Straight Dudes: Listen to the Lesbians

It’s Official, Lesbians Know How to Make Women Cum

You can learn a lot from lesbians, especially if what you want to learn is how to increase the sexual pleasure of your female partner, with the bonus of at least one orgasm. Given that American women still experience the downside of the “orgasm gap” when engaged in heterosexual sex, maybe the answer can’t be found within heterosexual circles. Fortunately, you can learn a lot from lesbians.

Orgasm Research and Findings

Science has been consistent in its findings that most straight women don’t start to enjoy straight sex until they reach menopause. A Public Health England survey of 7,000 women revealed that half of all respondents between the ages of 25 – 34 weren’t getting much positive out of their sex lives. On the other hand, women from 55 – 64 years of age were having the times of their sex lives, with 71 percent of them speaking well of their partners’ capabilities.

An earlier study by the Journal of Sexual Medicine had learned that women who have sex with other women had orgasms 75 percent of the time. Heterosexual women? They lagged with 61 percent. Interestingly, it didn’t matter whether the men involved with the study were straight or gay; they all had at least an 85 percent success rate. Things improved slightly for straight women in a later Kinsey Institute study of 53,000 households. Lesbians continued to stun with an orgasm report of 86 percent. That was nothing compared to the straight men, who were able to boast a 95 percent rate of orgasms during intercourse. Straight women pulled up the rear at 65 percent.

Research conducted on the subject during 2024 and published in Social Psychological and Personality Science suggests that some of the difference between the amount of orgasmic satisfaction experienced by lesbians and heterosexual woman is in their heads. It’s not just the heads of straight women, however. All of us have what are called “scripts” that run through our minds and tell us what to expect from life experiences. Sex is no different. Churches, society at large, television programs, movies, and porn all trend toward one heterosexual stereotype: it’s not sex unless a penis goes into a vagina and it’s over once the man has ejaculated.

What Else is There?

The answer to that question obviously depends on how much value a man places on the pleasure of his female partner. If he considers it important, then he needs to move beyond the pole-in-the-hole-and-squirt routine. That’s where the lesbians come in. Not literally, but as advisors on matters gynosexual. After all, not only do lesbians have more orgasms than straight women, but they also have a comparable number when compared to men. Whatever is happening isn’t biological. Lesbians are not magically or genetically different from straight or bisexual women.

Gentlemen, Meet the Clitoris: If there were only one erogenous zone on a woman’s body, most would say it’s their Clitoris. If there are two lessons men can learn from bisexual women and lesbians, it’s where to find the clit and what to do with it once they’ve found it. Statistically, women who have sex with other women, whether all the time or on occasion, receive more clitoral stimulation. They also invest more time and energy into their pursuit of orgasm, and they expect to experience an orgasm for their efforts, which they do. Women who have sex with men too often have their clits largely ignored, don’t receive much time or attention toward their satisfaction, and don’t expect to have an orgasm, which they don’t.

Men who don’t want to put in the effort are likely to encounter resistance from bisexual women, who have higher standards than most straight women when it comes to getting off. As the 2024 study observed, “This heterosexual script prioritizes the man’s orgasm, as intercourse alone is associated with the lowest orgasm frequency for women.”

Oral and Aural Sex: In other words, men, it ain’t all about your dick. Whether it’s up to the task or not, there are many things that can be done to stimulate a woman’s body. Lesbians and bisexual women aren’t the only ones who can find them, either. That’s not just because they have similar bodies but because the talk to each other about sex before, during, and after sex. Straight couples are far less likely to do so. There’s a script for that, after all. The script says that only sluts talk about sex and that men instinctively know how to fuck.

That script is a big part of the problem. Not only does it lead to sexually unsatisfied and emotionally distant women, but it also leaves a lot of men feeling unmanly. Even young men come to realize that erections appear and disappear on their own schedules. As they age, men often find the become even less reliable. Fortunately, most men have two highly effective things that lesbians have: hands and a mouth with a tongue in it. Not only can that tongue learn its way around a clit and a set of pussy lips, but it can also help a couple share what feels good, what feels better, and what is never to be felt again.

In Conclusion

Lesbians may currently have the corner of the market on inspiring orgasms in other women, but it’s not because they are magical creatures but because they do not run “heteronormative” sex tapes through their heads while giving head. Orgasms are welcome but not so much a goal that must be achieved by penetration. Instead, the focus is on overall pleasure, satisfaction, and emotional connection for both partners.

Thinking outside of the box, so to speak, is the key to intimacy on both a physical and emotional level. When the entire body is available for at least discussion, the possibilities for pleasure begin to expand. While women tend to feel more comfortable talking to other women about sex than they do men, that is not carved in stone. The more men who ask sincere questions, actively listen to explanations, discuss boundaries, are aware of triggers, and refuse to slut shame their female partners, the better sex will be for everybody.

Perhaps the most important lesson we can learn from lesbians is simply this: There is more than one way to have sex.