Masturbation. Self-stimulation. Solo sex. Burping the worm. DIY. Softening the peach. They all mean the same thing; the forbidden practice of touching ourselves, especially our nipples and genitals, for our own pleasure. It is such a normal form of human development that we start young. In the womb young. Brenot & Broissin, and Giorgi & Siccardi each published research in 1996 stating that female fetuses had been observed masturbating to orgasm. It’s a pleasurable form of relaxation, self-comfort, pain relief, topographical exploration, discovery, and boredom avoidance that Kinsey in 1953 and Martinson in 1994 asserted we start pursuing in earnest at about two or three years of age. Planned Parenthood cites studies that found self-stimulation really kicks into gear once we hit our early teens.
We’ve been doing this since we were negative months old, so you’d think we’d be pretty good at it by now, wouldn’t you? And some of us are! Most of us? I may be speaking for myself, but after 11 Portland Masturbate-a-Thons, a lot of email, chat, and face-to-face conversations, as well as reading about the history of masturbation suppression and being raised with copious amounts of Catholic guilt, I’ve concluded that a lot of us don’t know what the hell we like when we’re alone with ourselves and we have no idea what to do even if we have a clue. This is unfortunate, since jacking and jilling off release oxytocin, dopamine, endorphins, and prolactin, which make our brains happy and our immune systems strong.
Naturally, this inspired me to take it upon myself to presume to speak as an authority on the topic of masturbation despite the fact I’m still figuring out how to do it, too. Here is my advice based on what I’ve heard, what I’ve read, what I’ve seen, and what I’ve done.
It seems like such a simple question, right? But, like “what is sex,” once you try to define it, things get surprisingly sticky in a metaphorical sense. In its most basic definition, it means to touch our bodies and either intentionally or accidentally experience sexual pleasure. What that means in the world of genitals is dependent upon the person in possession of the genitals and the socio-religious culture in which they live. While most people can stimulate their own fun bits, not everyone can, due to physical limitations. That’s why I personally think that mutual and parallel masturbation are great investments in a relationship that includes sexuality.
Not everyone is comfortable admitting that they masturbate or even identifies what they do as masturbation, so it’s hard to know how many people flog the dolphin or let the beaver swim. The number of people who don’t is likely higher than reported, but whether for religious reasons, low libido, or preference for partnered sex, some do it rarely or not at all. Sexuality is not a one-size-fits-all-mold that defines normal and everyone else is weird.
Regardless of how our genitals are configured, there are some basic things to keep in mind before those of us who are so inclined go to town on them.
Now that we have everything ready, we can enjoy some alone time. In the next FleshEd, I’ll share an assortment of styles and techniques designed for genitals that are “innies” and genitals that are “outies.” I’ll include some quick details and suggestions for toys, too. Until then, have fun and play safe!