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Sexsomnia. Sleep sex. It’s a hot fantasy but a horrible reality. People with sexsomnia go to sleep like everyone else does, but sometimes they wake up to find that while they were asleep, they had sex with someone. Hopefully, it was someone they knew and who wanted to have sex with them. That’s not always how it works out, though.
Sexsomnia is still something of a mystery. Not a lot is known about the causes, and there is no standard guide for treatment of this sleeping disorder. Given its intimate nature, many sufferers likely don’t know they have it, while embarrassment keeps others from telling anyone, including their doctor. Many do not even realize that anything unusual goes on during their sleep cycles. The Sleep Foundation estimates that nearly eight percent of sleep center patients were symptomatic for the condition, with men three times more likely to be diagnosed with it than women.
Because of this, it is difficult to know how many people struggle with what the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) considers an example of automatism, like sleepwalking and night terrors. According to The Independent, a 2020 research study found a mere 116 clinical cases listed in the available medical literature. Further examples of automatism include reflexes, spasms, convulsions, epilepsy, behavior while suffering from low-blood sugar (aka hypoglycaemia), and other actions performed without a conscious decision.
Sexsomniacs who live and sleep alone but are not ambitious enough to sleepwalk are more likely to keep their hands to themselves. By this, I mean that they masturbate, moan, breathe heavily, perspire, may have a spontaneous orgasm, talk dirty, are oblivious of the world around them, are difficult or impossible to wake up, and don’t remember anything about any of it when they do emerge from their restless slumber. Women are more likely to masturbate. Unsurprisingly, regardless of the configuration of the afflicted person’s genitals, heavy self-stimulators sometimes find that their bits suffer from abrasions that they can’t explain.
Sexomniacs who live or sleep with other people have more opportunities to explore and then forget about them once they awaken. They may do nothing more than indulge in self-pleasure. They may thrust, fondle, or rub against their bed partner. With glassy eyes or a blank stare, they may unconsciously reach over and initiate foreplay. Sometimes accompanied with conversation and sometimes in silence they may engage in full on fucking. In some cases, they can become aggressive. If they’re mobile, they may walk to another room and start in with whomever is available. Consent or even the ability to consent is not required.
Because of this, sexsomnia became part of legal terminology in the 1840s.
Understandably, once known to exist, the condition can result in a considerable amount of emotional distress in addition to any criminal charges. Although sexsomnia behavior is irregular and episodic, that is cold comfort for most sufferers, especially those who have or hope to have a healthy sexual-romantic relationship.
Medical News Today states that certain medical conditions can also increase the chance a person develops or expresses sexsomnia because they encourage sleep disturbances that postpone rapid eye movement (REM). These include Kleine-Levin syndrome, restless leg syndrome, narcolepsy, chronic insomnia, teeth grinding, gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD), irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), sleep-related epilepsy and seizure disorders, Crohn’s, colitis, ulcers, migraines, head trauma, Parkinson’s, sleep-associated dissociative disorders, and persistent sexual arousal syndrome. A youthful or adult history of sleepwalking or talking is often reported.
Considering how little actual research has been done on this condition, there is still not a lot known about it, so it tends to be treated based on symptoms. Sleep clinics often see clients suspected of having sexsomnia. CPAP machines can be prescribed. Clonazepam and antidepressants are sometimes helpful. The goal is to resolve a brain disruption called a confusion arousal that takes place when the mind of the afflicted sleeper moves between deep sleep cycles.
In addition to sleep clinics and mellowing medications, there are also lifestyle changes that can be helpful when treating sexsomnia. Chief among them is to avoid excessive alcohol, recreational drugs, and stress. That last is easier recommended than followed. Demanding or oddly scheduled work, relationship difficulties, medical ailments, certain prescriptions, too much partying, untreated obstructive sleep apnea, and a lot of travel can all result in exhaustion, anxiety, and most importantly, poor sleep or too little good sleep. Add another warm body in bed or nearby, and if an episode does result, the chances of something going wrong increase.
On the plus side, a 2007 study found that the conscious sex partner, while often angry or unnerved, observed that their sexsomnia sweetie took more time, was gentler, and made more of an effort to please them. There are better ways to improve our sex lives, though.
Ultimately, the best way to avoid sexsomnia episodes, or at least make them less frequent, is to get a good night’s sleep. Keep the bedroom comfortable and comforting. Adjust the light levels so they contribute to continued, restful sleep. Make sure the mattress and pillows provide proper support and that it is easy to breathe. If sleepwalking that could result in sleep-fucking is a problem, couples can opt to sleep in their own rooms, install door locks, or even alarms.
This may sound double plus unerotic, but an environment where everyone feels safe from an unexpected sexsomnia episode has a much greater chance to also feel sexy. Couples who enjoy kinky role-play scenarios and clear communication prior to an encounter may even be able to incorporate the locks and alarms and separate rooms into a uniquely exciting and consensual exploration into the lascivious possibilities.
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