Masturbation: A “Play the Home Game” Interactive Tutorial Pt. 2

Relax and Let Your Left Hand Know What Your Right Hand is Doing.

The time has arrived. The setting is set. Ideally, we’re relaxed and comfortable. Maybe we’re freshly bathed and fragrant. We have our lube, maybe some sex toys, an extended period of unconstructed time on our hands, and a deep and abiding lust for our own company. It’s masturbation time! If we’re worried about being lonely, want the inspiration of a masturbation buddy, or can’t masturbate ourselves for reasons, there’s nothing wrong with inviting friends along for the ride.

You might think that it would be easy to define masturbation. At its most literal, it means one person, one set of genitals, and the stimulation of the latter by the former. As anyone who has masturbated knows, it can be a huge relief, a lot of fun, and a great way to find out what feels good and where our stimulation limits and unexpected erogenous zones are.

Some of us have libidos and a desire to experience sexual relief but are not able to masturbate in this traditional manner. Arthritis, palsy, nerve damage, partial paralysis, age-related muscle weakness, and even some expressions of CPTSD and other trauma responses that involve our sexuality. In cases like that, or just because it adds another level of sexy to non-coital genital satisfaction, parallel or mutual masturbation may be helpful.

Parallel Masturbation is more common than we may realize. It’s such a simple way to bond as lovers or friends. Maybe especially friends. Think “circle jerks.” Maybe we put on some quality porn, as we define it, get comfy with someone we’re comfortable masturbating with and who is likewise comfortable masturbating with us, and then we go to town on ourselves.

Pro Tip: Make sure to have a lot of lube easily available, as well as soft cloths or cleansing wipes, and a clean water source for clean-up.

Mutual Masturbation is my favorite because I get bored easily when doing all the work and, as a Recovering Catholic, I’m still figuring this stuff out myself. Sometimes I need a helping hand. I also find this variant makes it easier to relax, go soft focus, and ride the pleasure. It’s also a chance to spoil each other with mind-melting sensations. It’s pretty cool.

Pro Tip: Again, enough lube so if someone needs it, it’s for sure there. Also, something soft and clean to absorb body fluids. In addition to hands, there are toys that vibrate, constrict, clamp, or fit inside of fun bits. Shared toys should be cleaned between uses or covered with a condom. The condom can even be expired!

We’re not always in the mood or right place for a multi-person tryst. Whether we Jack or Jill off in a crowd or in a closet, here are some interesting bits of information we can use.

Yes, Chicks Do Masturbate

First off, there’s nothing hip or modern about us woman-type people being viewed as the human personification of sin, disobedience, and temptation while at the same time being directed to present and conduct ourselves like the human personifications of purity, chastity, and the delicate keepers of home, hearth, and morality.

This is a confusing dichotomy that can be fun to explore in fantasy but sucks to deal with in the world of other people. Not everyone knows the formal or even slang names for their tirly-whirlies, let alone that such pleasure spots exist. So, let’s indulge in a little pussy talk.

One of the most important things to remember is that there is no reason to stress about having multiple or even one orgasm. If we can relax and find out what feels good, our chances of having a good time increase. Masturbation provides us with a rare reason to get in touch with what our genitals feel like. If touch hurts or we feel blisters or strange bumps, that’s important information to share with a gynecologist and a good reason to back off until we know what’s going on.

No two twats are the same or like the same thing in the same way for the same amount of time. That’s part of the fun of letting our fingers do the walking. The vulva is so commonly misidentified as the vagina that slang terms for it are rare. The vulva includes all the external parts of our no-no bits. We can stroke, pinch, tug, rub, and even use mild suction or vibration on any of these parts. Both the inner and outer labia (“lips”) are available for many levels of sensation. Clothes pins can be stimulating.

People with penises are rumored to have difficulty locating the clitoris and some people with clits and cunts don’t even know where that pearl of genital delight can be found. The fleshy nub is at the top of the vaginal opening, just under where the inner labia meets and beneath a “hood” of protective tissue. Some clits are small, some are large. When aroused, the labia becomes engorged and the clit can swell from 50 – 300 percent of its original size.

Having said that, there is no correlation between their size and sensitivity. The thickness and sensitivity of the hood make all the difference. About 80 percent of women say they climax through clitoral stimulation, but nearly 20 percent prefer to stimulate their G-spot with dildos or vibes.

Let’s not forget our breasts, nipples, inner thighs, and the sense of fullness provided by the occasional happy little butt plug.

Dudes Got Dicks and So Much More

To the best of my knowledge, I am not now, nor have I ever been a man. But I’ve met a few men in my time, most of whom have had penises, testicles, anuses, and opinions about all of them. Men seem to have less trouble figuring out how to get themselves off than women do, in part because their loins are more accessible, and righteous indignation about male self-stimulation is somewhat less fierce. Boys, after all, will be boys and a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

When it comes to fapping, most men do it at some point. According to the 2009 National Survey of Sexual Behavior, 92 percent of men aged 18 – 59 admitted to masturbating at least once during their lifetime.

We live in a cock-centric world, especially when it comes to male masturbation, but there is so much that can be done with the area usually covered by underwear. Yes, the phallus can and does bring much joy when stimulated, from the moment it is first roused from its slumber until it bursts with excitement. Some men have a favorite moment during that process, some are more fond of the way touch feels when their member is softer, and others when it is rigid.

There are men who do not like how it feels to ejaculate, so they either stop before it happens or like to “edge,” which means they bring themselves to the very edge of cumming and then back away, sometimes multiple times. Obviously, stroking the schlong is the most familiar kind of masturbation associated with men. As always, lube is your friend, and patience is your other friend. Warm it up with your hands, slather it on your prick, and find rhythm, speed, and grip strength.

A constriction ring can postpone orgasm and build intensity when it arrives. There are even cock rings that vibrate. For variety, switch hands, use both hands, grab your dick while stimulating its head, use a sleeve or stroker, play with the nerve-packed frenulum; which is the line of skin that often runs along the underside of the shaft.

Also available for attention but too often ignored are the scrotum, the perineum, and the prostate, also known as the P-spot. For too long, men have avoided these areas for fear of being accused of being a homosexual. Fortunately, the taboo is beginning to wane, and men of all sexual orientations are finding pleasure that they never expected in places they’d never dared to touch with erotic intent.

By the scrotum, I mean the balls and that which lurks within. Some men like a lot of pressure on them but most prefer something less intense. Pat them, grip them, bind them, even clamp them. Give them all your attention or let your other hand linger on your boner. Switch up the mood by stroking your hardness with something soft like fur or feathers. From there, it’s not far to the perineum, which is often called “the taint.” This area, which lurks between the balls and the asshole, is packed full of nerves eager for titillation. Don’t be afraid to touch yourself here.

While you’re in the neighborhood, there’s no reason not to play with the ring of folds that make up the opening of the anus. No need to put anything inside your butt, however, if you’re feeling daring and want to befriend your walnut-sized gland known as the prostate, there are several ways to do so. Fingers work nicely and butt plugs with a flared base can really amp up the sensations. Because of the existence of the prostate, vibrators with a flared base or looped handle can provide unique inspiration. Don’t leave the vibrator in for too long because heat from its batteries can do bad things to tender tissues.

Most of all, don’t stress. The joy of masturbation is that the journey is the destination. Some orgasms are subtle. Some are earth-shattering. Some are on vacation. Like partnered sex, every instance is unique, so we’ll enjoy them more if our goal is to let our bodies take us where they will.