Dating Apps for Cougars on the Hunt

Cougars, Jaguars, Panthers, Dating Apps, Love, and Lust.

Dating is never easy even for women and especially not for women 40 years of age and older. Online and app-based dating makes things a little easier but, as they say, the odds are good but the goods are odd. It’s not so much that the technology doesn’t hold promise as it is that it requires some research to determine the right app for the right kind of dating.

By the time a woman turns 40, chances are good that she has some dating experience under her belt. Whether divorced, widowed, a history of romantic/sexual cohabitation, or lots of dates with no commitments, she’s seen things. By 40+, a woman may have children, aging parents, health issues, and other obligations that she did not need to factor into her romantic landscape earlier in her life. Add to that the fact that it’s more difficult to meet eligible potential partners as we leave behind the raves, house parties, after-work cocktail hours, blind dates, and casual bar hook-ups. PTA meetings, church socials, and self-help groups can only get a grown-up girl so far, which is why dating apps and sites provide some relief and an opportunity to expand their circle of acquaintances.

While far from perfect, online dating algorithms at least help a woman of a certain age winnow the possibilities down to men (or women) who might be compatible, not just in the same room at the same time. Because of this, it’s important for women searching for love or lust with a dating app to remember that the people they meet or consider meeting may also have children, busy professional lives, past relationships, and possibly a divorce or three. If those are deal-breakers, it's best to swipe left and leave the drama for your mama, who might also find a new love via dating app.

Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, is a professor of sexual and interpersonal communications at California State University, Fullerton. She recommends various dating apps to increase the odds a match will result in a love, lust, or friends-with-benefits connection for those in the Cougar (40-49), Jaguar (50-59), Panther (60-68), Pussycat (69), and beyond age ranges.

Best for Women with Initiative
Bumble

One of the most annoying things for women who use dating apps and sites is the barrage of men who message them without bothering to read their profiles first. What is supposed to be a pleasure becomes a full-time job letting people down gently. Bumble ups the odds of a genuine match by letting the ladies talk first. According to Suwinyattichaiporn, another positive is that the “algorithm is more conservative in terms of how many matches it shows and how many data points have to match for these profiles to be shown on your account.” That’s right, this is dating for adults based on real science. It’s a free service, where optional add-ons boost the cost substantially.

Best for Women Who Seek Commitment
eHarmony

This is the premier site for “women in their forties that are looking for something a little bit more serious,” according to Suwinyattichaiporn. Part of the reason for this is the long, thorough questionnaire each member fills out to improve the algorithm’s chance of finding a suitable mate. If nothing else, there’s reassurance that the men eHarmony recommends know how to commit to something and see it through to the end. The professor further opines that there is a good balance of men and women looking for love, and the fact it’s not inexpensive to join (six months is the shortest time to sample the goods) means the other dating hopefuls will want to get their money’s worth of life partner.

Best for Women Who Want Multiples
Feeld

Sometimes relationships are “complicated,” but not in a bad way. Not everyone thrives within monogamy. For those people, there is Feeld, which specializes in helping non-monogamous and polyamorous people find other non-monogamous and poly people available to friend, fuck, or flirt with meaningfully. It’s quite exhaustively queer-inclusive, too, with more than 20 sexuality and gender choices to identify with. Kinky folk who hopefully have their jealousy in check are also looking to meet people and play. Free with add-ons available for a fee, it’s a budget-friendly dating option that doesn’t make members wonder when the last time their latest crush bothered to visit the app.

Best for Women in the Big City
Hinge

Not everyone is hot to jump back into a serious relationship. If something more “playful” is in order, Suwinyattichaiporn recommends Hinge. According to the good Doctorate, there are multiple opportunities for a randy peri or post-menopausal woman to strut their creativity. These include photo options and prompts in the profile setting that allow users to “show more humor and personality.” Those who travel can change the area they want to hunt in and the algorithm will produce results, with big cities doing better than smaller locales. Basic Hinge is free with paid add-ons and full memberships are quite reasonably priced.

Best for Women Who Want an O.G.
Match

It was 1995. The women dabbling or dedicated to dating today were either too young or just the right age to check out this crazy new internet thing and meet new people. Freshly introduced to that brave new virtual world was Match. The O.G. of dating apps has invested a lot of time and energy into outreach to and an understanding of the 40-something crowd. It’s ideal for those who want a long-term love connection. The free account allows a generous 26 photos on each profile and members can winnow their searches by filling out the personal preference sections. More than that is going to cost. Paid add-ons are available, as well as Standard and Premium membership levels. Joining is an investment, but not a break-the-bank investment. What it is, is a green flag that suggests most prospective sweethearts are serious about their search.

Best for Women Open to Anything
OkCupid

Once a woman reaches 40, the pressure to conform tends to decrease. Stereotypes aside, the responsibilities and learning curves associated with babies and starter marriages are faint memories but the lessons from them are front and center. Some women are dating in hopes of finding someone “traditional” path to partnership, but others are ready to explore less conventional roles and relationship configurations. For them, Suyinyattichaiporn recommends OkCupid. Packed with fun personality quizzes to improve matches, the site is decidedly polyamory, queer, and kink friendly. A Standard membership is free. Basic, Premium, and Incognito memberships are available for a not unreasonable monthly fee.

Best for Women Seeking a Higher Body Count
Tinder

Everyone has heard of Tinder and everyone knows exactly why people sign up for it. Sex. Dates. Lots of each. As Suwinyattichaiporn observes, “In dating, sometimes it’s a numbers game.” Tinder is the place to find large numbers of people interested in getting down, getting funky, and sometimes even getting married. There are a lot of fish in this app, so chances are good that a woman’s swipe left finger will get a workout during the dating search. This means that it’s important to brace for a lot of “no” votes before finding Mr. Right Now. Price is reasonable and, just like the hook-ups, membership commitments don’t need to be long.

Best for Women with Money to Burn
The League

By the time women hit 40, many of them have things mostly under control, including their finances. For those special dating dames, there is The League. Compatible or not, everyone using this service has money. It’s even more elite than CBGB, with a formal application and waiting list. Those granted entry will shell out three C-notes for the most basic access to these beau monde happy hunting grounds, but once they arrive, they can guarantee potential mates are well-educated, exhaustingly vetted, and, as Suwinyattichaiporn says, “quite serious about finding someone.” There is a free Basic level with more limited daily matches, preferences, and personality profile questions, for those who want to try before they buy. Memberships are renewed monthly