attachment styles.
But for many, rebound sex adds confusion on top of grief. It can lower self-esteem, delay actual closure, and in some cases, even create unhealthy emotional attachments with the new person—aka, new trauma to go with your heartbreak hangover.
Therapists agree that using new intimacy to “get over” someone else is like using tequila to cure the flu. It’ll distract you. It might even make you laugh. But you’re still sick in the morning.
Because it feels like progress. Because it looks like resilience. Because we’ve all been taught that the best way to win a breakup is to be wanted FAST.
Hookup culture rewards the illusion of emotional availability. Social media performs sexy independence like an Olympic sport. Your ex posts a gym thirst trap? Suddenly, you're on dating apps saying, “just looking for something casual” when you’re actually one IKEA trip from sobbing in a bathrobe.
Haven’t we all fallen for the marketing? Spent a night with someone we don’t care about just to prove we’re still desirable? Rebound sex doesn’t fix what’s broken. It just hides it behind an orgasm for 12–36 minutes.
Here’s the thing: you can have sex after a breakup, but it doesn’t have to be rebound sex.
But sex as a weapon? As a shield? As a stand-in for soul work? That’s rebound sex. And it's not only unsatisfying, it can be emotionally regressive AF.
Instead? Try:
Sex can be sacred. It can be chaotic. It can be mind-melting and decadent. However, when we use it to try to erase someone who mattered, it loses its significance. The intimacy isn’t real. The connection is foggy. And worse, it lets our trauma ride shotgun, fully naked, and totally ignored.
Let’s stop pretending that rebound sex is empowering, edgy, or “healing” just because we’re the ones ordering an Uber to someone’s place. There’s no shame in needing softness. There is harm in calling our pain empowering just because it ends in a climax. The worst part of rebound sex isn't that it won’t make you stop missing your ex.
Here’s the part everyone skips past: Rebound sex doesn’t work because it isn’t based on reality. It’s fueled by fantasy, absence, hurt, and avoidance, not genuine desire, connection, or fun. Yes, it sometimes feels fantastic in the moment. Yes, it can work for some people when done with honesty and clarity. But for most of us? It’s emotional junk food: comforting, crunchy, and followed by stomachache and dread.
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