Are We Really Sex-Positive?

Are We Sex-Positive? Let’s Explore the Limits of Sexual Acceptance in Society Today

Dear reader, let’s talk about being sex-positive. In theory, it champions the idea that all consensual sexual expression is valid, celebrated, and free from shame. It’s an empowering vision, one that’s helped drive everything from better sex education to mainstream conversations about kink and ethical porn.

But here’s the problem: for a society that claims to be more open than ever, we’re still remarkably good at shaming certain sexual choices. We’ll applaud some expressions but side-eye others. We’ll champion “body liberation” but still bristle at full-service sex work. If we’re sincere, we can admit that even virtual sex work is subject to harsh criticism.

How many times have we seen a headline like “OnlyFans Girl Does X” because it’s more scandalous than saying “Karen from Florida Does X”? So, are we as sex-positive as we think we are, or are we just picking and choosing which sexual choices we consider respectable?

Sex-Positivity: What It Should Mean

At its core, sex-positivity is about embracing sexuality as a natural, healthy part of life. It encourages enthusiastic consent, informed exploration, and the rejection of shame tied to desire—whether that desire is for vanilla missionary, hardcore BDSM, or erotically charged clown roleplay (no judgment, dear reader, you do you). But true sex-positivity means supporting all consensual sexual expressions, not just the ones that align with our comfort zones. Here’s where things get tricky.

Where Society Still Fails at Sex-Positivity

Even in our supposedly open-minded culture, sexual shaming is alive and well. It’s just gotten sneakier. Let’s look at some of the ways sex-negativity still creeps into our world.

Ever noticed how conversations about sex-positivity still favor the “palatable” and “socially acceptable” forms of sexual expression?

• A woman exploring vanilla sex with multiple partners? Liberated and empowered!
• A woman enjoying consensual degradation in BDSM? Let’s send her healing vibes.

Similarly, discussing sex in an academic panel is “progressive,” but a sex worker sharing their real-world experience is often dismissed as “promoting an industry.” The message? Some expressions of sexuality are respectable, while others make people uncomfortable, and discomfort often leads to judgment.

Sex-positivity means backing all forms of healthy, consensual sexual exploration, not just the ones that align with mainstream feminism, vanilla preferences, or intellectual debates.

Kink is cool… until it isn’t.

• Thanks to social media and pop culture, kink discourse has hit the mainstream. Shows like Bonding, celebrities showing off harnesses on the red carpet, and jokes about “mommy” and “daddy” kinks on TikTok suggest newfound acceptance. But dig deeper, and you’ll find the limits of that acceptance.
• Light BDSM aesthetics, faux-edgy dynamics, and Fifty Shades-level watered-down kink are acceptable. What’s shamed? More extreme kinks like age play (within legal bounds) or CNC-style roleplay.

People love kink until it makes them uncomfortable. But the whole point of sex-positivity is that we don’t need to enjoy or understand something to respect that others do. As long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual (SSC) or risk-aware consensual kink (RACK), no one should be shamed for loving what they love.

If society were truly sex-positive, we’d fully embrace sex workers, right? Yet, sex work remains one of the most stigmatized professions on the planet. Sure, people love erotic content. They follow OnlyFans creators, consume adult entertainment, and enjoy spicy TikTok accounts. But do they publicly defend the rights of sex workers? Do they fight against unfair censorship, de-platforming, or the laws that criminalize their livelihood? Often, the answer is no.

Non-monogamy still gets the side-eye.

Casual sex? Relatable. Serial dating? You go, queen. Polyamory, relationship anarchy, or swinging? Suddenly, it’s, “Oh, but what about jealousy?” Again, you don’t have to be into whatever they are… don’t yuck anyone’s (legal) yum.

Despite the growing visibility of ethical non-monogamy, many people still see it as unstable, morally suspect, or a phase before settling into “the real thing” (read: monogamy). Polyamorous folks regularly face everything from outright discrimination to condescending “you just haven’t found the right one yet” comments.

If non-monogamy is consensual, respectful, and fulfilling for those involved, why should it threaten anyone who prefers monogamy? The idea that love and sex must fit into strict, pre-approved structures is more about control than true sex-positivity.

How Can We Do Better?

A truly sex-positive society doesn’t gatekeep which desires, identities, or professions deserve respect and which don’t. If we want to live in a culture that actually supports sexual freedom, we need to: avoid policing “acceptable” expressions of sexuality.

• Recognize the hypocrisy in media depictions of sex and kink. We consume it, but do we support those who create it?
• Stop looking down on sex workers. Sex work is real work. Period.
• Respect ALL relationship structures.
• Educate ourselves; sex-positivity isn’t just about cheering for what’s trendy; it’s about real advocacy.
• True sex-positivity isn’t about your personal preferences. It’s about supporting everyone’s right to explore their sexuality without shame, judgment, or social consequences, so long as it’s safe and consensual.

So, dear reader, next time you hear yourself cringing at a particular kink, dismissing a sex worker’s perspective, or side-eyeing a polycule, pause and ask yourself: Am I actually sex-positive, or just comfortable with the sexy stuff that fits my worldview?

BECOME THE BEST LOVER YOU CAN BE